When I'm not moaning about the perils of freelance music writing or railing against the enormous multi-media corporations who fail to pay £75.00 invoices to the handful of idiots who read what I've got to say every week from the comfort of my £30k + salaried job like a dance music version of Russell Brand, I'm horizontal on my WRDM branded sofa, listening to all of the latest promos from organisations like Maouris, Disperson, MGMT PR, Get Physical Music, Pitch One Promo, Simple Things, The Rest is Noise, Beatnik PR, Trix PR, Defected and 9PR, carefully deciding which tracks I've been sent each week are the best.

I lay on my back with my eyes closed, red wine in one hand, TV remote control in the other, hi-fi remote control in the other, and loads of massive cigars in the other, Holby City on the telly, all of the promos being played on the hi-fi, one after another. Again and again. Over and over. Cool new music fills the WRDMHQ atmosphere every single day except for Monday; the day I write these words. Does life get any better?

However, on Friday afternoon I was provided with a promotional EP by an anonymous source claiming to represent Bleaching Agent, who himself is an anonymous artist. I've been told by a fairly strong source that Bleaching Agent is Jim 'Shaft' Ryan. Others say that he's Craig Burger Queen. My Nanny Kath told me that he was one half of Blacknecks; the mid-noughties power-tech juggernaut (with Trus' Me being the other one), but what does she know? Her favourite DJ is The Beverley Sisters. The point of this paragraph is the fact that I've got my baby soft, moisturised and heavily manicured hands on a copy of the eagerly anticipated new EP by Bleaching Agent on Overlee Assembly. It's called Static Renegade, and if there's been a more eagerly anticipated EP doing the rounds in the WRDM household office this year then I haven't been made aware of it. Or something.

Static Renegade stands out from the techno crowd by way of not having a proper kick hi-hat kick plus snare hi-hat kick hi-hat kick plus snare hi-hat pattern. Sometimes, the hi-hat comes in a collection of two, sometimes not at all - and they're certainly not played between the beats. I think the kicks were a 4/4 pattern, but the snares and hi-hats were definitely not layed out in a standard manner (unlike the FUCKING BANGING FROM THE VERY BEGINNING Perc Remix, where he keeps the drum pattern as it should be: kick hi-hat kick plus snare hi-hat kick hi-hat kick plus snare hi-hat). Both the original and Perc Remix are brilliant and, if I were a techno DJ, I'd definitely be playing both of them in every set I play for the next couple of months before I and everybody else gets bored of hearing it all.

Static Renegade is backed up by two additional songs called Indra and Quango (The Cobble). I listened to this EP on the tube yesterday morning and I can't remember what Indra was like, but I do recall that Quango (The Cobble) had me grooving out, tossing my hair and I even lost my mind. After the first few seconds, I started gurning a bit and threw my arms around a moody looking business man as we departed North Acton. The dirty look he gave me had a very sobering effect and I started to analyse the song properly for this post. If Bleaching Agent is an honest man/woman, he/she will come out and admit that they accidentally knocked the groove setting to maximum in Ableton 9 and didn't know how to set it back to normal when producing Quango (The Cobble). It's a very disorientating piece of music which reminded me of the Nite Versions version of Compute, in a good way.

BUY IT FROM HERE: decks.de/bleaching_agent-static_renegade

Static Renegade EP by Bleaching Agent on Overlee Assembly
Hunee. You can't move for Hunee at the moment, can you? He's everywhere. He played Thunder last week, he's playing the (I have to say this) unbelievably great, brilliant and amazing Farr Festival next month (tickets still available), he's been preparing a brand new studio album for release called Hunch Music and this week, he knocked out a podcast for FACT who, despite the properly atrocious artwork, are knocking out a lot of decent podcasts recently; Hunee's being one of them.

I've not listened to the whole podcast yet because I had the rest of the Festivals Britannia programme to watch on BBC iPlayer on the tube this morning. I tell a lie, I've listened to the first 14 minutes on the walk to Northolt Station from Oldfield Circus, but I'm not counting what I've heard so far as the actual podcast. Fourteen minutes in and no kick drum yet. No beats. Nothing in the way of dance. Loads of rattling sounds, warm pads, chitter-chatter noises, Balearic soundscapes and synthetic atmosphere do not a dance podcast make.

I know it's going to pick up though because it's Hunee, and I'm confident enough to give his FACT podcast a high score because of how good a DJ I know he is. I saw him last year at Farr and he LITERALLY blew me out of the water with his smooth DJ skills, song selection, epic beats and showmanship behind the decks. I didn't stop dancing throughout his entire two hour set, not even for a piss or a beer.

Hunee's FACT podcast, as soon as the proper dance music kicks in, will be/is absolutely fucking brilliant and YOU can JUDGE it for yourself by listening to it YOURSELF and rating the podcast with a score out of ten and sharing it on YOUR Facebook timeline. Here's my score:

FACT 501 podcast by Hunee
It's not often you stumble on a summer fete worth sticking around for, but on Saturday afternoon I did. I'd never ridden the Docklands Light Railway (DLR) before, so on Saturday morning I took the opportunity of a day off and packed a lunchbox full of sandwiches, crisps, chocolate and fucking hell, this bit is boring me already. I went to a fete near Canary Wharf by mistake after getting off the DLR at the wrong stop, had some cake, an ice-cream, watched an abysmal majorette display and had my face painted like a tiger before going to meet my friends from Ran$om Note in Victoria Park for some cheese, red wine, lager and more cake before going to McDonalds in Bethnal Green for a Big Mac meal before seeing the actress who played Lucy Beale (R.I.P.) coming out of Bethnal Green station as I was going in before going home and catching up on the previous week's EastEnders episodes I'd taped on Sky.

I also saw Henry Holland walking through Victoria Park with a bloke and a little dog.

Canary Wharf College Summer Fete - Saturday 20 June 2015

There we are. The summer fete won this week's WRDM Challenge with a very impressive ten out of ten - and if you read a Beverley Sisters reference in any other contemporary dance music publication this decade, I'll eat my socks and pants after I've shat myself whilst running a marathon. Anyway, must try harder, Bleaching Agent. Come on, Hunee, mate. Chin up.

Next week'll be a smasher. Anne Savage still hasn't sent me her massive answers but it's still going to be a smasher. Honestly, these lady hard house DJs, eh? Come on, Anne. The world needs to know if that girl from Faking It ditched her saxophone and kept with the DJing.

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