Or is it?

I don't know. I've never been there.

I do know that Felix the House Cat has been blowing a gasket about them being racist over the weekend though. He reckons that he got turned away at the door because he's black, not because he was dressed like this:
- Tonka, he probably wasn't dressed like that though, was he, you fucking dickhead?

- I don't know, he might have been. I wasn't there and I don't think that there has been any confirmation, or photographic evidence of what Felix the House Cat was wearing when he was turned away by that Berghain bouncer who thinks he's all that and a bag of strawberry ice cream.

I was telling Surgeon the other week that the only time I've ever been turned away from a nightclub was in the mid-nineties. The gang of bouncers on the door at Miss Moneypenny's told me to fuck off because my shirt hadn't been ironed enough. Enough! From that day on, I've always ironed my shirts PROPERLY before going to the club. Again, I'm not sure if Felix the House Cat arrived in a shirt that he thought had been ironed or not. There is a massive area of grey surrounding this particular incident. I'm asking the main question next though; it's the first sentence of the following paragraph.
Is Berghain racist? I've played hard and fair with this question and thought long into the night, but I've been unable to reach a conclusion by thought alone. So, I'm taking matters into my own hands this coming weekend by travelling to Germany Airport, getting a taxi to Berlin Town Centre, checking into the Bratwurst Hotel, stripping naked and covering myself in black boot polish. I'll then put my clothes back on (I've bought a brand new Keith Haring t-shirt from Uni-Qlo and some slim-fit jeans from H&M) and head down to Berghain.

If that fat, gormless-looking bouncer with the tattoos and the long, grey hair who fancies himself as a celebrity hard man turns me away it'll PROVE that Berghain is as racist as Adolf Hitler, Bernard Manning, CONTENT REMOVED BY WRDM LAWYERS, the nation of CONTENT REMOVED BY WRDM LAWYERS, Charlie Palmer, Colin Cooke, my dad, Kramer out of Seinfeld, Mason, all of C.O.R.P.S., some Chelsea fans, Jade Goody out of Celebrity Big Brother 5, my Nanny Kath and Ron Atkinson combined. And then some.
I'm blacking up and queuing up at Berghain in the name of investigative journalism. If they don't let me in, I'll start a social media campaign to stop and reverse the racism. It'll be called #Berghain: Black Up/Queue Up, and I'll be urging EVERYONE who plans on going to Berghain to black up before they get there. One lone voice (Felix) followed by a second voice (me) is not enough. We'll need some serious numbers and action to get the message over. I'll be lobbying all British DJs who are booked to play at Berghain to black up in the DJ booth too.

At the moment, I've not yet scoped out whether I'll only be asking white DJs to black up or if I should include black DJs too. I'm not sure if it would be racist of me to ask a black DJ to black up or if it would be racist to not include a black DJ in the question at all. When I figure that bit out in my head, I'll be ok.

Moreover, everyone/some people on Twitter went mad about DJ Sneak saying that Berghain is "sin infected with bad shit shit hole". I saw a lot of/some people insinuating that DJ Sneak was, by using those words, insinuating that Berghain is a shit hole full of gay men with AIDS. Twitter does make me chuckle when it gets all uppity. I think that jumping all over the original House Gangster Man was a little unfair and presumptuous. It was also a little wanky, whiny, faux-indignant and whiny and wanky. But, that's Twitter, and I mustn't grumble about it. It just made me laugh how everyone/some people on Twitter got straight on his back and if you're looking like backing him up, you're made to feel like you're endorsing homophobia too - even though Sneak hadn't actually said that Berghain is full of gay men with AIDS.

He might just as well have meant that Berghain is a shit hole that's full of people doing drugs and having sex. Is he religious? I don't know. His job is to play records to people on drugs, so that argument can fuck off.

He may even have been referring to the thing that Shabs off of Channel 4 Drugs Live told me. He said that he heard a rumour from someone his cousin used to know who had been to Berghain once that at nine o'clock on the Sunday morning, the lighting man starts to project images from rotten.com and Steak and Cheese all over the walls to freak out the clubbers on ketamine and UPS ecstasy E tablets. Can you imagine that, having to look at pictures of dead babies and blokes with their faces flapping open after a motorbike crash, and diarrhea scat porn whilst you're buzzing your knackers off? Fucking hell. That's reason alone to call the place sin infected with bad shit shit hole.
I like Felix the House Cat, and if I had a gun to my head and was told to choose between him and Berghain, I'd choose Felix every fucking day of the week. He's a fun character. He mixed one of my favourite compilations, Excursions. He created Kittenz And Thee Glitz and got Miss Kittin involved. He even did the very first Bugged In CD ,which I liked a lot. Berghain sounds like the kind of place I know for a fact that I'd love if I got in, but am, at the moment, happy to slag off so that I've got something to write about and fill space on my blog. Know what I mean?

I'll let you know how it goes with the Berghain bouncer next Tuesday.

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With thanks to JD for this.


Ladies and Gentlemen. MASSIVE QUESTIONS with SURGEON / Part One had more page views on last Tuesday alone than the entire blog had in December 2014 and January 2015 combined, and I'm about to kill the series off with Part Two! I must be a right fucking idiot: who's going to carry on reading the Weekly Review of Dance Music without the patronage of a well-known dance music industry expert (DJ or producer) every few weeks? I wouldn't. And if I wanted dance music reviews, there are millions of dance music websites offering scores out of five and ten every fucking day. WRDM is nothing special. If I wanted hilarity, like in the Hilarious Lookalikes I do, I'd go on Wunderground all week and read their hilarious articles. I'd then share them around my Facebook and Twitter friends like everybody else does because of how hilarious I think they are.

I'm literally laughing my throat inside out right now at the thought of that hilarious article they wrote a couple of years ago about North Korea saying that America is going to be weak for generations to come because they all listen to EDM over there! ROFLOFL. Can you imagine?! They then said at the end that Kim Jong-un (Kim Wrong-un, I call him. Know what I mean, lads?) is going to get Surgeon and Perc to go over and set up some hard techno camps or something! LOLoutLOUD. I honestly don't know how Wunderground get away with jokes like that and I wish I was as daring and hilarious as them.

Here's Part Two of my EXCLUSIVE interview with Surgeon:
Many thanks to XLR8R for the pics / xlr8r.com/in-the-studio-surgeon
Q. Who do you reckon killed Lucy Beale?
A. Who is Lucy Beale?

Q. Do you have any words of advice for any young DJs or producers reading the Weekly Review of Dance Music?
A. Keep your focus on the music.

I said it last week, and I'll say it again now. What a lovely man. That was the final ever MASSIVE QUESTIONS on the Weekly Review of Dance Music. Imagine Surgeon and I on stage right now with our sincere faces on, holding hands and taking a bow, red roses being chucked all over us for a minute or so. Now imagine us sat backstage, drinking pink champagne and bitching about our fellow DJs and music writers.

You can buy the recent re-master of the above Surgeon song, amongst others, from Phonica Records on here: phonicarecords/surgeon-pet-2000

You can also watch Surgeon play live with Blawan as Trade at House of God next Friday night, not this Friday, next. Here's some information about it from my friends at Resident Advisor: residentadvisor/HOG

The following night, he's playing in Club Fabric's Room 2 with Regis and Terry Farley, I mean Francis. Terry Francis. And if you're Dutch or live in Amsterdam and can speak Dutch, zal hij het ​​spelen van 5 Days Off op donderdag 5 Maart.

For the record, I think that Ian Beale murdered Lucy, and Max and Les Coker covered for him. 

- How, Tonka?

- Well, I think that Ian and Lucy had an argument after Peter told Ian about Lucy dusting Charlie Chalk up her nostrils every night. Lucy then ran off to Deals on Wheels for a bit of stress-relief rumpy-pumpy with Max across his desk. However, Max was in a mood because he'd fallen out with Lauren earlier that day, so he chained Lucy up in his Portakabin and dished out an inordinate amount of BDSM, S&M and extreme sexual horseplay. He then called his secret internet chat-room mate (this bit will be revealed on Thursday's live episode), Les Coker, over to have a go on her whilst he stepped outside to watch and masturbate through the window on the garage forecourt.

As Les Coker was taking some post-coital pictures of an embarrassed, worn-out and still chained up Lucy - who was now in a grave state of tristesse, a topless and drunk Ian thundered into the Portakabin and went berserk. He picked up one of Max's whisky tumblers and almost caved Les Coker's skull in - he was only stopped by Max, who waddled in after him with his trousers around his knees. Max and Ian then grappled on the floor for a bit as Les Coker sneaked out and home to his missus.
Ian thought that Lucy had allowed herself to get chained up because she's into that kind of thing, so he carried on telling her off, this time for being debauched as well as a seasoned sniffer. Max was stood in the background, head bowed, wiping his top lip and crying. Just then, Les Coker walked back in, sneering, and showed Ian copies of the pictures he took of Lucy and demanded ten thousand pounds before he'd destroy them. Ian was so ashamed that he paid up there and then, so Les Coker walked out, laughing...and sneering.

A red-faced and extremely angry Ian then knocked his daughter's block off and made Max help him drag her frame to the woods. It was there that Lucy finally died of severe stress to her nether regions and of being unconscious in the cold for too long.

Right, I'm off. If any online/offline magazines want me to dust off MASSIVE QUESTIONS and perform it for them, for money, I'll, of course, agree.

Oh! I've just read back that Wunderground bit from earlier on. I hope that you don't think I'm being sarcastic. I really do think that they're great, hilarious, very satirical and really, really hilarious. You might wrongly assume that I'm being sarcastic because I've often been heard in the pub and seen online describing Wunderground as "absolutely fucking shit." Without context, "absolutely fucking shit", makes it sound like I don't rate Wunderground at all, and that I'm confused by its popularity and jealous of their continued success. You couldn't be more wrong.

When I say, "Wundergound is absolutely fucking shit", I'm talking in youth slang, like how a nineteen year old girl might describe the new album by whoever nineteen year old girls are into at the moment; Tulisa or something. She'd say, "Man, have you heard that sick new Tulisa album? It's absolutely fucking shit." It's just like how you and I would use the word, "bad", to describe something good in the 1990s.
I'll be back next week with loads of dance music reviews, MASSIVE QUESTIONS with ANNE SAVAGE, a round-up of the zaniest and most hilarious Wunderground articles to hit the web and a huge cash give-away.

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「HA 、 HA、 HA、ハ、ハ!私達はyaの女ジュース、悲哀我々 、月アッタワァーッブログ電話するよ? ! 」 あなたがしようとウォールソールの通常または培養から何かを行う場合は、第二に撃墜取得します。私はPGで2002年に土曜日の午後にHogsheadに歩いて覚えているウッドハウスの本。リッチープリーストはその後、私はそれを運んでいたポケットを指差し笑って、叫んだ「虚辞地獄はあなたがワァーッ午前、ライブラリ思いますかどこ? ! 」全体のパブは私に、彼と一緒に笑った。私はロンドンに移動し、 10年以内に人気のダンスミュージックのブログを設定することがあり、その後誓った。 今、彼の全人生についてカジュアルな話外科医とワーウィックストリートにサンクタムソーホーホテルのロビーに座って、私を見て、私はちょうどグラディエーターウォーク過去の影を見てきました!私はこのホテルが大好きです。私はそれを愛する:それはロンドンの活気あるソーホーの中心部に快適さ、スタイルと洗練を提供していますので。
これは、最終的な今までにMASSIVEの質問の一部です。それが適切にクソ退屈を取得する前に、何度も何度もダンスミュージック業界で同じ質問を誰かに頼むことができる唯一の​​非常に多くの時間があります。または多分それは催眠となり、ミニマルテクノのように、私は知らない。それは今までに常駐アドバイザーのフィードに掲載されますダンスミュージックの週刊レビューのセクションのみなので、私はブログの整合性を考える必要があります:私は、 MASSIVE MASSIVE質問を手放すリスクを取っている。もっぱらのWRDMは、それがこのようなインタビューでプッシュするアーティストの人気を通じて人々に達するに依存している場合、それは一貫して優れた、常に良くなっている私の執筆、の優れた品質についてはあまり言わない。 我々は非常によく似た文字だから:私は名誉は、外科医が、最終的な今までにMASSIVEの質問の対象となる合意なかったんだ、と言って。私のように、彼はダンスミュージックが好き、ミッドランドから来るのために知られています。 ストリートレーシング:彼はそのように、ミッドナイトクラブプレイステーションレースゲームのための音楽を生成するための知られています。 それらを伝えるために最善の友達をrespectivementテキストメッセージの後、我々はちょうどグラディエーターから影を見つけたと思いました、インタビューが始まった:

Q.あなたはモニカ、外科医はどのように出てくるのですか? 「ダンスDocta 」 (DJダンスDocta )または '傷害スペシャリストビート'のような( DJが傷害スペシャリストビート、適切なDJ ( DJ外科医)以上のエキサイティングなものと接尾のDJのように、 DJを付けることのアイデアをあなたに今までにおもちゃをしました) ? これらの他の提案は素晴らしいです
A. 、私は私だけではなく、 「外科医」のものと考えるのだ望む。私は、1990年代前半にBLIMと呼ばれるスペース/プログレロックバンドで演奏し、私はステージ上であることについては本当に恥ずかしがり屋だったので、私は、私は彼らと実行したときの分身を想定する方法として、外科医に扮。ある日、誰かが私たちのリハーサルの1のところに来て、 「外科医はどこでしょうか」 、それは私が私の名前を得た方法ですので、尋ねた。 誰もが当時愚かなDJの名前を持っていたので、私は、私も1を持っているだろうと思った。 
Q.どのようにあなたがあなたの目をローリングし、インタビュアーは言葉、 「 hypnotise '、'レディー·ガガ」、「連続体」、「バーミンガム」、「ミック·ハリス」を使用するすべての時間をtuttingせずに同意インタビューの大半を通じて入手できますか、と「コイル」 ? 私は、ほぼすべての人が対処
A.スマート尻であることによって行います。正直に言うと、私は通常「 hypnotise 」と「コイル」を言及している一人です。 「連続体」について知らない、それは新しいものだ。 私はミックに言及したい、彼は下向きの始まりの重要な部分だし、カール(レジス)と私は一緒に仕事。

Q. 1997年の夏の終わりには、私は非常に初めてクラブに行くことをドレイパーとミッキー·ジョンとのバーミンガムシティセンターに51のバスをつかまえた。私は私の緑と白の千鳥格子ファラーのズボン、エレクトリックブルーソ連シャツ、洗練された私の父の黒い作業靴のペアを着ていた、と私はカルバンクラインによって永遠のstinkの過去形。ドアの用心棒はで私の仲間をさせたが、私が「若すぎ」だったと「たわごとに見えた」という理由で入国を拒否。私たちが神の代わりにミス·マネーペニーののの家に行っていると思いなら、私はでさせて頂いてたでしょうか? 
Q.私は私が今まで最近、 Facebookページ上の神の家に果たしてきたすべての人の名前でチラシを見たと確信している、と私はまた、トニー·デビタミンの名前はそれにあったことを確信しています。あなたは神の家でTDVプレイを持つことを覚えて、そうだとすれば、夜の思い出は何ですか、と男か?
A.はい、私はトニー·デビタミンの演奏を覚えて、私はそれが彼がそこに演奏テクノ純粋主義者のいくつかを悩まさ覚えている。私は彼にその夜を満たして覚えていないにもかかわらず、彼は、ダンス工場で私たちのために本当に良いのHi- NRGセットを果たした。 神の

それは、他のギグがいるよう - Q.あなたがチェックアウトし、他の部屋を検査するか、あなたは自分のセットで登録ターン、あなたが完了したら、次に家に帰るん、最初から最後まであり、神の家にいるとき?

A.私は、 80年代半ばにマイアミに休日に行き、私は完全にプールで水浸しになった大規模な泡のボールを持っていた。私は「肉球」と呼んだ。それはかなり良かった。
Q.あなたは、先進のSFサウンドスケープから生まれた心の状態から自分を解除するにはどうすればよい、カール·ユングの仕事と同時に、一定の点で、 DJとしての責任を量ると、しながら無意識の表情豊かな感情、で誰のための感覚の保護者...申し訳ありません。冷たい冷静または絶対にクソ終了ストーン?
Q.私は、今月神の家にAAAのVIPゲストリスト+ 1をお願いしていませんか? 神の家の黒幕である
A.クリス(バイオハザードクリス)は、ベルベットの手袋でさえ鉄の拳を鉄の拳でそれをルールとしない。最後のイベントで彼は、ウィザードの格好をしているためにDJブースの外に男を投げた。彼は、 「私はオフ性交する彼に言われたので、私は、ウィザードを見ました。 」と述べた 私は、AAA VIPまたはそのような何かのために彼を頼むにはあまりにも怖い。

私は私が「AAAのVIP "ビットを入れているべきではありません知っていた。まあ、それはドア上の唯一の約12頭の良いです。どのような素敵な男性も!私たちはどちらが終了していない... 外科医MASSIVEの質問の第二部は、他の質問の中で、外科医は、彼が殺害考えているルーシー·ビールに事情聴取されている次の火曜日、以下の通り。 phonicarecordsを/外科医:平均時間では、あなたがのPhonicaで私の非常に親愛なる友人から(彼の初期のリリースの一部の最近の再発行を含む)外科医の最近のすべてのレコードを買っていることを確認 また、 Twitterで彼に従うことで外科医の自尊心を高めることができます。 @Tony_Surgeon

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"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! We'll atta call yow Blog Mon, woe we, ya saft cunt?!"

If you try and do anything out of the ordinary or cultured in Walsall, you'll get shot down in a second. I remember walking into the Hogshead on a Saturday afternoon in 2002, with a P.G. Wodehouse book. Richie Priest pointed at the pocket I was carrying it in, laughed and then screamed, "Where the fuckin' hell do you think yow am, the library?!" The whole pub laughed with him, at me. I vowed there and then to move to London and set up a popular dance music blog within a decade.

Now look at me, sitting down in the foyer of the Sanctum Soho Hotel on Warwick Street with Surgeon for a casual talk about his entire life, and I've just seen Shadow from Gladiators walk past! I love this hotel. I love it because it offers comfort, style and sophistication in the heart of London's vibrant Soho.
This is Part One of the final ever MASSIVE QUESTIONS. There are only so many times you can ask somebody in the dance music industry the same questions over and over and over again before it gets properly fucking boring. Or maybe it becomes hypnotic, like minimal techno, I don't know. I'm taking a MASSIVE risk in letting go of MASSIVE QUESTIONS because it's the only section of the Weekly Review of Dance Music that ever gets featured on the Resident Advisor Feed, but I have to think of the integrity of the blog. If WRDM relies solely on reaching people through the popularity of the artists it pushes in interviews like this, then it doesn't say much about the excellent quality of my writing, which is consistently excellent and ALWAYS getting better.

Saying that, I'm honoured that Surgeon agreed to be the subject of the final ever MASSIVE QUESTIONS because we're very similar characters. Like me, he's known for liking dance music and coming from the Midlands.

He's also known for producing music for the PlayStation racing game, Midnight Club: Street Racing.

After texting our respective best friends to tell them that we'd just spotted Shadow from Gladiators, the interview began:
Many thanks to XLR8R for the pics / xlr8r.com/in-the-studio-surgeon
Q. For anyone unfamiliar with the name Surgeon, could you tell them who you are, what you do and why you do it?
A. Hello. I am Tony, sometimes known as Surgeon. I produce and play music to make people lose their minds, and I do that because I’m a kind soul.

Q. Has reaching the stage in your career where you’re able to pick and choose what you want to do, artistically, something you’re comfortable with or do you miss the days when everything was a struggle and you were younger and not yet well known? Or, was it even a struggle? Were you so good at DJing and producing that everything fell onto your lap, and you’ve never really had a problem doing what you do? Know what I mean?
A. I’ve worked really hard to be in a position where I can express myself in a pure and honest way. I still find many ways to push myself and stretch myself. My focus always has been and always will be on the music and I’ve always believed in allowing opportunities to come to me, rather than flogging my arse like a cheap whore.

Q. How did you come up with the moniker, Surgeon? Did you ever toy with the idea of prefixing it with DJ, like a proper DJ (DJ Surgeon) or suffixing DJ with something more exciting, like ‘Dance Docta’ (DJ Dance Docta) or ‘Beat Injury Specialist’ (DJ Beat Injury Specialist)?
A. Those other suggestions are great, I wish I’d thought of those instead of just ‘Surgeon’. I played in a space / prog rock band called Blim in the early '90s and I was really shy about being on stage, so I dressed up as a surgeon as a way to assume an alter ego when I performed with them. One day, someone came to one of our rehearsals and asked, “where’s the Surgeon?”, so that’s how I got my name.

Everyone had stupid DJ names back then, so I thought I would have one too.

Q. How do you get through the majority of interviews you agree to without rolling your eyes and tutting every time the interviewer uses the words, ‘hypnotise’, ‘Lady Gaga’, ‘continuum’, ‘Birmingham’, ‘Mick Harris’, and ‘Coil’?
A. I cope as almost everyone does by being a smart arse. To be honest, I’m usually the one who mentions ‘hypnotise’ and ‘Coil’. Dunno about ‘continuum’, that’s a new one.

I like to mention Mick, he’s a vital part of the beginning of Downwards, and Karl (Regis) and I working together.

Q. Sixteen bar rolling snare fill or an eight bar rising hoover noise that starts off low and ends up really high just before the beat and cymbal crash comes in?
A. Hoover every time.

Q. In the late summer of 1997, I caught the 51 bus into Birmingham City Centre with Draper and Micky John to go clubbing for the very first time. I was wearing my green and white houndstooth Farah trousers, an electric blue Soviet shirt, a pair of my dad's black work shoes, polished, and I stunk of Eternity by Calvin Klein. The bouncer on the door let my mates in but refused me entry on the grounds that I was "too young" and "looked shit". If we'd have gone to House of God instead of Miss Moneypenny's, would I have been let in?
A. Yes, you would have been let in to House Of God. We’ve never had a dress code; the music we play has always been the best way to weed out the people we don’t want there.
Q. I'm sure that I saw a flyer with the names of everyone who has ever played at House of a God on their Facebook page recently, and I'm also sure that Tony De Vit's name was on it. Do you remember having TdV play at House of God, and if so, what are your memories of the night, and the man?
A. Yes, I remember Tony De Vit playing and I remember it annoyed some of the techno purists that he played there. He played a really good Hi-NRG set for us at the Dance Factory, though I don’t remember meeting him that night.

Q. House of God turns 22 this month, and you're playing live with Blawan as Trade. What are your roles within a live set up? Do you operate separate machines and instruments and play a pre-organised set or is it all improvised?
A. It’s all totally improvised, seat of the pants stuff. We don’t have anything prepared, we actually can’t with the kind of machines we use: raw, modular synthesisers. We just both make a racket and if we like what we hear, we go with it. It’s a lot of fun to do it that way.

Q. When you’re at House of God, are you there from start to finish, checking out and inspecting the other rooms or do you just turn up for your set and then go home when you’re done – like it’s any other gig?
A. It’s a chance to catch up with so many old friends, I always hang about on a HOG night.

Q. Have you ever got the arms of your glasses tangled up with the cable of your headphones whilst in the middle of a DJ set? If so, how embarrassing was it and how did quickly did you recover?
A. It must have been a long time ago. I don’t remember, but I’m sure it’s happened. Since then I’ve studied dance and movement with the same bloke who taught Kate Bush. That’s why I can leap so high.

 Q. What is Terry Donovan really like?
A. He is a lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely, man. He’s wise too.

Q. What’s the best thing you’ve ever done?
A. I went on holiday to Miami in the mid '80s and I had a large foam ball that became totally waterlogged in the swimming pool. I called it the ‘meat ball’. That was pretty good.
Q. How do you disassociate yourself from a mind-state born from industrialised sci-fi soundscapes, the work of Carl Jung and an unconscious expressive emotion whilst, at the same time, weigh up your responsibilities as a DJ and, in a certain respect, the sensory guardian for whoever is…sorry. Stone cold sober or absolutely fucking terminated?
A. Stone cold sober.

Q. Could I have AAA VIP guest list + 1 for House of God this month, please?
A. Chris (The Evil Chris), who is the mastermind behind House Of God, rules it with an iron fist and not even an iron fist in a velvet glove. At the last event he threw a guy out of the DJ booth for being dressed as a wizard. He said, “I saw a wizard, so I told him to fuck off.”

I’m far too scared to ask him for AAA VIP or anything like that.

I knew I shouldn't have put the "AAA VIP" bit in. Oh well, it's only about twelve quid on the door. What a lovely man though! We're not finished either...

Part Two of MASSIVE QUESTIONS with SURGEON follows next Tuesday, where, amongst other questions, Surgeon is quizzed on who he thinks murdered Lucy Beale.

In the mean time, make sure you buy all of Surgeon's recent records (including the recent re-issues of some of his earliest releases) from my very dear friends at Phonica: phonicarecords/surgeon

You can also boost Surgeon's self-esteem by Following him on Twitter: @Tony_Surgeon

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The world-travelling music emporium Red Bull Music Academy announces details of a four-stop UK session series this February, paving the way to this year’s Academy edition in Paris, and inspiring the next wave of applicants.

The Red Bull Music Academy’s globe-trotting initiative welcomes 60 up-and-coming musicians from around the world for a month of creative stimulation each year. Collaboration is encouraged, packed in amongst the agenda of workshops, masterclasses and lectures from today’s musical luminaries, whilst a wider programme of public events fills the venues of the host city.

Fuck me. I'll write my own words for a bit now - the Red Bull content checkers won't read this far down. It's great being a blogger; you get invites to events where there's always free booze and links to loads of free music just for copying and pasting whatever it is the PR people send you. Some bloggers and website editors don't even correct the spelling mistakes and the FUCKING SHIT use of grammar! The best thing that I ever did done was pick up my blogging pen and start to write down all of the things that I thought about dance music in 2011. Per week. Know what I mean?

All you funny-looking, backward people who read this, pay to get into clubs, spend money on music after it's already been released and look through the windows of cool events whilst I'm inside with my London mates living it up and giggling with Charlie Chalk and champagne all over my nose are fucking mugs.

- How do I get to be, err, as good as, err, how do I, err, err, is it easy to, err, can anybody do, err, what do I need to, err, can you help us, Tonka?

- Of course I fucking can, lads. I'm the nicest man in dance. Get yourself on Google, sign up for a Google Blogger account, start writing about whatever it is Resident Advisor are writing about at the time and before you know it, the emails and offers will start flooding in.

- It's that easy?

- Yeah, and after a few posts, get on Twitter and start Retweeting all of your favourite DJs, producers and anyone already writing about dance music on websites and magazines. Start off with the less popular ones and and work your way up (if you steam right into a Joe Muggs thread out of the blue, you'll either be laughed out of town or, quite rightly, ignored). Back up their opinions, jump all over ANY common ground you may share, name-drop where possible and occasionally leave positive comments. I've been doing this since 2011 and I reckon I'll be right up inside Philip Sherburne's circle by the end of this year.

- Thanks, Tonka.

Watch this, I'll probably get free entry to loads of Red Bull events just for copying and pasting the rest of this press release. Shh, don't tell anyone! LOLoutLOUD. I'm not even going to check for spelling mistakes and poor use of grammar! ROFLOFL.

So, pick the fucking bones out of this, ladies and gentlemen. You're learning from the master. See you at the end of this post. Winking smiley face.

For those keen on experiencing the Academy first-hand, the application phase for the Paris edition is now officially open. To apply, simply download the application form at apply.redbullmusicacademy.com and follow the instructions. All applications must be postmarked by March 4th to meet the deadline, and music makers must be at least 18 years of age by October 24th, 2015 to be eligible.  The Red Bull Music Academy 2015 will take place from October 25th – November 27th.

Dropping anchor in Leeds, Liverpool, Bristol and London, the Road to Paris sessions will be a two-part affair. Kicking off with In Conversation with Mumdance, the 2014 Academy grad will discuss his experiences in Tokyo, divulging the ins and outs of Academy life alongside tips on the application process before opening up questions to the floor. With application forms available on the night, this is a unique chance for audience members to get the inside scoop on Red Bull Music Academy before they apply. Paying homage to this year’s Academy destination, a fine selection of French luminaries step in after Mumdance’s introductory pow wow to deliver a different lecture in each of the selected UK cities, mediated by established RBMA aficionado Emma Warren.

Launching proceedings in Leeds on February 3rd, self confessed vinyl junkie, DJ Deep hosts the first lecture session of the series. A revered tastemaker on the Paris scene for pretty much the last two decades, DJ Deep cut his teeth as a resident DJ for Laurent Garnier at La Luna and Paris’ world famous Rex Club where he played alongside the likes of legends Lil’ Louis, Derrick May, DJ Pierre, Ron Trent and Chez Damier.  He was then spotted by long time hero Derrick May who invited him to Detroit where he met a lot of his heroes of the time Juan Atkins, Kevin Saunderson, Carl Craig, Kenny Larkin and Stacey Pullen.   2015 sees the first releases of music from DJ Deep for nearly 15 years with and EP on Ron Morelli’s L.I.E.S and production with fast rising Roman Poncet on Tresor with 2 EPs to be released in the first half of the year and a full LP due on Desire records.

Liverpool follows on February 4th, with a lecture from renowned French daddy of disco, Francois K. Occupying the highest tiers of acclaim, Francois K joins Larry Levan and Frankie Knuckles among the forefathers of house, inextricably linked with legendary meccas of music Paradise Garage, Studio 54 and The Loft whilst evolving into the DJ/producer powerhouse he is today.

Bristol welcomes arbiter of Parisian cool Ivan Smagghe on February 5th, dishing out his electro expertise and trade secrets of the techno coterie. Occupying the upper echelons of French hype, Smagghe toes the line as one of the most sought after DJs to emerge from the capital. A key figure in the electroclash scene, his early Death Disco compilation solidified his persona as a seminal one-to-watch. Having garnered praise from the likes of James Murphy, Trevor Jackson, Optimo and sometime-partner-in-crime Andrew Weatherall, he can also be found treasure-hunting for musical diamonds-in-the-rough in his A&R role for established French label Kill The DJ, or hashing together compilations for Bugged Out and Fabric.

Bringing the series to a fitting end, the last session takes place at Red Bull HQ in London on February 6th, featuring Parisian royalty, Gilb'R, the label boss of Versatile Records, half of Chateau Flight with I:Cube, producer of The Big Crunch Theory with Lisa Li Lund, member of Aladdin with Nicolas Ker and rising solo producer and encyclopaedic DJ. From his days as a musical programmer and DJ for the legendary Parisian station Radio Nova to his productions, remixes and partnership with I:Cube as Chateau Flight and maybe most important with Versatile Records, the history of modern French electronic and dance music would look very different without Gilbert Cohen alias Gilb’R and his body of work. 

With the recent release of Various Assets showcasing collaborations from last year’s Tokyo Academy participants, the Red Bull Music Academy Road to Paris looks ahead to the coming edition, and the next wave of hopefuls. Each session will be open to an intimate audience of prospective applicants, and will be open to the public via application form through redbull.co.uk/roadtoparis.

Red Bull Music Academy video content, lectures and radio shows available at


Event Name: Red Bull Music Academy Road to Paris: The Leeds Session
Date: 3rd February 2015
Time: 7 – 10pm
Venue: Hifi Club, 2 Central Road, Leeds, West Yorkshire LS1 6DE
Line Up: DJ Deep (Lecture) + In Conversation with Mumdance

Event Name: Red Bull Music Academy Road to Paris: The Liverpool Session
Date: 4th February 2015
Time: 7 – 10pm
Venue: 24 Kitchen Street, Liverpool L1 0AN
Line Up: Francois K (Lecture) + In Conversation with Mumdance & Joe Wills

Event Name: Red Bull Music Academy Road to Paris: The Bristol Session
Date: 5th February 2015
Time: 7 – 10pm
Venue: The Christmas Steps, 2 Christmas Steps, Bristol BS1 5BS
Line Up:  Ivan Smagghe (Lecture) + In Conversation with Mumdance

Event Name: Red Bull Music Academy Road to Paris: The London Session
Date: 6th February 2015
Time: 7 – 10pm
Venue: Red Bull UK, 155-171 Tooley Street, London SE1 2JP
Line Up: Gilb'r (Chateau Flight / Versatile Records) (Lecture) + In Conversation with Mumdance

About Red Bull Music Academy

The 17th edition of the Red Bull Music Academy will take place in Paris in autumn 2015, bringing together 60 carefully selected producers, vocalists, beat-makers, instrumentalists and DJs. They will be invited to attend intimate lecture sessions and collaborate on music in an expansive, custom-fitted complex of creative and studio spaces. As always, Red Bull Music Academy lectures are then available as archived video content on our website.

More than 1,500 musical luminaries have participated in past incarnations of the Red Bull Music Academy. Former lecturers include Giorgio Moroder, Chuck D, Steve Reich, Sly & Robbie, Bernie Worrell, Mark Ronson, M.I.A., Q-Tip, Hot Chip, MF Doom, Ryuichi Sakamoto, RZA, Stephen O’ Malley, Gilberto Gil, and pioneering synth inventors Bob Moog, Tom Oberheim, Don Buchla, Roger Linn, Dave Smith, amongst many others. Plenty Academy alumni have gone on to become true figureheads of their scenes like experimental electronic music producer and beat music innovator Flying Lotus; Hudson Mohawke, the Scottish producer behind the beats of Drake and Kanye West; Russian DJ, producer and label head Nina Kraviz; LA soul singer Aloe Blacc; Mexico’s Grammy Award-winning singer and songwriter Natalia Lafourcade; and the UK’s own Katy B, who introduced the whole world to the sound of London’s dubstep, funky and garage.

The Red Bull Music Academy has been pairing music legends and emerging beatsmiths since 1998 in cities such as Berlin, Cape Town, Melbourne, Barcelona, São Paulo, London, New York City and Tokyo. This unique combination of old school knowledge and new school sounds is unrivalled for its creative exploration and achievement. Each yearly Academy edition leaves behind structures to encourage musical collaboration and creative exchange for years to come. By the end of 2014, there will be eleven fully equipped Red Bull Studios around the world.

For more information on the Red Bull Music Academy and to access thousands of lecture videos, mixes, and exclusive tracks visit redbullmusicacademy.com or follow @RBMA. To access hi-res art and video of Academy events for media use, visit the Red Bull Content Pool at

Other useful RBMA links



LOL. There we go; Tonka's Red Bull lecture in delivering CONTENT. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. I'll be back next week with some dance music reviews on here and a review of the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack on Ransom Note in the next few weeks.

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