WRDMusic Conferences

Can you imagine going to two dance music conferences in one weekend? Eh? Can you? ONLY in London and Brighton can you go to two dance music conferences in one weekend and that's exactly what I'll be doing this weekend when the weekend comes and I go to the Brighton Music Conference and the London Electronic Music Event over the course of just one weekend to cover both events for the Weekly Review of Dance Music and Ransom Note, who are on a different channel.

I've not been this excited since the time my lady doctor diagnosed me as being addicted to not having blow jobs and prescribed a course of three blow jobs per day for six months, with weekly check-ups at her surgery for blow jobs off of her red hot German teenage lesbian bisexual junior doctor. The BMC and the LEME are going to be fucking brilliant.

I'm looking forward to meeting up with the great and the good of UK and abroad dance music. I'll be attending as many workshops and PowerPoint presentations as I can. I'll be mingling with the top brass from record labels and networking like I've never networked before.

- Why Tonka?

- Because I'm a brown-nosing cunt who thinks that it might be financially beneficial to me in the long run Because I love dance music and it's my duty to be there, to represent the blogging community and to file a responsible and objective report on the two conferences.

Everyone bangs on about Miami, Amsterdam and Miami but, for my money, Brighton is where it's at. Stony beaches, wind and rain, a colourful social life for gentlemen who like gentlemen and women who like women and a pier that has a few amusement arcades on it all welcome you in like the first smack of smack after you've injected a little bit of smack into your knackers. I love Brighton, I've been there twice in the last thirty three years and I can't wait to get back there this weekend for the BMC.

I have a busy schedule lined up. I'm not allowed to say who I have confirmed for an interview at 1pm on the Saturday for legal reasons and I'm not going to give you any clues.

I will just say that I'm very much looking forward to asking some MASSIVE QUESTIONS and leave it at that.

I'm also looking forward to the following:

11:45 - 12:15
Exhibition Floor
Occupational Health and Safety in the Music Industry

Clubbers, DJs and people in the entertainment industry don't think enough about health and safety. At WRDMHQ we have a H&S representative and three fire wardens for each department. Can you imagine if an employee or punter died at YOUR club and the blame game was played? Imagine losing the blame game and having the local authorities closing down YOUR club. If you don't adhere to basic H&S in the workplace then you're liable for all sorts of action further down the line and the action I'm talking about won't just be terminal for the poor fucker who died bending over to pick up his dropped pill instead of bending his/her legs. I'm talking about potential fines and licencing sanctions. Think about it and get yourself down to Brighton for this eye-opening talk by Jonathan Heale from Advanced Communication Solutions Ltd.

Not sure what time
Not sure which café
Resident Advisor's Ryan Keeling interviewing Eats Everything in a café (!)

RA man, Ryan, having a chat with Eats Everything over a cup of tea and a slice of cake. I hope Ryan doesn't turn his back because Eats Everything will no doubt eat everything off of Ryan's plate! LOLoutLOUD.

15:05 - 15:50
The Founders Room
History of Electronic Music

Not that I need telling, but I'll be going along to this to support friend of WRDM, Bill Brewster and potential friends of WRDM, Dave Haslam, DJ Pierre, Dave Pearce and Tony Andrews from Function One. I'll be the one in the audience nodding and pre-empting everything everyone on the panel has to say.

16:45 - 17:15
The Founders Room
The Journey to the Top for a Female DJ

I'll be quite pissed by this stage of the day so I won't be moving far from The Founders Room. Luckily for me, I'll be nice and settled for the final masterclass of the day. And what a masterclass, eh lads?! I'll be sat there, all boozed up watching Anne Savage, Lisa Lashes and Miss Monument talking about how they made it to the top and stayed there (at the top). If I'm feeling boorish, I might shout out the occasional sexist comment and look around for encouragement from other men. That's a big 'if' though. I'm more likely to be making notes on my notepad for the BMC review I'll be writing as soon as the conference finishes.

Get yourself to the inaugural Brighton Music Conference (11 - 12 April) and be a part of an event that is a long time coming to the UK.

BUY TICKETS: brighton-music-conference-tickets

Over-lapping the Brighton Music Conference is the the London Electronic Music Event, in London. I don't know too much about LEME, as I affectionately call it, because I've only recently started to get interested in these kinds of things. However, what I do know is that you cannot argue with a line-up containing Karenn, Hypercolour, Ableton, Theo Parrish, Legowelt and Tonka. Those kinds of names echo down the ages and fill you with enough confidence to buy a ticket for the event.

LEME takes part over the coming weekend in Bethnal Green at Rich Mix. It's a lively venue and perfect for a couple of days of artist keynote speeches and performances, industry panels, production workshops and networking sessions. I'm very proud to have been asked to sit in on a panel discussing the future of music journalism on the Sunday morning. Whether I'm in any fit state to open my mouth after BMC remains to be seen, so see it for yourself buy purchasing tickets.

I'll be trying to keep my head above water and pretend that I know what I'm talking about with Dan Beaumont, Terry Farley, a journalist from The Times, a PR lady and a bloke called Miles who puts on parties with people like Keith WorthyDJ Sprinkles and Marcellus Pittman. I'm absolutely fucking shitting myself.

BUY TICKETS: samplemagic.com/leme-full-weekend-pass

I'm bored of writing now and I have to go and have my third blow job of the day. I'll be back next week with MASSIVE QUESTIONS with the person I interviewed at BMC and much, much more.

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