Reviews are great for telling people what to think. However, I receive so many LPs, singles, download only zip-filed promos and tapes from underground producers that it's hard for me to get my mind clear on what this website is actually for sometimes so I just lob a load of hilarious lookalikes together, or interview an international superstar DJ to fill the gaps when I'm supposed to be reviewing some dance music. The Weekly Review of Dance Music is a way for me to review dance music on a weekly basis; first Tuesday of the week, every fucking Tuesday but I'm always trotting away from that direction.

So, recently I took a walk down to my local record shop: Phonica Records, 51 Poland Street, London, W1F 7LZ (Follow them: @phonicarecords), stared down the bloke in there who looks like MCA out of the Beastie Boys, banged my fists on the nearest Technics SL1200 turntable and said this:

- Give me some of the best music you've got in stock, NOW.

- Yes, sir.

(brief pause as he went out to the Phonica store cupboard)

- Here you are, sir. The Power & The Glory by Perc, Eskimo Recordings presents The Blue Collection, Fraiche by Lonely C and Baby Prince, 3 Feet High and Rising by De La Soul and the new Tripoli Trax wax, Paddy Whack by Gordon John. That'll be twenty nine ninety nine, please.

- My name's Tonka.

- Sincere apologies. Very well, sir. Good day to you.

After getting back to WRDMHQ from Phonica, I slipped the first big, black plastic circle out of its cardboard square sleeping bag and put on ten tracks of horror house, reptilian drone-core, ambient, shoulder-pad techno and ear-piece industrial shudderings that left me cold, in a good way. The album cover itself is a charcoal drawing of Frank from Hellraiser after being caught by an uppercut from an unseen Cenobite, so you can't say you're not warned that this is a scary dance music record by a DJ/producer who is, at this moment, at his very scariest.

I've listened to The Power & The Glory about four times now and I hear different things with each listen. For example, I listened to track 2, Speek, twice sober, once on Ketamine and once when I was hammered and each time I was living with completely gummy thought-patterns throughout; who the fucking hell was I? Had I left a telly on in a distant room. Is Frank in the loft? Is The Power & The Glory actually the Lament Configuration Box from Hellraiser? Is Frank in the fucking loft? What am I listening to and why are my legs having it? Am I listening to this here, or there? Frank can have me, I'm beyond myself.

As brilliant as it is, if you can listen to Perc's new album with the lights off you're a braver cunt than me.

The Power & The Glory - 9/10

GET IT IN A METAL TINperctrax/the-power-and-the-glory

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I don't know how Phonica had Eskimo Recordings presents The Blue Collection in stock because it's not out in the shops until Monday 24 February! Cheeky gets. Still, I had to listen to this collection of tracks about eight times to get me out of the bad mood I was in. Listening to Eskimo Recordings presents The Blue Collection after that Perc record is exactly like when I had to watch an old White Stripes video and Knowing Me, Knowing Yule to pull me back from a deep, magic mushroom hyper-depression in the summer of 2004. I'd done too much, too early in the day and heard the Devil in my ear. After that, I was walking downwards, feeling glum and seeing Freddy Krueger's face in the living room wall. Eskimo Recordings presents The Blue Collection is a terrific and upbeat cuddle of a CD.

Darting between the spell-binding electronic pop of Atella, the familiar vocals of Róisín Murphy in collaboration with Freeform Five, as well as heralding many artists on the rise such as Blamma! Blamma! and Blende(whose ‘Rikki’ reached no 10 in the Hype machine chart), ‘Blue’ is a melting pot of beguiling sounds spanning two CDs, one a bonus mix of the track selection. Not my words, the words of the angel Gabriel, who whispered that in my ear after I'd done just a little bit of magic mushrooms before putting the CD on.

Eskimo Recordings presents
The Blue Collection - 8/10

PRE-ORDER IT HEREeskimorecordings.be

Like Eskimo Recordingsfacebook.com/eskimorecordings
Follow Eskimo Recordings@eskimorecords

Fraiche by Lonely C and Baby Prince is a new EP out this week on Soul Clap Records. I've been trying for a couple of years to ingratiate myself into the world of Soul Clap, Wolf + Lamb and that Marcy crowd. I think they're cooler than the Visionquest lot, better selectors than the Belgian biscuit 2manyDJs crew, more fun than the Villalobos/RPAIRAIRPARI/Luciano/Superpitcher lads and I honestly think that they'd like me if they met me.

This EP is fucking brilliant and was written, produced, mastered and tested in the world famous Marcy Hotel in 2011 whilst New York City was living in the shadow of martial law because of Hurricane Irene. Hurricane Irene died down not long after the end of the recording session that this EP originates from.

All proceeds of this EP goes to Gadi Mizrahi, Greg Paulus, Soul Clap and Lonely C.

Lonely C and Baby Prince
Fraiche 10/10

BUY IT HEREbeatport.com/fraiche

Like Soul Clapfacebook.com/soulclap

Follow Soul Clap@soulclap

Like Wolf+Lambfacebook.com/WolfLamb

Follow Wolf+Lamb@wolflambmusic

Like Baby Princefacebook.com/babyprincemusic

Follow Greg Paulus' band@noregularplay

I paid £8.99 for 3 Feet High and Rising by De La Soul in Phonica records. Just my luck, the very next day De La Soul gave away their entire back catalogue for zero pence! I couldn't fucking believe it. I tried to take the CD back to the shop but I'd lost the receipt and the bloke who looks like MCA out of the Beastie Boys was on his lunch so he couldn't back me up.

De La Soul
3 Feet High and Rising - 7/10


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Follow them@WeAreDeLaSoul

The official release for Paddy Whack by Gordon John is Thursday 20 February. I honestly thought Tripoli Trax had finished in about 2001 but I'm very happy to find out that they're pushing new music out with gusto in 2014. I'm even happier to see that they're labelling their music as hard house, instead of hard dance, techno, trance or psy-grade. Paddy Whack, like the release before that, Music by Wayne Smart, is hard house as hard house should be done. Fast, fun and full of hoovers, vocal snippits, drum rolls and those noises that start off low but gradually rise to a high-pitch before the beat drops. These new Tripoli Trax songs take me back to a happier place. A place where dance music could just be dance music, and dance music journalists didn't over-analyse the stuff to look for political connotations or ponce up what is just an honest piece of music for getting absolutely fucking terminated to. Know what I mean?

Gordon John
Paddy Whack - 8/10


Like themfacebook.com/tripolitraxmusic
Follow them@Tripoli_Trax

What a great bunch of reviews they are, eh? Not one selection under 7/10 proves that dance music is better that average at the moment. The boffins at WRDMHQ will monitor the stats as the year goes on and we'll see if this week's reviews were an anomaly or standard for what is another fantastic year for dance music.




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