TONKA'S TOP 20 CHRISTMAS SONGS: 15 to 11



Carrying on from last week's round-up of my festive, seasonal AND Christmassy Facebook and Wikipedia sponsored count down of my favourite ever Top 20 Christmas songs in the world...ever is this; this week's round-up of Tonka's Top 20 Christmas Songs numbers 15 to 11.

Number 15

Johnny Mathis – When A Child Is Born



Although Johnny Mathis doesn’t mention the baby Jesus by name, there is no doubt that this song is all about the virgin birth of our Lord Saviour.

This is what Christmas is all about, lads. Let us not forget that YOUR new PlayStation 4, YOUR new DVD player and YOUR new puppy is being delivered by Santa because 2013 years ago this month the three Kings delivered gifts to Mary, Joseph and their new kid, Jesus.

– Why Tonka?
– I don’t know.

This is what Christmas is all about though. Santa wouldn’t have started delivering presents to us if the three Kings had never followed that star to Bethlehem. If Joseph hadn’t plonked his heavily pregnant missus and all of their possessions on the back of that donkey before setting off on a MASSIVE journey, there’d be no flying reindeers doing all of the donkey-work for Santa. If that tiny star didn’t exist Santa wouldn’t have a fucking clue where to moor himself on his round-the-world journey on Christmas Eve.

No Jesus: no Santa.

That’s the message Richard Dawkins doesn’t WANT you to hear.

I love When A Child Is Born by Johnny Mathis because it’s nice.


Number 14

Greg Lake – I Believe in Father Christmas





Somebody at Time Out once said that ‘I Believe in Father Christmas’ by Greg Lake is Christmas cynicism at its most tuneful. I just think that it’s a lovely little tune that slots nicely into my Top 20 Countdown.

Greg Lake believes in Father Christmas. Tonka believes in Father Christmas. EVERYONE believes in Father Christmas. I honestly don’t see the point in calling this song ‘I Believe in Father Christmas’: he should have just called it ‘Father Christmas’.

And why wouldn’t you? Father Christmas is fucking brilliant. He flies all the way around the world every year, delivering presents to children young and old. He has a gang of flying reindeer who are HAPPY to pull him around all night in a sleigh. Santa is a jolly, fat old bastard with a beard who drinks billions of glasses of sherry in ONE night and he does not stop laughing about it.

Elaine Paige did a wonderful cover of it on her 1986 Christmas album called ‘Christmas’.


Number 13

Jane McDonald - Cruise Into Christmas



A long time ago, Jane McDonald charmed the eyebrows off of everyone in the United Kingdom with her unique personality, bubbly personality and brassy northern personality. In the late nineties you couldn’t move on TV for Jane McDonald whirl-winding about the channels getting all cocky and winking at the camera as she elbowed her way into etc, etc.

‘Cruise Into Christmas’ could easily be misconstrued as a non-so-subtle nod to the enormous gay following she built up by singing cabaret songs on the telly. It wasn’t. It was an over the shoulder glance back at the show that birthed her into our consciousness forever, The Cruise.

Sorry, this is the laziest one I’ve written so far. Look, I’ve even copied something from Wikipedia:

Unbeknown to many; Jane’s first TV performance, was as a guest dancer on the 1983 Black Lace video for their hit single ‘Superman’ which was shot at the Casanova's night club in Wakefield, where she worked as VIP lounge manager.

Please come back tomorrow for number 12. Please.

Number 12

Enya – We Wish You a Merry Christmas




Who better to sing this festive standard than etc, etc.

Number 11

Tidy Boys - Coca Cola


I was reminded of this track after engaging in some top, top banter with someone on Twitter who I think is mates with someone out of Pittsburgh Track Authority.

I remember dancing along to 'Coca Cola' at The Mezzanine in Wolverhampton. The Tidy Boys were hosting their Christmas party in the early noughties and I, like approximately 2000 others, stomped my feet so hard to this that the sound we created actually enhanced the recorded kick drum. The echo and natural reverb created a booming noise I'd not heard before or since. Know what I mean?

Skip to 4.25 if you hate hard house but still want to know why this qualifies as a Christmas song.

What a round-up! Please, please, please keep going onto my Facebook page EVERY day up to and including Christmas Day to see this brilliant collection draw to a close. If you can't be fucked to do that, come back in a few days for the summarised package of numbers 10 to 6.

"Holidays are coming, holidays are coming..."

Please Like me: facebook/tonkawrdm
Please Follow me: @tonkawrdm
Please Email me: tonkawrdm@gmail.com
Please watch Tonka's Week every Friday: theransomnote.co.uk/tonkas-week