Tube of the Week

This week's WRDM Tube of the Week is a video of Ben Klock playing his famous brand of crystalised minimal techno to a room full of Boiler Room types on Boiler Room before dropping...no, I won't tell you. Just watch this, listen to the tunes he's playing and tell me that he's not the best fucking DJ on the planet at the moment.

The video was created by an obscure European art collective called Being Boiled and, if this first foray into whatever the fuck it is is anything to go by, I'm sure that they have a fantastic career ahead of them as something in dance music.

Ben Klock - Being Boiled
9/10

Follow them on Twitter: @BoiledBeing


I'll be back next week with more things.

In the mean time, follow me on Twitter and "Like" me on Facebook if you want!!!

Twitter: @tonkawrdm
Facebook: facebook.com/tonkawrdm
Email: tonkawrdm@gmail.com

Spooky Stories:

The Haunted Nightclub

On a dark and stormy night, a handsome young body-building dance music journalist called Tonka locked the front door behind him and took steps towards the garden gate. The raging and famous October 2013 winds threw the old wooden entrance open before him and, in a second, sucked it shut. Tonka was a brave man but the unusual action of the gate, working with the wind, took his breath away. This did not usually happen. For reasons unknown, Tonka was running late after having arranged to meet his friends Draper, Micky John, Robbo and Cozza in their favourite pre-club haunt, The Red Prince and Duck, around Spitafields, London. “Why do you agree to meet at 9pm when you know you won’t get there until 9.15pm?” he whispered to himself, not knowing the answer.


He whispered to himself until the bright lights and busy atmosphere of Northolt tube station snapped him out of the negative vibes he had created for himself on the five minute journey from home/WRDMHQ. The leafy, upcoming west London suburb evoked feelings of purity, danger and youth and poked at the fire within.

“Life as we know it. Pure and proper good vibes here. Lovin’ it, man.”

East bound. End seat. In popped the black Sony headphones and on slid the black, 8GB iPod Nano. Shuffle.

Neighborhood #3
Arcade Fire
Funeral

“Next.”

Bingo Bango
Basement Jaxx
The Singles

“Next.”

Sunset at the Café Del Mar
Tabula Ra-Sa
Café Del Mar: Ibiza

“Yes.”


After approximately one minute of luscious pads and generously spaced percussion, Tonka thumbed at Shuffle again.

The Struggle Within
Metallica
Metallica

“No.”

99 Problems
Jay-Z
The Black Album

“No.”

Las Velas No Arden
Alejandro Vivanco
Sci-Fi Hi-Fi Volume 2


“Back when Luciano was good and I’ve landed on the best track on this compilation. Sorted.”

This was the type of music Tonka was expecting to hear at the opening of London’s newest nightclub that night. Da Place Ta Be was a mysterious new build on the grounds of the ghostly old Turnmills. Little was known about the mastermind behind the club or how it was to be funded. Some words on the street said that it was an old homosexual man called Tony, a retired hard house DJ from Birmingham who disappeared in the nineties. Others insisted that it was a shady conglomerate of former promoters of previously successful nights; Madders, James Hetfield from Cream, the Miss Moneypenny’s twins and Mike Manumission. Tonka didn’t really care who was running it as long as the DJs played minimal techno, techno, minimal house, tribal house, house and deep house; this was something he asserted regularly on his Twitter feed, Facebook page, weekly column for Ran$om Note and blog, the world famous and hugely successful Weekly Review of Dance Music.


An edgy underground viral campaign by 1000 Heads had the symbol of the club; a gaudy portrait of Buddah's face chalked gold, all over bus stops in north, west, south and east London with additional graffiti peppered around the other major cities of the United Kingdom using permanent marker pens. Resident Advisor even created an Events page for it and put it at the top of its Top London Clubs section before a beat had been dropped.

So sure was Tonka and his chums that Da Place Ta Be was going to be their new favourite club they had the words tattooed on the back of their calf muscles in Old English Text font.

The underground train puffed into East London station at exactly 9.12pm. Twelve minutes late, as usual. Still, Micky John was pleased to see his old friend burst through the pub doors. “Tonka, mah wee cadge-rattler, yee. How the fuckin’ Hell ahh ye?”

“Just get the fuckin’ beers in now, you stupid Scottish cunt. I’m starving.”


If there was a king of banter in the group, Tonka wore the crown. He plonked himself down at the table where the rest of the group had huddled, slapped Cozza playfully in the face and spat in Draper’s empty pint glass.

“Lucky that glass is empty, Tonk”, peeped Robbo.

“Why’s that?” replied Tonka.

“He’s not into swallowing spit, is Draper. He swallows spunk!”, spluttered Robbo.

Quick as a flash, Tonka boomed “You should fucking know!” and Micky John rocked over with a tray full of lager.

During a lively discussion about Tulisa, football and pubic hair a chill ran down Tonka’s spine. “Did anyone else feel that?” Inappropriate responses flew back and nothing more was thought of it. An old man with a toothbrush moustache entered the bar and stared at the collections of bottles behind the two young lady cocktail shakers before his attention turned to the junction of air vents grooved into the ceiling. Behind and above the bar was a shelf full of spirits. Behind the spirits stood a wall. Within that wall housed a hole, and through that hole was the sheet metal casing of the air vent access spindle. Etched inside the air vent's first chute in blood bore the legend,

Star Cult: Da Place Ta Be

“Who’s playing tonight then, Tonka?” grumbled Cozza.

“All I know is that I had a direct message on Twitter from the promoters, whoever the fuck they are, saying that Star Cult are playing an all-nighter and they want me to come and review it. Should be fucking ace, lads.”

This group of young men sat around their table, slaughtering pints of Fosters and refusing to admit to one another that they didn’t have a clue who Star Cult were. Such was the determination to know about the underground. To be cool. To know.


Tonka was one of the most well-connected young men in the UK, and most certainly in London. VIP AAA guest list is a given in every single English nightclub. Tonight was no exception. Inside the velvet lined walls of the club, the beats were sparse, minimal, overwhelmingly tribal and understandably deep. Techno on a plate. Da Place Ta Be really was the place to be that dark and stormy night. Upwards of 4000 people packed onto the dance floor in Hellraiser masks and danced incessantly, like zombies, to Michael Jackson’s Thriller (Sandwell District remix). Star Cult knew how to select. Star Cult were DJs without profile. Up high, over the crowd the DJ booth stood erect, like a space-age altar previewing the forthcoming dreams of those who come to worship. Tonka, Micky John, Robbo, Draper and Cozza danced around the edges, licking Mandy and sniffing up poppers to the delight of desperate congregation with their hands held out.

“Only in places like this can you beg for poppers and not look like a fucking…”

The music came to a halt as Vincent Price took up his monologue. The lights slowly came up and every single person on the dance floor stopped dancing and gasped. Was this a dramatic transition to Bobby Picket’s Monster Mash (Ben Klock edit) or an act of gross misconduct on behalf of the lighting and sound engineers?


It was neither.

An overhead projector from inside the DJ booth flickered and sprayed an image onto the velvet draped opposite wall, sending the congregation into a uniform 180 degree head spin. Tonka spat out his lager when he saw what he saw.

One shot scanned out the inside of a cave to reveal Madders, Mike Manumission, James Hetfield from Cream and the Miss Moneypenny’s twins stood wearing army fatigues, laughing, Uzi AK-47 automatic machine guns dangling from their hands whilst a thin and wrinkled Tony De Vit sat, strapped to a small wooden primary school chair with bicycle chains.

“Inhumane! Cruel!” wailed a young lady, who only two minutes previously had been pretending to be Uncle Fester. The DJ booth’s bullet-proof window opened and a green laser beam shot out, landing square between her eyes, melting her whole head and killing her instantly. Tonka stood conspiratorially on Draper’s toes and spoke under his breath, “Fuck me, he’s alive. I always thought there was something dodgy about a grown man dying of pneumonia in England. It’s too clement for that. Too fucking clement.”

“SILENCE!” boomed Madders, “you fuckers have got it coming tonight.”


Mike Manumission raised his hand and spoke in a slow, calm, almost Germanic voice. “You thought hard house was dead. You sneered at those who attempted to maintain its popularity. Mixmag staffers got lazy and no longer ventured outside of London. You began mingling with the jealous dogs who derided the hugely popular hoovers and horns sound in favour of a stripped down, slower, “cool” sound. Our clubs have gone, replaced with faceless, warehouse parties with not a recognisable logo between them. This man was your only hope and you let him die.”

“He’s still alive!” slurred Micky John at the top of his voice.

“You let him die”, hushed James Hetfield from Cream in Liverpudlian before pressing the fore-end of his gat to TdV’s temple and squeezing the trigger. As the hard house encased skull exploded and sprayed brains all over the camouflaged trousers of the five maniacs, the projected image scrambled and the lights in the club went down.


Walk The Night by the Skatt Brothers started up and the crowd began to dance. If you’re on ecstasy and dance music is playing, to dance or not to dance is not the question. Tonka understood this more than anyone so he strutted and jived to the middle of the dance floor, MDMA rising up through his spine. His jaw swirling, body shivering, limbs loosening. Joy filling his mind, body and soul despite the confusing, cold-blooded celebrity murder he had just witnessed on a four metre square flat white in a brand new nightclub. The evening had become incomprehensible and suddenly long-winded.

Tonka made his way to the unisex toilets for a piss and a look in the mirror. There seemed to be a consensus throughout the club that the laser beam murder and the slotting of Tony De Vit on a big screen had been a mass hallucination caused by a bad batch of pills. Tonka chuffed over to the east African gentleman and spent a two pound coin on a strawberry lollipop. “Am I the only one who thinks there’s something more to this than a few dodgy Vera’s?” he asked. The old man just laughed.

“What’s so funny?” asked Tonka.

“Nothing, mate” he said in a broad West Midlands accent before scurrying away towards the DJ booth.


To cut a long story short, Tonka finally slumped to his knees on the dance floor, a spear hanging out the back of his head, surrounded by the severed faces of his best friends and the slow march of a brigade of clowns retreating towards their Big Top in the chill out room. Madders approached the microphone stand for the final time and announced in an over-the-top manner that Star Cult are, “gonna play one more!”

Madders stepped back to reveal two silhouettes advance. Tony De Vit and a cryogenetically persevered Adolf Hitler stepped out from the shadows and prepared their Technics 1210 MK2 turntables for one last 12". An arrogant high-five and a lot of over-enthusiastic nodding accompanied the kick-drum intro as Cuz I’m Rockin’ by F1 filled the heavy air of murder on the dance floor to an almost empty nightclub.

Tonka lay bleeding to death in a pool of his own boiled blood and on the final beat, Da Place Ta Be evaporated into Hell, leaving nothing but your own interpretation of events.



WRDMemes

The Weekly Review of Dance Music has launched a new social media campaign aimed at preventing frowns and raising awareness for dance music to a wider, non-dancing audience. Using the hash tag #WRDMemes, WRDM is asking the UK’s 40 million Twitter and Facebook users to post hilarious dance music related memes.


Head of Media and Internal Communications Tonka explains: “The craze for memes, where people take existing images or photos on their smart phones and upload them to social media sites with hilarious captions, has reached new heights. We’re jumping on the bandwagon to help us reach a specific age-band within our target audience of young professionals. According to a recent poll by phone company HTC, 75 per cent of 18 to 24 year olds LOVE dance memes and our own research shows that young professionals, 18 to 35 year olds are responsible for a high percentage of accidental pop and rock band gig attendances in London.”


Examples of #WRDMemes include:










I'm proper bored of doing memes now. It won't be hard to top any of them so #getinvolved That last one is actually a taster for my next single, E Is For England (Let's Score). It's going to be the official minimal hard house track for England at the World Cup in Brasil. It'll hopefully be a terrace favourite for our brave boys travelling from Peterborough, Millwall, West Bromwich, East Ham, Chelsea and Leeds to do battle with crews and squads from all over the world.

I'll be back soon with more of this and loads more of that.

I'm just getting off the tube at Farringdon now so I'd better fuck off. I'm a bit late for Fabric's birthday party! At least I didn't forget to bring a card.

I might not be the first one in, but I will be the last one out. I'll try and post something from the Room 1 dance floor on Sunday afternoon when Ricky V is on.


Follow me: @tonkawrdm
Email me: tonkawrdm@gmail.com

MASSIVE QUESTIONS with SEVERINO

Horse Meat Disco are a group of men who play music for dancing to. You won't find any tech-groove, hard-swing or tribal-industry cuts in ANY of their sets. Disco is what they put in their name and disco is what they play. If you do go to a Horse Meat Disco concert and hear James Hillard, Jim Stanton, Filthy Luka or Severino play ANYTHING other than disco you are legally entitled to your money back. That little detail is something HMD sneakily tuck away on the back, and at the bottom, of their tickets and is a fact that WRDM are happy to expose.


Last weekend I met up with Severino in Soho to discuss music, life and Horse Meat Disco's infamous beef with Disco Bloodbath. We had a look in some mucky bookshops, had a frapalappaccino in Bar Italia and sat romantically on the kerb outside The Admiral Duncan as thousands of tourists, arseholes and wankers slowly tramped by.

This is the transcript:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q) For anyone unfamiliar with the name Severino, could you tell them who you are, what you do and why you do it?
A) I'm a resident DJ for a gay disco night called Horse Meat Disco in Vauxhall London every Sunday night...also I play regular at Dalston Superstore, Vogue, Fabrics, Shoreditch House, Edition Hotel, Manbar and resident DJ at The Bloc Tel Aviv for Pag Party...also spins regular in NYC at Cielo and Output and Prince Charles Berlin...I'm making music too.

Q) Has establishing yourself in the music industry been a massive uphill gardening session or a walk in the daisies?
A) Daisies darling...not so much into gardening unfortunately.


Q) What made you choose the moniker Severino as a DJ name? Did you every toy with prefixing it with DJ like a proper DJ (DJ Severino), or suffixing it with something more exciting like Bosh Master (DJ Bosh Master) or Raw Beatz (DJ Raw Beatz)?
A) Severino is my real Italian name(from my grandfather)so I thought it would be exotic here in LDN to keep it as a DJ name.

Q) Slow and circular insertions or hard and fast, piston-like thrusts?
A) Slow slow...always...fast sometimes...but slow is more sexy.



Q) Growing up in Italy, were there any local influences? Club nights, DJs, promoters that made you consider what you do now an option? Or did you look beyond Lo stivale for inspiration?
A) I used to listen and play at disco-Afro stuff. In the 80s (the beginning) there was this huge Afro movement, we were listening more African stuff (Fela) but also early electronic (Tangerine Dream) stuff...also proper disco...but then went into hip hop and of course house. I love music...any kind of musique.

Q) Clap or snare?
A) Mmm, clap are more gay?? Ahah.



Q) Have you ever completed a transition in a DJ set with a spin-back? If so, which record was it and what was the reaction of the crowd?
A) RIP Groove...some speed garage stuff...very Notting Hill carnival...ahaha.

Q) Può spiegare la carne bovina tra Horse Meat Disco e Disco Bloodbath? Si tratta di un semplice nord / sud del fiume divide o fa lo sciopero martello più difficile?
A) Mmmm, ahaha...La carne di HMD is horse...but we don't eat horses, even if they do in some parts of Italy (including my area!)...I don't do differences with anybody...at least I try.

Q) Who is your favourite oboist?
A) OMG, I don't know... :-( haven't follow so much.

                               


Q) You are DJing with HMD at Random Magic on 26 October. Why should readers of this magazine choose Random Magic over Pure Pacha vs Café Mambo, which is on the same night in the same city (London)?
A) I guess credible music choice? Focus in different, great genres...enthusiastic music lovers too.

Q) What is Dan Beaumont really like?
A) A lovely chap...he loves his music and shares with people in his places...a great guy.



Q) If you had a gun to your head and had to choose, what is your all time favourite mix CD and why?
A) All those Choices CDs were great...not mix though...or those Jockey Slut comps...AMAZING.

Q) Stone cold sober or absolutely fucking terminated?
A) Mmmm, not so sober here most of the times...ahhaha...mmm determinated I guess.


Q) Richard Madeley?
A) I don't know, who's he?

Q) What do you and Horse Meat Disco have planned for the rest of the year and 2014?
A) Making more music from our studio with friends, singing and HMD Vol 4 is definitely in the pipeline...and to keep having fun, dance, travel and spread love all over the world.


Sev

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What a lovely man! Please join me in wishing Severino all the very best for the future. He's a smashing young prospect and I'm certain that he's going all the way. Also, join me in urging the whole of Horse Meat Disco to sort me out with 2 x guest spots in The Eagle pod on the London Eye in November for me and Mrs Tonka.

Red Bull don't just make delicious drinks, they are at the forefront of the music scene in London, and around the world. The Red Bull Music Academy and Google+ bring you Revolutions in Sound, a living archive of club culture.

Have a look around this site here and acclimatise yourself with the future, whilst indulging in the past...

Follow Severino: @SeverinoDj
Listen to HMD: soundcloud.com/horse-meat-disco
Make HMD rich: HORSE MEAT DISCO SHOP
Go to The Eagle on Sunday: eaglelondon.com

Bye bye!

Follow me: @tonkawrdm
"Like" me: facebook.com/tonkawrdm
Email me: tonkawrdm@gmail.com


 








































WRDMusic Reviews

My tummy was rumbling so I bowled into a shop to buy some food. After that I went to Club Fabric to watch Tone of Arc. In the middle of her set I thought to myself that I really ought to write some more proper posts instead of Hilarious Lookalikes, MASSIVE QUESTION filler and


“Get back to basics”, I peeped to myself. Not THAT Back To Basics in Leeds I thought immediately afterwards. Micky John and I had sniffed some ket on top of all that M so we were connected through telekinetics on the dance floor. He knew what I was thinking and screamed in my ear that I should claim back my identity and write reviews again because, his words: "YOU'RE THE FUCKING WEEKLY REVIEW OF DANCE FUCKING MUSIC. REVIEW SOME FUCKING TUNES THEN, TONK. I KNOW YOU GOT STRUCK OFF ONE OF THE DISTRIBUTION LISTS FOR TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT A BLOKE ON HOT CREATIONS AND YOU THINK YOU MIGHT GET YOUR FINGERS BURNED AGAIN BUT STOP FUCKING FRETTING AND LISTEN TO SOME NEW CHOONS INSTEAD OF BANGING ON ABOUT SUNDISSENTIAL AND TONY DE FUCKING VIT."

And people say that ecstasy kills your brain cells! Here's some weekly dance music reviews...

Yousef feat. Charli Taft - I See


Teenage Liverpudlian dance God, Yousef, is best known for winning that Barmy Bedroom DJ competition in Mixmag a couple of years ago. He's now making a name for himself in the UK by opening up a dance label called Circus and making sure-fire club hits which are both powerfully emotive and delightfully enchanting!

I See by Yousef feat. Charli Taft sounds like the music to a 1990s blue Audi Saab advert, in a good way.



Yousef feat. Charli Taft - I See
9/10

Out on 28 October 2013 on Defected with remixes from Shadow Child and Crooked Si Man.

Mosquito - San Frandisco

When Fatboy Slim heard this he stuck BOTH of his thumbs up! San Frandisco is disco music the way God and Jesus intended: funky rhythms, snares on the 2 and 4, jiggly guitar licks that are actually better than anything Niles Rogers could come up with and vocals to absolutely die for. I don't have a fucking clue what this song is about but I'm sat here writing about it - it's that banging.

San Frandisco by Mosquito Sounds like Daft Punk pretending to be the Scissor Sisters in a South Ruislip launderette, in a good way.

                           


Mosquito - San Frandisco
9/10

Out now with a rework by Matt Kootchi on Good Lucky Recordings in all good record shops and here: The iTunes Shop

Name One and Maxxi Soundsystem - One In Three

This reminds me of a track I made a few years ago on Ableton Live 8 called Two Thirds of Three, except that the track I made was a minimal hard house banger that went on for over nine minutes. One In Three by Name One and Maxxi Soundsystem is just five minutes long and sounds like it could slot easily into Tiga's INTHEMIX.05 CD he did with Ajax in 2005, in a good way.

It starts off with a spooky noise that, in my case, makes you jump before growing into a sparky dance flower that could easily be edited into a 3 minute pop song for the charts. It's just fucking brilliant, to be honest with you. Don't just take my word for it though, I telephoned the managing director of their record label, who had this to say:

Name One’s dark vocals combined with Maxxi Soundsystem’s increasingly impressive production marks ‘One In Three’ as an inspiring collaboration and one that is surely destined for greatness.



Name One and Maxxi Soundsystem - One In Three
10/10

Out on 11 November 2013 on Defected with a sparse, bass-driven remix with hardly any of the original vocals in by a mysterious bloke called (Dub)

Fabio Gianelli - Lost In 27 (Remixes)

Lost In 27 sounds like an evil runaway train wheeshing along the track in search of a fat German damsel to run over, in a good way. This nifty remix package backs up the original with a Darius Syrossian pad-athon jack-athon with lovely "Feel It" vocal fills every now and again. I've said many times over the years that a "Feel It" or a "Come On" brighten up ANY track you put them on, and I'm proved right every time.

Wankelmut (stop sniggering! LOLoutLOUD) delivers a not-quite tribal, almost woodland space that is lighter in tone but keeps you pumping and pumping and pumping, getting faster and faster, tightening that grip a little whilst continuing to build and build until you can't take any more and have to release. The pleasure that Wanklemut brings to me is a treasure I find difficult to explain, it's an almost private joy - one that you can share with me and understand if you buy this remix package on Get Physical.


Fabio Gianelli - Lost In 27 (Remixes)
8/10

Phew! I can still review music. I've proved to myself, and to Micky John, that I can still listen to a piece of music and then judge the fuck out of it in writing. Fingers crossed the Guardian Guide pick up on this and have me as their guest music reviewer some time soon, eh?

I'll be back later this week with a highly charged MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Severino from Horse Meat Disco and if you go to Ran$om Note dot com on Friday you'll probably see my column (Tonka's Week) where I write down all the things I've done over the last seven days.

I still have FOUR tickets to give away for Random Magic. Four. All you have to do is either draw me a picture, doctor an existing one or just write to me and make me laugh. The competition adjudicators are now as bothered about it as I am. Just make sure you enter and drum up some more business for Fire in Vauxhall and the Random Magic promoters who happen to be very dear and personal friends of mine.


Follow me: @tonkawrdm

Like me: facebook.com/tonkawrdm

Email me: tonkawrdm@gmail.com


THESE MEN ARE PLAYING RANDOM MAGIC NEXT WEEK:

WRandomDMagic Competition

For your chance to win FOUR tickets to the Random Magic Halloween Special in London this month and a bottle of SPOOKY Diablo red wine, call WRDMHQ on 0898 69 69 69 and tell me how NASTY you wanna be with me.

Only joking! LOLoutLOUD


For your chance to win FOUR tickets to the Random Magic Halloween Special in London this month and a bottle of SPOOKY Diablo red wine, all you need to do is decide who you think is the most attractive DJ playing on the night and write down what position you'd most like to share with him/her, then post it on my Facebook or Twitter. 

For example: Honey Dijon/from behind.

Only joking! ROFLOFuckingL




For your chance to win FOUR tickets to the Random Magic Halloween Special in London this month and a bottle of SPOOKY Diablo red wine, all you need to do is answer this question correctly:

Q. Who is Tonka's favourite horror star?

A. Freddy Kruger?
A. Pinhead?
A. That evil clown out of IT?


Photo: COMPETITION EXAMPLE

Pinhead/Dan Beaumont

Once you've chosen your answer, upload a doctored picture of the horror star with their head pasted onto one of the Random Magic DJ's body (example above: Pinhead/Dan Beaumont) to my Facebook or Twitter

The cut-off point for this competition is Tuesday 22 October.

I will then choose the winner based on what scared me the most.

Here's the full info on the event itself with means to actually BUY tickets if you don't feel confident about winning my competition: 
facebook.com/RandomMagic

IMPORTANT UPDATE: I’ve changed my mind about putting horror star’s heads on top of DJ’s bodies. It’s a fucking shit idea. You can still do that if you want, and if it’s scary enough you’re still in with a chance. However, a NEW way to win 4 tickets to Random Magic is to simply create a horrible DJ related image (can be a drawing or a MS Paint job).
Upload to my Facebook or Twitter. The scariest one will win.

If you’re too ashamed to upload, email me in confidence at tonkawrdm@gmail.com and I will upload on your behalf with your name disguised you sick, sick bastard.






MASSIVE QUESTIONS with FLORI

MASSIVE QUESTIONS is just like the buses, you wait ages for one and then loads of them come at once! LOLoutLOUD!

I did write this the other day for them though.


Anyway, if you know your dance music then you know that Flori makes dance music for people in popular nightclubs and even plays the recordings of the music he's made (mostly with his BFF, and my nan, Ethyl) in the popular nightclubs that the dancers (clubbers) are dancing to!


Talk about fingers in pies, if Flori doesn't slow down he'll have the pastry and chicken and mushroom all over his fists! Know what I mean?


I'm not going to tell you loads about him because, to be honest, you should fucking know already. If you don't know about Flori, here are some MASSIVE QUESTIONS I conducted with him on the cobbles of The Light Bar in Wolverhampton last week that should give you all the information you need.


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Q) For anyone unfamiliar with the name Flori, can you tell THEM who you are, what you do and why you do it?
A) Hello Tonka. I am an Englishman who tries to make and play house and techno. I do it for all the wrong reasons; booze, broads and bucks.

Q) You famously grew up just outside of Wolverhampton. How did you swerve the influence of Slade, Black Sabbath, Nu-NRG Ultra House and very close family members advising you to knock on factory doors when you turn sixteen that must have been palmed down your throat and end up making records for Secretsundaze, etc?
A) I naturally swerved all that shit with a childhood soundtrack of Northern and Philly Soul, Motown and seventies crossover stuff. Away from soul, two of my old man’s biggest passions are Puccini and The Beatles, so I was bombarded with melody whilst still in my cot. So yeah, guitar sounds (bar The Beatles) and Euro synth-lines were few and far between in our household, which is probably why I never got in to Ozzy or those two Italian chaps (I had to look Nu NRG up).

Getting in to house music seemed like a natural progression from the soul stuff. I remember going to my folk’s modern soul nights as a young teen and hearing tracks like Jon Cutler –It’s Yours. I loved the huge kicks and the repetitive nature of it all. I knew straight away that this was what I wanted to do. A few years later and I was sending dodgy demos to my boys Giles and James (obviously this was post-Sundissential) and they've been bloody brilliant to me ever since.




Q) Clap or snare?
A) Clap. Like in Downlink – Arrival.




Q) What software/hardware do you use to make music?
A) Software-wise I've always used Logic. She makes you work really hard for average mixes but there’s something very attractive about her dull, grey appearance. There’s a trust there I’ve never managed to gain with other programs. On the hardware front, I’ve recently purchased a Moog Minitaur and an MFB Tanzbär. They both sound shit-hot and I’m looking forward to getting two working harmoniously together over the coming weeks.

Tim (Ethyl), who I work a lot with, has recently bought a load of new toys. We’re both trying to get out of that damn box as much as possible.

Q) How long have you been making music, and how much has the hardware/software changed since you first started?
A) Nearly 6 years, I think – with my first record coming out nearly 4 years ago. For the first few years it was all computer-based music – soft synths and samples (who, I have to thank Tim for). The computer though, does have a way of making the creative process seem more like work and this is why more recently, I’ve been keen to move away from it and fire up some machines.

            


Q) I typed Flori into YouTube the other day and it's FULL of Albanian SHIT. Even typing DJ Flori into the search bar delivers the same results. What is the best way to watch your videos on YouTube?
A) Ah, Flori Mumajesi. I’m convinced family members who’ve shown an interest in what I do, think that that’s me. He seems a good guy. I was having a conversation about this very issue with Leif (of Fear of Flying and UMHS fame) a few months ago, as he has a similar problem. I suppose you need to use specific track titles when searching. If you get one up, I’m sure YouTube will do the rest.


Q) What is Ethyl really like?
A) I call him the Memory Man. He’s talented, elitist and hilarious. He’s a true gent, who always looks after me.

Q) One of the happiest night's of my life was the Tidy Trax 5th birthday party at The Mezzanine in Wolverhampton, the only nightclub in the village. Did you ever go to Mezzanine in Wolverhampton?
A) Damn! I think I just missed Mezzanine. When I started hitting Wolves, it was Atlantis or the Civic Centre. Always started off in Cuban though. Quality house music played in there by my friend Adam Turner, who still resides today.
Q) Next time I'm up in Walsall, do you fancy going for a MASSIVE boozing session at WS1 on Bridge Street?
A) Absolutely, it’s a date. We’ll start in my neck of the woods and get the train over to WS.

Q) What instrument do you usually start a track with?
A) A pad (so synth or sampler).
Q) I read in Teshno that you picked the name Flori because Florence and the Machine had just blown up, not literally. Why, in the notoriously macho world of dance, choose a lady's name that sounds like a flower?
A) Well, it was nearly Florence. It was because of the Machine that I abbreviated it. I thought it went well with Ethyl and a decision had to be made because we had a record due out. If we ever do a live show, I think it would be cool to dress up as old ladies. We could move our gear round in those fabric trolleys you see being carted round markets.

Q) Tulisa Contostavlos or Lana Del Rey?
A) New look Tulisa on a knees-up. Lana at a gig.
Q) What is your favourite Brass Eye scene?
A) Excellent question, and one that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed researching. Something short and sweet for today I think. I give you, Ted Maul:

                           

I think you should do a ‘Brass Eye Scene of the Week’ on WRDM.

Q) As a successful young DJ and producer, are you able to go out clubbing and relax or are you forever comparing yourself to who's playing?
A) Yes, apparently a little too much so if you asked some of my friends. I love being and playing at a really a good party equally, I think. If someone’s really shit and I’ve had too many, the person next to me will probably hear about it.

Q) Stone cold sober or absolutely fucking terminated?
A) Terminated in front of the decks, stone cold behind. The twain are rarely achieved.
Q) What are your plans for the rest of the year? Anything you need to plug?
A) The following have either just come out or are just about to come out:

Ethyl & Flori – Technology Pavilion [Black Key Records]

 

Ethyl & Flori – Changes [Appian Sounds]



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What a lovely, fresh-faced young man! I'll forgive his Wolverhampton blood; I could actually tell that he has a brain and in all of his press pics you can clearly see that he's washed behind his ears during the fortnightly bath in the family steel tub. See you in WS1, Flori! Mine's a black Sambuca.

Follow Flori on Twitter: @florimusic


I'll be back soon with even more words n' sentences.


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