WRDM25

Where are YOU going to get off your tool box this weekend? Before you look on Resident Advisor, The Guardian Guide or Time Out, have a think about who really has a clue about what's going on in UK club land (me).

In this week's world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music I'll be telling you which night to go to if you live in the following three or four places:

  • Other Regions
  • West and Wales
  • South and East
  • Scotland
  • Northern Ireland
  • North
  • Midlands
  • London


Other Regions

Outside of the British Isles there really is only one place to head to on Saturday night. Duel: Beat opens its doors for the very first time and Super Discount himself, Etienne De Crecy, is there to help etc, etc, with making this night a roaring etc, etc. If you can avoid looking at the many mafioso clubbers in the wrong way you'll have a bellissimo time.

Duel:Beat Opening Season with Etienne de Crecy at Duel Beat

Scarfoglio (ex base US NAVY) 76, 80100 Napoli (NA), Italy



West and Wales

Ratpack return to Newport on Saturday night for what is sure to be a buzzing night of old school beats, old school bass, old school hi-hats, old school synths, old school vocals, old school scratching, old school spin backs and old school flava. Know what I mean? Join Top Buzz and Ratpack for nine hours - NINE FUCKING HOURS - of middle-aged men in tracksuits on steroids looking like they want to tear your head off for breathing to a backdrop of uplifting top speed house and garage.

Ratpack 25th Anniversary at The Bassment
The Bassment, 14 Stow Hill, Newport, Gwent NP20 1JB



South and East

Because we...are...your friends...you...will never be alone again, so come one...I'm talking to you, come on! On Saturday night you can party in Dorset like it's London in 2005. Mak & Pasteman, The Golden Boy, Shark Bait, Jack Light, Neffa-T, Audio Sleaze, Ca:ro and WAYF DJs take over a fire station in Bournemouth to bring you the latest in retro-house sliders and visual treats.

We Are Your Friends: Opening Part 2 - The Main Event
The Old Firestation, 36 Holdenhurst Road, Bournemouth, Dorset; BH8 8AD, United Kingdom



Scotland

Get yourself up to Scotland this weekend, specifically Saturday, for a rare Horse Meat Disco set outside of London. I could have sworn that Severino told me in Chariots that they don't like to venture north of the border because of CONTENT REMOVED BY LAWYERS REPRESENTING TONKA after Jim Stanton CONTENT REMOVED BY LAWYERS REPRESENTING TONKA on top of a wheelie bin outside a kebab shop. Horse Meat Disco and cartoon disc jockey Mighty Mouse spin the decks and pump the tunes all night long (until 3am) at Cabaret Voltaire in Edinburgh.

Nightfilm
Cabaret Voltaire, 36 Blair St, Edinburgh, EH1 1QR, Scotland


Northern Ireland

This Saturday night witness Dublin's finest and Ireland's number one party DJ, DJ Tando, take care of business in the main room at Sense Nightclub in Cookstown. With DJ Sluger in the Secret Lounge you'll be spoiled for choice when it comes to music! Local resident, Jimmy Cricket, is often spotted at the bar on Saturday nights but I'm told that he doesn't do autographs, photos or small talk. Be warned to avoid embarrassment.


If you travel the Sense Express way for £20, you get transport, queue jumping permissions and free entrance to the club.

Sense
Glenavon House Hotel, 52 Drum Rd, Cookstown, County Tyrone BT80 8JQ


North

Madchester is where it's at for the rest of the year. The Warehouse Project sucks all the best DJs in the world into it's warehouse and charges you around £30 entrance fee to look, hear and dance to all the music that gets played. Tune after tune after tune will get rinsed by under and overground DJs. There'll be DJs that you've heard of and DJs that you'd not heard of until you got there. Needless to say, the music will be out of this world and if you don't have a fantastic time at any of the nights you can get a ticket for then you're a bit fucking simple and need to get on the ferry to Northern Ireland for DJ Tando at Sense.


KiNK (live), Dixon, Carl Craig and Martinez Brothers stand out for me at this opening weekend.

Welcome To The Warehouse at The Warehouse Project
The Warehouse Project, Victoria Warehouse, Trafford Wharf Road, M17 1AB


Midlands

Watch Mark A, Beane and Wrighty go all starry-eyed, laughing in all the right places and fetching the main man regular cups of tea in between Tweeting pictures of themselves sharing the DJ booth with Andrew Weatherall, who headlines Soul Buggin's 9th birthday party at The Bodega Social Club in Nottingham on Saturday night.

Expect nautical loops, Notts hard-bag and high-tempo, stripped-bare haus and techno.

Soul Buggin' 9th Birthday at The Bodega Social Club
The Bodega Social Club, 23 Pelham Street, Nottingham, NG1 2ED, United Kingdom


London

Café Mambo is a great spot for watching that sunset whilst seething. Silently you stand, cramped against the doorway as somebody off of Radio One talks over another record. You regret not trying to argue a bit more forcibly with your friends that sitting outside Café Del Mar and listening to something a bit more chilled is the better option. Sister Bliss and Fergie bring that Cafe Mambo vibe to London's Pacha on Saturday night.

Pop along, spend £15 on the door, watch a load of Australians spill beer on the floor and wish that you were at Club Fabric for Bicep and Daniel Bell.


Cafe Mambo Ibiza On Tour
Pacha London, Terminus Place, Victoria, London SW1V 1JR, United Kingdom


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Wherever you are in the UK, you're GUARANTEED to have a good time this weekend after reading all that. Sincere apologies to everyone who reads this outside of the UK. I'll try to create a worldwide clubbing guide soon. Please bear with me.

I'll be back soon with more posts, reviews, etc, MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Flori, the very first WRDMFM podcast, MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Brandon Block, a dramatic piece about the escalating Musical Bingo wars in London, more guest posts on Ran$om Note and some exciting news about Google.


Follow me: @tonkawrdm


Email me: tonkawrdm@gmail.com

Ps. How good was that Spencer Parker pod on RA this week?


WRDMega Powers

The Mega Powers are a new tag team in the World Web Federation (WWF). The Mega Powers consist of the Weekly Review of Dance Music and "Macho Mate" Ran$om Note with Miss Angie (Ran$om's real life wife, though portrayed online as his girlfriend) as their valet. As of today, Hogan is the only surviving Mega Powers member as Elizabeth died in 2003 and Savage in 2011.


From now until they want me to stop, I'll be writing guest articles on The Ran$om Note. I assure you that it will not be to the detriment of my writing on here, the world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music. YOU are my real friends.

Last weekend, I packed little Adam and Russell Heaps off to Ibiza. I worked extremely hard to secure them both guest list for We Love at Space on Sunday and I am now counting this as the third and final prize for Russell. Russell, as you will remember, was promised three prizes for SENSATIONALLY winning my Draw a DJ competition. We are now all square.



Here is a link to the article I wrote for The Ran$om Note, based on the weekend Adam and Russell enjoyed at my expense:


Follow Ran$om Note on Twitter. NOW: @ransomnoted
"Like" them on Facebook: facebook/Ransom

I'll be back real soon with MASSIVE QUESTIONS being put to Flori, Remix of the Week, more album and single reviews, critiques of all the different club nights I regularly attend, MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Brandon Block, the very first ever WRDMFM podcast with Draper and an investigation into the escalating Musical Bingo wars in London. #bringandshare all day fucking long, mates.

Follow me on Twitter: @tonkawrdm

"Like" me on Facebook: facebook/WRDM

Email me: tonkawrdm@gmail.com


        





MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Tim Sheridan

GANG.

Tim Sheridan is more than just a man. He is a DJ and dance music producer. He is a confidant of all twelve Utah Saints. Tim Sheridan is the party promoter and flyer giver-outer for legendary mid-morning shindig, Veryverywrongindeed. He is handsome. He is Sir Dancealot. The bitch been around before my mother born.


After visiting a cool new tourist shop off of Baker Street on Saturday afternoon, I spied Tim Sheridan playing Snap with Shane Watcha in the corner of the nearby Weatherspoons. I stormed in, sat down beside them, totally ignored Shane and fired off question after question after question to Tim whilst angrily clicking my fingers for service.

For Tim, my MASSIVE QUESTIONS were a welcome distraction to his game of Snap. Shane was storming into an unassailable lead. Here's the transcript, remembered from my mind:

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Q) For anyone unfamiliar with the name Tim Sheridan, could you tell THEM who you are, what you do and why you do it?
A) I worked out recently that most people only go clubbing for about 3 years before life/drugs/kids/spouses forces them to stop. So most people don't know who I am. This is borne out if you go in any magazine office like say Mixmag or DJ, both of whom I've been involved in since they started...it's like the set of Bugsy Malone in there. My fave song from Bugsy Malone is this one:



But they are all dead good. Yeah, I like a musical if it's a good one so what? I think the thing about 'being known' is; if it's part of your job it's to realise that you are only as good as your last thing and it's not a given right. Why should someone who is 18 know me? When I was a big noise in Ibiza they were 10. When I was releasing 2-step, sorry Deep House(!), Disclosure were 3 years old. I did my first gig in 1985. I'm ok about being old. You have to be. I generally assume people don't know who I am. Cos they usually don't. I'm not Madonna. 

What do I do? I make and play music for dancing. Why? I've been doing it so long I don't know how to do anything else.

Q) Was establishing yourself in the dance music industry an uphill struggle or an arrogant strut through the park?
A) Good question. I'm not sure if I am established. I have been though. Things will change very dramatically if you do anything long enough. I've been in and out of favour more than once. I started before there was any industry so you could say it was a walk in the park to begin with because none of us got paid or even took it all that seriously in the 80s. We were musicians in bands and we'd DJ before or after shows for a laugh. The whole thing of making DJing a big thing kind of happened around you and one day you were DJing more than playing proper gigs and eventually promoters cottoned on that one bloke with a box was cheaper than 5 idiots with a van. It becomes a struggle every 10 years or so when younger people come up and want you out of the way and you kind of have to prove (again) you can do the job. Eventually you can really find yourself cast aside and then it's a real Sisyphean task. I guess 'both' is the short answer.


Q) Open or closed hi-hat?
A) Both. All my life. Frequently.

Q) What is so wrong about Veryverywrongindeed?
A) The record label or the events? My Dad calls me 'The Betamax Kid' because I always start things when everyone else is leaving. He said "I'm nearly 80 and even I know nobody pays for music offa the internot" (sic) and this was when I started the label 7 years, 42 releases and gazillions of lost quids ago. Does that suffice as an answer?


Q) I used to love going to VVWI at The Key. I'm sure I used to see Erin O'Connor walking around. Did she go to VVWI or was I hallucinating?
A) I don't know who the hell that is so I can't help you there. My knowledge of 'slebz stopped with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. And, to be fair, they've all been pretty shit since.




Q) I attended the last ever party at The Key with VVWI but, due to being spannered, I cannot remember a thing about it now. Can you remind me, and WRDM, who played and how good it was?
A) Yeah we called it the "Bring a Sledgehammer Party" because the bulldozers were literally outside the place. I will need to rummage for a bit to find your answer though cos a lot has happened both in life and to my brain in the 6 years since. I do know we had Ewan Pearson on the back to back duties with me as a late unannounced extra bonus which was one of the several reasons it was so ace. You were spannered?? Nikki who used to run The Key was so spannered he just said 'fuck it' at about 4am and left the whole place to it and we carried on til about 2pm with the builders at the door calling the police. It was dead good. Hang on. Rummage completed:


Q) What made you choose the moniker Tim Sheridan as a DJ name? Did you every toy with prefixing it with DJ like a proper DJ (DJ Tim Sheridan), or suffixing it with something more exciting like Dancefloor Busta (DJ Dancefloor Busta) or Beat Droppa (DJ Beat Droppa)?
A) Haha "proper DJ" nice. It's my name what else would I use? I think it's a bit wanky to give yourself a cool name. Very wanky actually. "Oh my name? I'm MC Humongous O'Tool yeah I'm DJ Dangertrousers. Call me Iceberg Chillibollockz. yeah I'm DJ Wacky Fucker. Etcetera". My first and last DJ pseudonym was "Sir Dancealot" you'll be amused to hear. I used to play Disco in the 80s.

Q) What are Utah Saints really like?
A) Still the nicest people I've met in the biz. You might think "Yeah but that's easy in a biz full of twats like yours" so I'd go so far as to say some of the nicest people I've ever met anywhere. Dave Beer used to be our tour manager (once) and used to call us 'The Celebrity Squares'. Jez's Dad was a physics teacher and for all the dayglo dreadlocks, Jez is his Dad. In a humongous stadium he'd go "Thankyouverymuchladies 'n' gennlemen" in a tiny voice after each song. None of the rest even drank (ever, not even tried it) let alone did anything else. That's my job. I love them lads. I owe them everything.




Q) Stone cold sober or absolutely fucking terminated?
A) Me? Sober now. I can still embarrass the hell out of anyone who wants to go at it... but only if it's a special occasion though. No one can survive 30 years on the gear. Only if you are a mega earner and have a network of doctors and shepherds around you, and are treated like a child might you survive, and even then, your body might but your brain will be shredded. I wouldn't change a thing though. Ten years in Ibiza was pretty special and I don't care if I can't remember a lot of it. I'm all about the moment and always have been. Balls to the past. My brain chemistry is fucked now, like. My synapses are like raisins. I exercise and eat like a monster and I'm tip top but if I fall off the wagon it can take a week to recover. And by recover I mean I can barely move for 2 or 3 days. And by a week I mean 7 days not just a bit moody on a Tuesday. It's not good. I'm a delicate flower. One day you have to choose if you are going to take part in the world or live in a bubble. All caners face that choice. There's no advice or rules everyone finds their own way... the hard way.

Q) Curate your fantasy party. What's it called? Where is it? Who's playing (can be dead or alive)? What time does it start? Can we wear trainers?
A) I spent my whole life doing that cheers, I'll pass. I stopped recently after about 8 years of mainly free parties when I realised exactly no-one goes around saying "Gosh! I bet all this took a lot of time and money!" they are too busy trying to nick the lights or blag some gak. Sounds cheesy but all I've worked on and those to come are my best shot at it.


Q) Gillian Taylforth?
A) Hahahahaha! All I remember her from was as Christopher Biggins' assistant on 'On Safari' which no one under 40 will remember. She had that rough voice then too. She was well fit. I missed her turn on Eastenders. Way too miserable for me. Plus I've never had a telly as an adult. Don't get me wrong, I watch rubbish all the time but on DVD. Just never had a telly plugged into an aerial like.




Q) Do you have any advice for any young wannabe DJs, producers or promoters who read the world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music?
A) Not really. I used to but I don't think it makes any difference at all what I say and I'm a bit sick of my own voice now haha.

Q) Literally hundreds of people read this blog per quarter, so is there anything you'd like to plug?
A) Nah. Come say hello to me on Facebook I won't bite. Well I may gnaw a bit.


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What a lovely man! Please join me in wishing Tim all the very best for the future and support ALL of his future endeavours.

Get stuck into Tim Sheridan's Facebook page: facebook

Put some money in his pocket by purchasing all of this: beatport.com

Listen to his music: veryverywrongindeed.com

Listen to his old stuff: soundcloud.com/sherrers

I'll be back soon with more posts, reviews, news and EXCLUSIVES. I packed off two of my junior reporters to Ibiza on Saturday morning for We Love at Space on Sunday. They were due back an hour ago with a full review and I haven't seen them yet. If I find out they went to Circo Loco today instead of coming back to WRDMHQ I'll go fucking spare.


Follow me on Twitter: @tonkawrdm
Like me on Facebook: facebook
Email me interesting things: tonkawrdm@gmail.com
























NOW FUCK OFF BACK TO RESIDENT ADVISOR





                               



















WRDMore Hilarious Lookalikes!

Look at these pictures of dance music industry bigwigs who look like other people and LAUGH yourself inside out!

NOW.



I'm not being funny, but if Sasha turned up on Brookside Avenue down at Channel 4 studios on my telly at 8.30pm on a Wednesday night I'd be thinking Jimmy Corkhill had spiked my cup of tea with smack! The Son of God definitely looks a bit like Barry Grant, doesn't he?! LOL



The last person I want beef with is DJ Sneak. His scathing put-downs and bitchy Tweets about DJs and producers who have had the temerity to be successful make him someone I definitely don't want to fuck with. The House Gangster would certainly meet his match with PROPER gangster, Vito Spatafore, though. If Vito were alive today he would lure DJ Sneak to a motel and cave the back of his skull in with the handle of a Glock 9 pistol after watching Jack Da Ripper pour the two of them a double Cognac. Vito would then wash his hands before tying the Blu Belly Bandit's hands to the bed-posts. Once the knots had been tightened he would proceed to have full aggravated sexual intercourse with the Track Assassin before whacking the hoo-er and burying his body in one of Tony's big skips. The famous walk of shame back home to his wife and kids would no doubt ensue! Winking smiley face.

They don't half look a like, don't they?! LOL


Cliff Richard looks like he could play that dead fella who was in Weekend at Bernie's 1 and Weekend at Bernie's 2. If they did make a sequel called Weekend at Bernie's 3 they should call the Peter Pan of Pop up on his telephone and make him an offer he can't refuse...the chance to be in a Hollywood film called Weekend at Bernie's 3!!! LOL


Sir Ricardo Villalobos, anyone? LOL Can you even imagine Ricky V riding a motorbike?!?! LOL More's to the point, can you honestly see Bradley Wiggins rockin' the famous Room 1 dancefloor at 9am on a Sunday morning?! He'd probably play that Queen song about riding bikes!! LOL


The Brain Bashers won the nation's hearts with their soulful, fast-paced stompers in the mid-late 90s. Is it any coincidence that this was the sexiest period of Pamela Anderson's life? Hepatitis C and sucking Tommy Lee's cock on a boat for CNN was literally years away. Rachael Shock out of the Brain Bashers, as far as I know, has never committed her's and Graham Eden's sex life to film. Here's hoping they do, eh fellas?! LOL


Delroy, you plonker! You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off! Delroy Edwards might be the cool new name on the block but did ANY of you know he used to be the singer in noughties supergroup, Hear'Say? No? Well, he wasn't but he don't half look as though he should have been! Doesn't he?! LOL


For crying out loud, don't let Marcel Dettmann anywhere near a loaded shot-gun! I've been listening to In Utero unt Berghain: Unplugged all week but I still can't understand a bloody word that Kurt Cobain is saying - it's all boom boom boom! Marcel Dettmann and Kurt Cobain might look exactly like one another but they technically can't share access to the 27 Club anymore. Marcel Dettmann is 35 years old!! Any one of those preceding sentences would have been good enough as a caption - I definitely didn't need to include all three! LOL


I honestly don't know who ripped off who here? Cliff Tumble has been around a LOT longer than the Peter Pan of Minneapolis Funk...so draw your own conclusions! LOL
I'm properly bored now and my contact lenses are starting to itch. I hope you enjoyed giggling at these hilarious lookalikes as much as I've enjoyed copying the pictures from Google Images, pasting them side-by-side in Microsoft Word, using the Snipping Tool to hold the two images together before saving it as one jpeg to my Downloads folder and then uploading to this WRDM Post page prior to spell-checking, proof-reading, previewing the post, publishing it, sharing on Twitter, Facebook and occasionally in the RA forum set up specially for the world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music.

I'll be back soon with more and more posts, the first ever WRDMFM podcast and maybe a guest article or two on another fabulous website or something, we'll see how it goes, etc.

Who's with me?

TWITTER: @tonkawrdm
FACEBOOK: KOOBECAF
EMAIL: tonkawrdm@gmail.com

WRDMERCHANDISE

The Weekly Review of Dance Music is proud to present to you more items of merchandise for purchase. Each product is painstakingly created en masse by me in the Castle of Púbol, surrounded by misty images of Gala and a small army of "yes" men and fawning young ladies, high on gin and Hennessy.

The collection I present to you today was conceived after spending three days alone, six days in company and four days separated from myself because of the effects of what I'd done in company. Know what I mean?

Please place your orders through Twitter, Facebook or email.

Secretsundaze Ping Pong Paddles
Price negotiable on YOUR financial circumstances
Secretsundaze are the funnest, and funniest, people in Sunday afternoon clubbing in east London. THAT is as undisputed as Tyson was in 1988. However, what a lot of people don't know is that they are keen pingers.

What's a pinger, Tonka?

Well, a pinger is a a a a a a a a a a a a a someone who likes ping pong. I have it on good authority that Giles Smith and James Priestly love ping pong so much that they have even installed a ping pong table in the Secretsundaze office and force their beleaguered staff into futile doubles games against them each morning, every morning, Monday to Friday. I'm incredibly proud to host their very first foray into ping pong merchandise.

Prince Corn on the Cob Sex Forks
Price negotiable on YOUR financial circumstances
Prince only deals with purple, right? WRONG. Yellow is Prince's second favourite colour - anybody who watched Prince and the New Power Generation perform Gett Off at the MTV Video Music Awards in Los Angeles will bear my witness.

He doesn't only eat the purple bell-end of his own cock either, my sources have confirmed that he loves eating corn on the cob too. Prince being Prince, however, the diva in him doesn't like to get butter on his fingers so his office have asked the team (me) at WRDM to manufacture a job lot of official Prince Corn on the Cob Forks for His Royal Highness and his fans. I'm happy to help.

Mixmag Cigars

Price negotiable on YOUR financial circumstances
Celebrate Great Britain's most successful dance music magazine by sucking on one of their MASSIVE cigars. They come in one size; MASSIVE and they take fucking ages to clock. I've been smoking on Mixmag's cigar for over two years now and it still hasn't got me anywhere near having my own column, I mean, I still haven't got anywhere near finishing it yet.

I know people who know people who know some proper virgins with perfect cigar-rolling thighs. WRDM employed them for this mass-market tribute to my favourite mass-market magazine. Get cancer in a sophisticated way with Mixmag Cigars.

Super Sandwell District
Price negotiable on YOUR financial circumstances
Imagine that Sandwell District had their own beat 'em up game on the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) called Sandwell District.

What happens when the NES gets superseded by the Super Nintendo and they need a Sandwell District game for that? What do the computer whizz-kids at Nintendo do?

They develop a sequel with better graphics, call it Super Sandwell District, use the time machine that boffins from the year 2093 transported back to them and use that time machine to get Super Sandwell District to WRDMHQ in time for THIS post.

WRDM Drug Bag

Price negotiable on YOUR financial circumstances
Get your ecstasy E tablets into Club Fabric in style with this almost charmingly transparent drug bag. The only detail being the subtle WRDM legend and Shepherd logo emblazoned all over the back of it.

Whack your pills, or powder, it doesn't matter, into the WRDM Drug Bag, shove it in between your balls and arse-hole and then strut straight up to the bouncer with your arms out wide and smile. Arrogance.

If you're a lady clubber, simply plonk it down your Wonderbra.

Who say's that the Weekly Review of Dance Music is absolutely fucking shit these days, eh?

I'll be back soon enough with the following:
  • WRDMemes
  • WRDMFM podcast #1
  • WRDM25
  • MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Tim Sheridan, Brandon Block and Mr C
  • MORE news and reviews
Keep reading, keep sharing WRDM around the internet like a bitch in a gangster rap song and contact ME via all available medium for praise, constructive criticism and offers of paid work.

TWITTER: @tonkawrdm
FACEBOOK: me on facebook
GMAIL: tonkawrdm@gmail.com

Tonka's Week




<0> I was wanking hard over the thought of Lisa Pin-Up, Annie Mack and Tania Volcano in a cross-genre, hardcore, lesbian threesome on the famous Room 1 dance floor at Club Fabric whilst Miss Kittin played a special topless vocal set back-to-back with Deniz Kurtel.

Ten minutes later, with a clear view of my world, I sat naked at the writing desk and crushed up a couple of ecstasy E tablets under my Nectar Card. I wondered how on Earth I was supposed to extend the reach of my blog beyond the, however loyal, utterly mindless and immature male 18 - 24 demographic I've entertained for so long. I decided there and then, and there again, that I would only write about personal debasement if the anecdote relates to dance music and was written from the bottom of my heart. Know what I mean?

<0> I know more than anyone else how difficult long train journeys can be. I travel to and from WRDMHQ every day on the London Underground, I travel to at least four nightclubs a week all over the country in the name of dance music and I sometimes visit my family in the midlands. Unless you're pissed, have a funny magazine to read or are sat opposite somebody fit, hanging about on a train can be a MASSIVE fucking brain drain.

Over the last few weeks I've developed a secret train game that is fun, harmless and won't get you arrested for indecent assault anymore. All you need is at least one eye, a valid ticket for travel, an iPod Nano and a decent continuous mix to listen to. Look around your carriage in between stations whilst listening to Fabric 66 and pretend that you're actually in the stairwell of your favourite nightclub at about 3.45am. Everyone has the same, deadly serious middle-distance stare, some are gurning, couples chat enthusiastically and others have their eyes closed, tunneling their own sweet path to Paradise.

Since inventing this game I've not seen ANYONE on the Central line or Jubilee line that doesn't look fucking spannered. The only people who ruin it are the commuters who read and play computer games.


<0> I keep seeing people walking around wearing t-shirts with the words, NERD and GEEK written on them. Are they asking to have their fucking lights put out or what? Where I went to school we'd round up the nerds and geeks at lunchtime, take their dinner money and make them throw their own shoes at each other.

I'm not being funny but you don't want to be advertising yourself in that way. Wear t-shirts that say, COCK OF THE ESTATE or MASSIVE DAD and watch the dickheads like me avoid you.

<0> A loyal WRDMist on Facebook called Sam asked me yesterday to do a piece on the Boutiquefication of dance music and how you go to a club these days and its just middle class white hipsters taking pictures of each other with the latest iPhone. He wanted to know where the fucking roughness was at? Sam said that you would never have guessed house music originated with black working class queers getting wasted in Chicago sleaze pits.

Whilst I find it hard to argue with Sam on this based on personal anecdotal evidence in London, I would ask him to take a trip to House of God in Birmingham and watch with horror at the fat, middle-aged, working class men and women licking whizz off of one another's palms and sniffing vats of poppers all night whilst Surgeon pummels the fuck out of them.

<0> Simon Elvins is a dear, dear friend of mine and was kind enough to sort me out with an all above board copy of Ableton 9 Live Suite that he said fell off the back of a lorry. Now that I'm back up and running with Ableton I can get back to work on my minimal hard house tracks and the very first edition of WRDMFM - the podcast series I'm writing, producing and starring in with Draper and Micky John.


Do stay tuned.


I'll be back soon, probably this week, with more dance music news and reviews. Keep your lids peeled and carry on throwing me around the internet like stale bread in a duck pond.

Like me: facebook
Follow me: @tonkawrdm
Email me: tonkawrdm@gmail.com