Marv N' J Review

Please refer to marv-n-j-detroit-hair-wars for what this review refers to.


Marv N' J were fucking brilliant. I triple-dropped at least three and Magda looked delightful.
I will never EVER scrub the wrist-sized X that the door lady Biro'd on me.


Marv N' J at Loft Studios
9/10

This post goes out to everyone at Glastonbury. You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find...you get what you need.

What you NEED are additional DANCEALIKES!


Charlie Watts might program the drum machine for the Rolling Stones but sit him in front of a paint brush and ask him to stick dots all over a MASSIVE cartoon, he'll fucking shit himself. Roy Lichtenstein wouldn't though! LOL



Don't shout "STEPHEN!" at Groove Armada, shout it at Adam and Joe! LOL



I pray to GOD that Giles Smith doesn't pick up David Gray up instead of James Priestly on the way to Secretsundaze on Sunday 30 January 2013 (tickets still available here, more on the door: secretsundaze)! LOL



The only shell Pharrell Williams carries is the shell inside his AK-47 when rolling past the five 0 and dropping it like it's hot with Snoop Doggy Dogg in South Central LA, Los Angeles, California. He doesn't carry one on his back like a turtle does! LOL



Sven Vath would be a very Angry Boy if someone were to tell him he looked exactly like Australian comedian, Chris Lilley! LOL



I pray to our Lord Jesus Christ the son of GOD that James Priestly doesn't turn up with a Hercule Poirot cake instead of Giles Smith at Sundissential, I mean Secretsundaze, on Sunday 30 June 2013 (tickets still available here, more on the door: sundissential, I mean secretsundaze)! LOL


What a brilliant weekend it's been so far! Glastonbury on the telly, a 9/10 for Marv N' J and BONUS dancealikes! The Weekly Review of Dance Music can not be beaten.

Jay-Z said it for me in You Don't Know, "Muthafucka. I. Will. Not. Lose. Ever."

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Hilarious Lookalikes!

TFI (Thank Fuck It's) Friday!


Today's the day for putting your feet up on the desk/forklift truck dashboard and laughing out loud over pictures on the internet. If you don't enjoy howling at lookalikes then you're fucking simple. So, get your sophisticated eyeballs all over the hilarious dance music lookalikes I've compiled.

WARNING: do not scroll down if you have weak ribs because they will snap in two.

Have you ever seen Seth Troxler and Ronaldo on the same football pitch?! LOL

Actress and the singer from Fine Young Cannibals have one thing in common: they look like each other! LOL

When Richie Hawtin was younger, the only club he would have been booked to DJ at would have been The Rovers Return function room...with Curly Watts! LOL


Imagine what would happen if DJ Luciano tried to play Latin flavoured minimal techno on Donnington's main heavy metal stage instead of James Hetfield playing guitar and singing! LOL

Lisa Lashes? Dirty Den? Dirty Lisa more like! LOL


Have you ever seen Michael Eavis greeting Mike Manumission, Prosumer and P-Thugg off the coach at Glastonbury? Nope, me neither! LOL


I thought Seth Troxler was a DJ, not the lead guitarist in Pixies called Joey Santiago! LOL


I can't imagine Lofty off of Eastenders playing techno in the E20 like what Surgeon does at House of God in Birmingham! LOL


Rt Hon David Willetts MP might be good at talking about politics, but he wouldn't know his way around the main stage at Bestival 2009...even if he had THREE brains. Florian Schneider out of Kraftwerk would! LOL


If you squint a bit, Nina Kraviz smoking a fag looks a bit like Carla Bruni smoking a fag! LOL


I can't imagine Lee Foss being rude to an interviewer and being shit at acting like Rhys Ifans. He's a really pleasant man and DJ - that's why! LOL

Prins Thomas beats up women...NOT! He looks a bit like Justin Lee Collins though. LOL

I'm bored now. If you have any more dance music lookalikes please get in touch by ANY of the following means:

Twitter: :rettiwT
Facebook: :koobecaF
Email: tonkawrdm@gmail.com

I'll be back soon with a review of Marv N' J at Loft Studios, MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Acid Mondays and MORE, MORE, MORE...how do you like it? How do you like it?

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Tonkalike





                       



Remix of the Week

This week's Remix of the Week is not even a remix (again). It's an original track by an American artist called SoundFX09. The song is called Ecstasy Expert and the genre is nu-Goa. Need I say more?




Yes.

It's about 140bpm, trancey and has the same kind of vocals Lisa Lashes put on her Tidy Trax classic, Looking Good, in 1999.

Listen:



Ecstasy Expert is a breath of fresh air floating above all the shit that mainstream music journalists shovel down your throat (Disclosure, Rudimental, Duke Drummond, Disclosure and DJ Calvin Harris). It's that brilliant a tune you don't even need to worry about the sound quality. It's the raw stuff like what that Kyle Hall does, know what I mean?

I don't know when Ecstasy Expert is out in the shops but it's probably on a white label or something so get down Phonica and get diggin'.

I'll be back in a few days with notes on Marv N' J, and details of my meeting with Draper. WRDMFM is fast approaching...

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WRDM TOO HOT FOR TV

That Dabbler Article

Kevin Smear reports for WRDM:

In 1993 March 2013, David Letterman The Dabbler made the controversial choice not to air publish a stand-up an article set by legendary late comic Bill Hicks blogger Tonka, bowing to pressure from network execs shadowy internet puppet masters who said it would be offensive to their target audience. Friday night In time, Letterman The Dabbler had Hicks’s will have Tonka's mother mother, Mary Liz, on as a guest the site apologized to apologise to her, and showed will publish the banned set article for the first time. In case you missed it you're dead by the time they do, here it is:


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What is a DVD? What is a box set? What is a DVD box set? What are the current top 3 DVD box sets available in the shops near YOU today? Find out by continuing to read these words until the end of the sentence before clocking down to the following paragraph of this article, which will introduce you to the answers.


I'm a massive film fan. I also like the little ones. I go to the pictures at least 4 times a year, and when winter comes around I dust off my Blockbuster card, sign up for Loveflix and Netfilm, and live entirely on popcorn and cola. Some of my friends even call me Freddy Film!



The first DVD box set I remember watching was the 3 x VHS Star Wars Trilogy when I was 19. Santa left it for me on Christmas morning. I'll never forget the unique packaging; three individual plastic video boxes, modestly devoured by a gold (coloured) cardboard box with Darth Vader's face on the front. Even though I’d already seen Star Wars 1, 2 and 3 on the telly I couldn't wait to watch the box set! I ran upstairs to my bedroom straight after breakfast and hungrily (I skipped breakfast) stripped the cellophane from the gold (coloured) cardboard image of Darth Vader. I paged my mother and asked her to bring some toast up for me. Within minutes I had lemon curd and crumbs dripping suggestively down my chin as the opening bars of George Lucas’s famous “Dur durr du du durrrr, durr durr durr...” song delivered itself into my ear holes. Barring toilet breaks, Christmas lunch, the Queen’s speech, Top of the Pops and my nan’s visit, I did not leave that bedroom until the bit at the end of the Star Wars 3 credits where The Emperor's head bursts out of the water to say “I’ll be back.”  I love DVD box sets.



Review 1


Polish Cinema Classics / Volume II
Release date: 25 March 2013


The Dabbler is not just a culture blog for the posh and old, it’s a culture blog for the pretentious too. With that in mind, let me pull Polish Cinema Classics Volume II out of my Marlborough satchel and, after I’ve made room on my shiro walnut coffee table by removing last quarter’s copy of Bedeutung, slap it down to impress you. This box set is not out in the shops until 25 March, but when I went to the Polish Embassy to enquire about my granddad I saw a moody courier drop a pallet-load of DVDs in reception. I signed for them, said “dzień dobry” and stuck one of the DVDs inside my pale green Adidas hold-all. I’d just nicked a DVD box set from the Rzeczpospolita that was to change my life...forever.


Polish Cinema Classics Volume II is the much anticipated follow up to Polish Cinema Classics Volume I and if, like me, you didn’t realise that Poland made films you’ll be pleasantly surprised by what’s on offer here. Zanussi. Wajda. Marczewski. Illumination. Promised Land. Escape From ‘Liberty’ Cinema. Names and flicks that are in no way familiar to you, me, Bafta and Oscar, but in Poland these guys rule the roost and their movies rule the (movie) industry!

I haven’t watched any of the films yet but according to Amazon, The Promised Land is an epic, Oscar-nominated tale of greed, human cruelty, exploitation and betrayal. That alone must be worth the £26.20 they’re going to charge you. So, my advice is to learn a bit of Polish, get some Żywiec inside you and start queuing up outside Amazon TONIGHT to avoid disappointment on the 25th.


Polish Cinema Classics / Volume II
7/10



Review 2


Call The Midwife / Series 2
Release date: 1 April 2013


The chunky and juicy star of Hyperdrive, Monday Monday and Miranda, Miranda Hart, returns for an uproarious second series of the funniest wartime-era BBC sitcom since My Dad’s In The Army. It’s World War II and things have moved on since the first series, Call The Midwife Series 1. Earl Kitchener’s suicide is all but a distant memory for Chummy (Hart) as she now sets her sights on Thorvald Stauning, the hunky new Danish PM, after his six week invitational to the British Isles is limited to a mystery mid-term stay in a jaunty hospital, taken over by a wacky midwifery squad, which only so happens to be smack bang in the middle of the Blitzy east end of London.

Hart leads, and excels amongst, a steady ensemble of character actors, none of whom I know the name of. So, get the old folk round, let them bore you about how war really was and settle down for almost 8 hours of warm-hearted slapstick and nonsense from Great Britain’s foremost lady entertainer. Roll on Series 3! And 4.


Call The Midwife / Series 2
8/10



Review 3


The Wagner Collection
Out now


I’ve recently been reading Human, All Too Human by Friedrich Nietzsche. I crack it open on the tube on the way back from work. I use the Jubilee line and get intimidated by the men in pinstripe suits who read the Financial Times so, in December last year, I bought Ulysses. People know not to mess if you’re sat there reading that. I got really bored after 100 pages though so I went to that book shop in London and asked the chap in there what’s good to read if I want to make people think I’m clever and look like I’m knowing what I’m doing in life, instead of looking like I’m thinking about dance music. The booky, bearded, bespectacled bloke bent down to reveal a beautiful bald patch. I felt myself swoon as he lifted his face, looked me in the eyes and smiled before adjusting his turn-ups. A warm, soft hand reached out...and he held it.

Without saying a word we were gliding, hearts-a-flutter through the Sport section...quickening our pace, inspired and spiritually powered forward by the immortal heroes of London 2012. Onwards. Together. Heroes of our own recent history. Coquettishly smirking as a flurry of political biographies whizzed past. Thatcher! Mandleson! Coe! Williams! Widdecombe! Ahern! Oh, Ahern...names forever etched in my heart as we approached the Philosophy section. Sweating, I clocked the bookman’s badge and nervously spluttered, “wh-what are we doing here, Paul?” Without warning, and with eye-contact not withstanding, he casually pointed towards the books beginning with N and coughed before telling me, “reading Nietzsche should make you look clever. Tills are one minute that way, past the Education and left before Travel.”

Paul strode confidently back towards Humour and I sighed a romantic sigh whilst fiddling with my wedding ring.

Nietzsche used to be friends with Wagner but he hates him now.


The Wagner Collection
9/10

Judging by those reviews, I would recommend buying The Wagner Collection on DVD.


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That was fucking shit. I'll be back with more banging dance news and reviews in a few days.

That was fucking shit. I'll be back with more banging dance news and reviews in a few days.

That was fucking shit. I'll be back with more banging dance news and reviews in a few days.











































This post was just content filler before next week's proper posts that I haven't finished yet. There'll probably be a review of tonight's party at Loft Studios and more details on the podcast series, WRDMFM. Please bear with me. WRDM will pick itself up again very soon and the quality you now expect will be restored and, hopefully, improved upon.

MARV N' J / DETROIT HAIR WARS

This Friday sees my favourite lady DJ and her male man mate play in WEST London. Magda and Heartthrob are used to playing under their real names, Magda and Heartthrob, but on Friday 21 June 2013 at 10pm they take to the Loft Studios booth in Kensal Rise as Marv N' J. Let me clear this up now: Marv N' J at Loft Studios will be a techno night not, as commonly mistaken, a Marvin Jay (@marvinjay) urban UK rap set stuffed with SKILLIT (@SKILLITMUSIC) songs and dark MCing.

No, this will be a celebration of Magda and Heartthrob's spacier explorations. Sonic snaps that make your body jack and psychadelic loops that, whilst sober or old, could be mistaken for absolute shit and/or just noise, is actually fucking brilliant in both its simplicity AND its ostentatious-ness  If you want rough-arsed sounding cuts and creepy ice pads I suggest you stay in and stick a Kyle Hall tape on. Marv N' J at Loft Studios is all about two pals making you have a party whilst they have a party with you behind the decks, in front of you.

The Background


A source close to the pair recently revealed that Marv N' J are actually the nicknames they have for one another, and that their Kensal Rise set will ALSO serve as an event to raise awareness of the Detroit Hair Wars. The Detroit Hair Wars have raged since 1991 and has been granted as much media coverage as the shit that's been kicking off between Juba and Khatoum.

Three years ago, Detroit passed Vietnam as America's longest war, overtaking their previous best time of nineteen years in Vietnam. Afghanistan, third in the table, is still an ongoing mission, but with Detroit sat pretty on a historic safety net of eleven years it's going to take a break out of peace exactly similar, but with its properties set to inverse, to that of Newcastle United's collapse in the 1995-96 Premier League season, complete with Kevin Keegan's infamous "I will love it if we beat them" rant and Manchester United snatching the title from under the Magpie's noses in dramatic fashion. At the end of the day, Clive, Afghanistan really does have a mountain to climb.




...of course, I'm joking. Detroit Hair Wars is an annual event that celebrates hairdressers in America who can make people's barnets look big and colourful. Magda and Heartthrob are MASSIVE fans, and I hear that Heartthrob is even going get some colour applied to his fringe especially for Friday! My dad's mate told my dad to tell me that he heard it on good authority that Magda is going for a full on lace front weave.

The Conclusion

DJ Heartthrob and DJ Magda
So, there you have it. If you don't go to Loft Studios on Friday night for Marv N' J with a top Tonkin' hairstyle you're either:

a) a bit special.

b) you don't like dancing to grown up techno and space noises with good looking people/hair at the only place in west London that does that kind of thing.


c) going to this.


On all the press it says that its rare for Magda and Heartthrob to play as Marv N' J. Fuck knows what that actually means because I saw 2 Many DJs once under their "rare" pseudonym, Speculoos Dance Squad. It was exactly like being at a club and listening to a 2 Many DJs set.

I'm in there somewhere

BUY TICKETS: Marv N' J
FACEBOOK STUFF: m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n

I'll be there on Friday. Sergio sculpted my usual short back and sides last week, so I can't do anything other than a smart side parting.

I'll be posting my Remix of the Week this week, that Dabbler article and an update on the podcast, WRDMFM. I don't know what USB microphone to buy. Bill Brewster suggested I get a half-decent one but I don't know if I should trust him...what do YOU think???

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tonkawrdm@gmail.com

Ps. Here are some of the people you will definitely see at Loft Studios this Friday.









MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Hifi Sean


Dalston. Poor Dalston. Forever in the shadow of Hoxton Square. Hackney pirates laughing behind its back on London Fields. Dalston. Destined to always look up at Brick Lane whilst hiding behind Whitechapel. Aldgate doesn’t even know who Dalston is anymore. Poor Dalston. Striding above Old Street but nervously looking over it’s shoulder at Northolt. If you were inclined to the cruel you would even predict that Digbeth, in Birmingham (!), will have more caché in 12 months time. No wonder the area is so restless!

Dalston needs a kick up the arse, so Tonka and Draper rode to the rescue on Saturday night. We wanted to prove that you can still have a MASSIVE night out in Dalston. We got all geek pied up and what followed was this:

8.30pm – met at a burger and beer bar on Kingsland High Street for a burger and beer. One burger, one beer.
9.15pm – went to Dalston Jazz Bar. One beer.
10pm – gate crashed Zoe Benbow’s lesbian birthday party at Servant Jazz Quarters. Draper and I got stuck into her nibbles, congratulated Zoe on her art and got everyone to sing happy birthday. Two carrot and coriander gin martinis.
10.45pm – told we need ID to get into a place called Alibi by a pan-faced, long haired fucker who had no reason AT ALL to go superior on Tonka.
10.46pm – Stopped laughing and went to the Dalston Superstore.


After complementing the tiny lesbian door lady on the speed of her sex thumbs despite her not having me on the guest-list and having to text up Dan Beaumont to confirm who I was despite me being one of the most famous dance bloggers in Great Britain, we arrogantly waltzed through the door. In the Dalston Superstore we listened to American gangster rap, drank Japanese beer and got talking to five Portuguese lesbians.

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM went the noise from downstairs. The music I heard was exactly 26 beats per minute faster than Big Poppa so we followed it. What I saw when I opened the door was bedlam. "Hifi Sean - I should have known!" I danced across to the DJ booth, rapped on the window and with a flick of the door handle, he let me in for an EXCLUSIVE interview.

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Q) For anyone unfamiliar with Hifi Sean, could you tell them who you are, what you do and why you do it?
A) I am a Glaswegian musician turned DJ who has made music all his life and released records since the age of 17, firstly in The Soup Dragons, then The High Fidelity and then as Hifi Sean. I've been living in London now for 7 years and travelling the globe playing my fave house records dead loud and making people dance for a living.

Q) Has getting to where you are now - comfortably settled in the music industry - been an uphill struggle or a walk in the fucking park, like, you know what I mean?
A) "Life is a roller-coaster and you gotta ride it" sang some Irish boy band twat, but do you know something? He is right. I have had more ups and downs and twists than Alton Towers on a bank holiday.

Not my words
Q) Open or closed hi-hat?
A) Cowbell.

Q) Whenever I've been in a club and I'm Free by The Soup Dragons comes on I find it impossible not to dance. When you hear it out do you dance...or do you roll your eyes, say "tsk" and creep off to the toilets?
A) I stand there like a proud dad. Not many people can say they have made a timeless pop record, its 23 years old now and still sounds as good as the day it was made.
I remember when the girl who was head of A+R came to the studio the day we finished it. We played it to her, she cried big tears and said she had just heard a part of pop history - I thought "yeah right", and do you know something, she was kinda right.

Also, it's amazing to think we made a record which is part of a few others that sum up the Summer of 1990 and everything amazing that happened to youth culture in Britain before the Government knew how to handle it. For about 2 years 89/90, it was the power of the underground . We took the line "Don't be afraid of your freedom" off some graffiti that someone sprayed on the studio wall in Wood Green that day where we recorded it. Little did we know that statement would become so powerfully suited for what was happening on the streets and clubs months to come.

Taken me many years to get there but, yes, I am very proud of that record and all it stands for.




Q) What is Severino really like?
A) One of the nicest men you will possibly ever meet.

Q) Growing up in Bellshill were there any local influences - club nights, DJs, promoters - that, beside from your time in The Soup Dragons, made you consider what you do now an option? Or has your solo/DJ stuff evolved as a passion over time?
A) I remember we used to all go up to the local disco in my youth and try to freak the locals out by bringing things like Jesus and Mary Chain - Upside Down 7", and bullying the DJ to play it and then dance about mad to it. It sounded great sandwiched in between Black Lace and Bananarama. Everyone in our town thought of us as delinquent drop outs.

Bellshill
Q) What's the best time you've ever had in a nightclub?
A) Likely when I lived in NYC early 90's hearing music that sounded like it was from another planet, something I still search for that high and keeps me going. As John Peel said to me once, "Always think that the next record you hear is going to be the best record you have ever heard in your life."

Q) Curate your fantasy club night. What's it called? What's the line-up (dead or alive)? Which venue? Is there a dress code?
A) You get in a submarine, it takes you to the bottom of a coral reef and there is a glass box with a suspended floor and Junior Vasquez is on the decks. Dress code is anything goes and it will be called something like The Sub Aqua Discotheque.




Q) What's so good about an Omnichord?
A) It is thee most beautiful sound. I have made a whole album back in 2000 with The High Fidelity called The Omnichord Album. It is sonic twisted nursery rhymes.

John Peel was also a big fan of the instrument and he wrote a song on the album about his wife called Pig Might Fly. I have been saying this for years but I am about to get around to making the follow up, 13 years later, not really in any hurry to be honest.

I thank Woolworths on Bellshill High Street back in the day for introducing me to it on their Omnichord display stand that they had then.

Q) Do you have any advice for any young readers of this blog who are interested in getting into dance music as a profession?
A) I will give you my lovely friend Martin's advice when, whilst he was DJing, someone asked him how to become a DJ: "learn to count to 4 and have good taste." Best advice I have ever heard.

Keith Chegwin, left, shortly before Freddy passed on
Q) If you had to: Noel Edmonds or Keith Chegwin?
A) Cheggers plays pop all the way...the man had good taste in acrylic sweaters.

Q) Stone cold sober or absolutely fucking terminated?
A) Depends what day to be honest.

Q) What are your plans for the rest of the year and is there anything you want my loyal following to buy?
A) Yes. My first official single as 'Hifi Sean', which should be out in a few months called Tear it up. It has Celeda on vocals and was recorded in Chicago where she lives. It's a proper soulful house record with a gospel tinged vocal melody to it.

I want to hear something like this on the radio, and this is why I have decided to make this my first single under my DJ moniker. It's dead good, even though I say so myself.

What a lovely young man - please join me on congratulating Sean on his success in the business so far and wish him all your luck in his future endeavours. After the interview, Hifi Sean continued his set but sought me and Draper out before leaving to offer us a ride home on his big chopper. We politely accepted and we remain firm friends to this day.


Follow Hifi Sean: @HifiSean
Like Hifi Sean: facebook
Use his website: hifisean.com

I'll be back soon with all you need to know about Marv N J, MASSIVE QUESTIONS with one of the blokes who used to run Miss Moneypenny's and the very first WRDMFM podcast. I'm meeting Draper next Thursday to discuss what voices we should use.

Email me: tonkawrdm@gmail.com
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WRDMERCHANDISE

Here at WRDM HQ my Senior Creative Team have been working hard to come up with innovative ways for me to make some money from this blog. Jonny said I should enable Google AdSense - I made hardly fuck all through that so I sacked him. Ali put forward a very compelling case for getting Google Affiliate Ads involved - I've made zero pence through that so I sacked him. Tamara suggested we plug businesses that have fuck all to do with dance music on WRDM through a media agency so that I could get free gifts and vouchers - that one has worked out alright.


Scrap that, it worked out better than alright. I'm not just saying this but Total Media have been an absolute joy to collaborate with. Total Media's SEO Account Assistant, Ana Jimenez, in particular has proved to me that not everyone who works professionally in the media are arseholes. Her professionalism, dedication to making sure I receive the right Asda vouchers and her everyday joie de vivre has been an inspiration. To me. Media Agency London.

Last week, Tamara left WRDM HQ to find another job somewhere else, somewhere else.

THESE are the mega money-making ideas I've been forced into presenting to MYSELF since the vouchers have dried up, and don't tell me I'm ripping off Viz with their fake adverts because I'm not. These items will be available to buy.

Circo Loco 2013 T-Shirt

Price and size negotiable on YOUR financial circumstances and body size.

Tell me that you won't pull when you're wearing this at DC10 and I'll call you a liar, or not very self-confident. Circo Loco don't make t-shirts, so I am. This is the classic white T, 100% cotton with a fabric weight of 5.0 oz and the world famous clown logo arrogantly looking out at the Italians you'll be dancing with on the White Isle this summer.

Simply stunning.

John Digweed Oyster Card Holder (London only)

Price negotiable on YOUR financial circumstances - holder only: Oyster Card not included.

London is the capital city of style in the UK. The British Flag is the official flag of the nation of the United Kingdom. If John Digweed was a soap star or singer, journalists who work at The Guardian would be brainwashing us all into calling him a national treasure. Thankfully, John Digweed is a DJ whose job it is is to play repetitive beats to youngsters on drugs. He may not look as cool as your Seth Troxlers and your Wolf + Lambs but he has the same hairstyle as Richie Hawtin and he's probably richer than all of them put together.

Travel the tube in style...because nothing says underground like a bulldog and GREAT Britain's foremost progressive DJ staring arrogantly back at you whilst the Union Jack waves proudly behind them.

WRDM Clubbing Gloves

Price and size negotiable on YOUR financial circumstances and  size.

Need I explain these? Yes. Throughout the years, clubbers have been stuck with only two handwear choices on the dance floor: white gloves or bare skin. I stopped wearing white gloves in nightclubs about six months after Michael Jackson died. I looked fucking tasteless.

Whilst researching clubwear in Camden, I took a stroll down memory lane and left into Cyberdog. I later deduced that the only items of clothing they haven't stuck green neon onto was gloves, so I've jumped in quick and patented these groovy bastards. Imagine how many birds you'll pull wearing these at Club Fabric! They're green rubber with green neon colouring, bearing the legend WRDM 2013 in a classic tattoo style. Tonka's Techno Gloves all feature the be-bearded face of Jesus, arrogantly looking out at MY flock.

They come in pairs, all sizes, and are even more satisfying than sinking your fingers into Nina Kraviz's knickers - trust me.

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If you're interested in any of the items above, please do get in touch and we can talk business. If t-shirts, card wallets and gloves don't take your fancy, I'll be rolling out much more merch as the months go on.

Keep your lids peeled, Tiddlers.

I'll be back SOON with the podcast (I promise), THAT Dabbler article, some Marv N J Detroit Hair Wars stuff and much, much more.

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