Field Day 2013

This one goes out to all the bastards.

Saturday I woke up. After rolling over to my left in a panic, I remembered that I'd been texted up the night before by the Parisian girlfriend of The Charlatans' old manager from the West Midlands, and I hadn't responded. I checked my Nokia 100 and there were four follow-up messages from her; all in broken British.

Sooooo? FD tomorrow. Coming still in day? [sic]

Why you no respond?! [sic]

If you no come I ask Alex Petridis. Don't make me ask him again you ok.?!.. [sic]

Ok. You choice and you lose again. Fuck you and fuck YOU again. Outs! [sic]

I silently mouthed the words merde off, rolled my eyes and turned over to my right, draping a leg over the naked hip of The Charlatans' old manager and smiled the filthiest smile you could ever imagine. What happened next is illegal in Gambia.

Thankfully, it was just a dream! I woke up just before we actually did anything dangerous and stared straight ahead to the Jordan and Emma B posters on my bedroom ceiling. I smiled the filthiest of smiles before reasserting the confidence in my raging heterosexuality by getting off with BOTH of them in my head.

By pure coincidence I was going to FD (Field Day) that day (Saturday), and I was going to see Tim Burgess...who I've just found out is the lead singer in The Charlatans! Life has a funny way of connecting the dots sometimes, doesn't it? Eh? DOESN'T IT?!

Here's a list of the worst and best things I saw at Field Day 2013

Tim Burgess was alright but when he came on stage, EVERYONE in the crowd started laughing. I felt sorry for him but he should know the golden rule about dying your hair. Hair dye is only for women, and for men under thirty. He's a pop star though and, despite the hair-style, I thought his songs were good and he has a lovely singing voice. I'd recommend seeing him if he starts touring again. However, please check out what The Charlatans sound like before you go to see him with them. I can only recommend him on the back of what I saw at Field Day, and that was a SOLO show. Please don't go and see The Charlatans thinking you'll be seeing what I saw on Saturday, because you won't - it should be MASSIVELY different. His solo stuff is probably not the same kind of stuff as his group stuff, ok? Otherwise, what the fuck is the point in going solo if your solo stuff sounds exactly the same as your group stuff? So, to clarify: go and watch Tim Burgess on the back of this review, not The Charlatans.

Tim Burgess at Field Day 2013

Animal Collective are a band I'd heard of, but never bothered to look on YouTube for. I think it's because they sound to me like they're going to sound exactly like what MGMT sounded like in 2009, and what Beach House sound like now, and what Laurence and the Machine and Wavves sound like, and what Local Natives sounds like, and what what's their name sounds like, fuck me, what's the name of them? Hold on...fuck. Them ones who played at Glastonbury wearing Bermuda shorts and stuff the other year. Agh! What the fuck is their name?! NME was banging on like they were the best band England have produced in decades. Who was it? I think they did a Bugged Out CD or something. Anyway, I always imagined Animal Collective would sound like that. Proper Pitchfork/Vice music. Stuff you pretend to like. Songs you post on your Facebook and Twitter without actually listening to first. Know what I mean?

So, I put my prejudices on the floor, dabbed four more fingers of Mandy and walked straight to the front of the mosh pit for Animal Collective's headline set at the Main 1 tent. I was so wrong to have never YouTube'd them before. Their singer roared like a lion at the front of the stage and, from then on, I was out of it. My brain started hitting the heights again. The lead singer's voice got more elaborate and beautiful as their set went on. To be honest, every one of their songs sounded fucking brilliant.

Animal Collective at Field Day 2013

Apparently, Solange turned up at Field Day in a bright pink Limousine and was carried straight to the side of the stage on a solid gold bean bag by four members of the original UK Chippendale's. Talk about being a diva! If she'd have demanded that to sing in my back garden I would have told her to fuck off. I also heard that she would only play her set if the organisers could arrange for EVERYONE at the festival to stop what they are doing, leave whatever tent they are in and run across to watch Solange by the time she opens her mouth. What a diva...where does she get that from, eh? Winking smiley face.

I couldn't see what she looked like because I was squashed up and trapped behind the tallest man in the world from the start of her set to the finish. Her band sounded fantastic, she has a wonderful singing voice and, with a sister who looks like Beyoncé, she must be really fit as well. So, given the chance, I'll stick my neck out and say I'd definitely get off with her. At least.

Solange at Field Day 2013

What a great occasion. The only thing that ruined it for me was the lack of a big screen for the football. If they'd have stuck something up like what the Dallas Cowboy's have got and switched ITV1 on, they'd have had a lot more people buy tickets for the festival. Imagine that, lads, watching the Champions League final in a field, on drugs, and with the sound of Waze and Odyssey floating about your head.

Field Day 2013 was fucking brilliant. And so was Mount Kimble.

I'll be back soon with loads more stuff like what you've just read. ALSO, I'm currently reseaching what the best microphones are for doing podcasts with. If YOU have any suggestions, contact me via the means laid out below 

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