WRDM Sell Out 2

Have you ever been to a library and looked around for a good book to read, but when you find the one you want (Naughty Bastards by Kate Kray) the sleeve has been defaced by someone with a MASSIVE interest in dance music and a MASSIVE green marker pen who has written Tall Paul Rokz but Mylo iz crap? If so, then you've been to the library in Northolt Leisure Centre...and that graffiti was by ME.



I saw Tall Paul at Sundissential in 1999 and he was brilliant. Mylo at Bugged Out in 2005 was embarrassing. He couldn't beat match. Tall Paul could.

The library in Northolt Leisure Centre has about 500 books in it. The British Library in St. Pancras has probably more than double that. So, if you're as into reading as I am get yourself down there tomorrow morning and borrow a nice new book for a bit.


If, also like me, you're into starting your own businesses you can even rope in The British Library to help you.

Follow this link here: Business Advice

To read stuff like this:

The British Library Business & IP Centre at St Pancras, London can help you start, run and grow your business.

I'll be back next week/soon/maybe tomorrow/this week with my all important Remix of the Week. I'll be following that up with WRDM21 and a podcast with Draper.

Stay in school and keep reading books.



With great delight,
Tonka





























































MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Egyptian Lover

Last weekend I drove topless down the Route 69 freeway in my big, black automobile and parked up sideways outside my favourite lesbian inn, The Alezby Inn. I checked in, watched a few mucky films in my room with a couple of dirties and shared my massive bottle of champagne with them as Ragdoll chopped up our gear. He left and I waited for the phone to ring whilst watching the COLD SHIT ACTION that was taking place between these two bi-sexual lesbians in front of me. Charlie chalk all round my snout and a debonair wave of my hand for them to continue rimming.

It (my phone) never did (ring).

BUT the door got knocked and I opened it. In strode the Egyptian Lover looking suave, with an enormous ghetto blaster on his shoulder. He whispered in my ear that he was looking for some "rumpy pumpy". After we got freaky with the bi-lesbians to a soundtrack of his own productions, we settled down for a Q&A.

So, what is a DJ if he can't scratch? We'll never know because I forgot to ask him. Here is a transcript of what I did (ask him).


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Q) For anyone unfamiliar with the Egyptian Lover, could you tell them who you are, what you do and why you do it?
A) I am a DJ who started in 1979 in Los Angeles. I joined a huge dance production team called Uncle Jamm's Army and gained instant success. My turntable skills were unmatched from all the other DJs and I soon became L.A.'s best DJ. I started playing for the radio station and my name grew even more. I then knew it was time to start making records. So Uncle Jamm's Army and I made Dial a Freak and Yes Yes Yes in 1984. Soon after that I recorded Egypt Egypt and that record blew up! It's still being played today all around the world and my best selling song on iTunes.

Q) Was establishing yourself in the music industry an uphill struggle or, because you're dead good at music, an Egyptian walk in the park (LOLROFLOFL)?
A) It was very easy because I had L.A.'s biggest radio station (1580 K-DAY) behind me and my music was really good. My songs were instant hits.




Q) Clap or snare?
A) What is a beat without a live clap? I use both.

Q) Is it true that a boozy night out on the pull, in Miami, with King Tut and Rudolph Valentino inspired your name?
A) King Tut and Rudolph Valentino did inspire my name. But not on a boozy night in Miami, I'm from Los Angeles. I created that name when I was just 15 years old. So no, not on a boozy night.


Q) Do you find it hard to separate the person you are, Greg Broussard, and the Egyptian Lover? Or are you comfortable leading a personal double-life?
A) I am both at the same time, but more Egyptian Lover on stage and in the studio when recording my songs.

Q) I tried sexohol once and my willy ballooned up. Do you still abuse sexohol and, as an extension to that, are you still addicted to freaks?
A) I AM a freak! The women are addicted to me.




Q) How do the Uncle Jamm's Army parties compare to the kind of parties you play at now?
A) There will never be another time like when I was with Uncle Jamm's Army. Today's parties are fun but just not the same. Every party has its own moments and are all in my memory.

Q) Planet E, the album King of Ecstasy and Get High, Get X'd, Get Drunk, Get Sex'd all lead me to think that ecstasy (the drug) played a part in your musical output/thinking before, during and after your Filthy album? Is that right or were you reacting artistically to an emerging scene?
A) I happened before the drug was called ecstasy. When I say I am the King of Ecstasy, I meant the emotion of heated passion not the drug. People just took it as I was talking about the drug. The only song about the drug is Get High, Get X'd, Get Drunk, Get Sex'd which I made for my Louisiana Club Scene Party People. I never used that drug or any drugs for that matter. Just tried marijuana in high school. I'm on a natural high with life being The Egyptian Lover.




Q) Have you ever been near a 909?
A) Once.

Q) Has your attitude to sex changed much with age?
A) I am a very sexual person and I think that I will always be.


Q) Slow and circular insertions or fast and hard, piston-like thrusts?
A) Romantically slow and soft and mind blowing. Foreplay is the key! Learn how to please your girl.

Q) If there was a gun to your head and you HAD to, which dead Egyptian bird would you choose to rattle: the mummified remains of Cleopatra or Nefertiti?
A) Cleopatra.




Q) What was your reaction when you started seeing Dre and Yella in videos toting A-Ks, showing absolutely NO respect for the five-o and looking like they wanted blood?
A) No reaction, I'm from L.A. It's like that!!! And that's the way it is!!!

Q) I've been telling people for years that you were bragging in rap music before anyone else; before Biggie, Jay-Z, Puff Daddy and Q-Tip. Would you agree or was there someone else before you who talked about mansions, maids, dough and wheels over beats that boom?
A) Me.


Q) Stone cold sober or absolutely fucking terminated?
A) Sober (I can handle my liquor when I drink).

Q) European DJs and producers have always been a big supporter of you and your music; I've been a fan ever since Andrew Weatherall did his Fabric CD in 2004. He kicked it off with two of your tracks and then swerved off the road and took the mix down Techno Town. Is there anyone over here you're listening to or getting exciting by these days?
A) Too many to list. I love all D.J.'s and every single one of them has their own style and I like that. Shout out to the D.J. "Keep doing your thing."




Q) Do you have any advice for any young readers of this who are eager to break into dance music?
A) Make the music you love and do it any way you can. Whether it be on a laptop, smartphone, pro studio, demo studio, home studio, home computer, whatever??? Just make music. The world wants to hear you!

Q) I read that you have SIX 808s. Could I buy one of them from you at a knock-down price and collect when you're in London on Saturday 4 May for a warehouse party in east London? (Buy tickets here: Egyptian Lover at an east London warehouse )
A) Uhhhh...no! But you can buy my songs from iTunes and my new album next year entitled 1984. Also, my 30 year anniversary album coming soon, 1984-2014! 2014 will be a big year for me as it will be my 30th anniversary. Get ready to dance ~ Egyptian Lover...

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What a lovely man. I'd like you all to join me in wishing the Egyptian Lover all the very best for the future and a hearty slap on the back for his sizeable achievements so far. Get yourself down east London on Saturday 4 May because he is the musical mammoth of electro and someone who is brilliant at entertaining the punters in clubs. If you can't understand his appeal or get down to the stuff he's been releasing over the years you're a fucking arsehole with a dick but not the balls to fuck, ya get me? I don't need to direct any of that to the ladies because ALL the women love the Egyptian Lover.

EGYPTIAN LOVER ON iTUNES: EL on iTunes
EGYPTIAN LOVER ON YOUTUBE: EL on YouTube

I'll be back next week with WRDM21 and soon enough you'll be hearing me and Draper on WRDMFM where he'll be helping me jump the shark completely. Who's with me?

Follow me on Twitter: @tonkawrdm
"Like" me on Facebook: facebook
Email me on email: tonkawrdm@gmail.com


EIN WRDM ÜBER DEUTSCHLAND

Deutschland Hallo und herzlich willkommen zu einem ganz besonderen Weekly Review of Dance Music. Ich freue mich auf ya den ganzen Weg von Großbritannien, England, und ich bringe die beste Tanzmusik Bewertungen und Nachrichten auf dieser Seite der Berliner Mauer direkt in Ihrem Hause. JETZT.


Mein Name ist Tonka und ich bin der berühmteste Tanzmusik Schriftsteller in England. Ich schrieb für Resident Advisor, auf ihren Foren, Teshno, minimal-Nachrichten, machen Fehler, Japanisch Weekly und The Guardian. Wenn Sie nicht von mir in Deutschland gehört haben, ist es, weil a) sie nicht Englisch sprechen, b) Sie nicht mögen Tanzmusik oder c) Du bist ein verdammter spacka. So oder so, verdammt du von mir gehört jetzt. Du weißt, was ich meine Jungs?

Nur wissen das: Ich liebe Tanz Musik und ich liebe es, darüber zu schreiben.




Nachdem Stan Boardman, der war nur ein Witz, alles bombardiert unsere Chips-Läden. Ich bin nicht einverstanden, obwohl er nur scherzte. Sie, dies lesen jetzt, hatte nichts damit zu tun. Sie waren noch nicht einmal geboren. Ich weiß, Sie waren es nicht. Diese Altersgruppe ist nicht eine Gruppe, die ich tue. Targeting diesen Blog Ich freue mich auf Sie, mit dem Ziel des Tanzes, reist die Musikfreunde aus Wolfsburg, Frankfurt, Bayern München, Borussia Mönchengladbach und das andere Ende von Berlin Berghain jeden Samstagabend für non-stop dancing, alle techno, dass insbesondere im Club zu bieten hat. Berghain hat nur die besten DJs in Deutschland spielen an ihren Verein, die Erweiterungen gebaut, weil er finanziell erfolgreich ein paar andere Zimmer unterbringen zu: Panorama Bar und Room 3 - eine vollständige Replikation Raum 3 im Club Fabric in London, England. Fuckenhellen, dis ist unt ein weaken bloggen post, evenunt upzen for me.



Panorama Bar ist jetzt so berühmt wie sein großer Bruder, Berghain Club wegen eines Mannes: Steffi und Prosumer. Steffi und Prosumer spielen sie jede Woche und werden gebeten, dort zu spielen, weil sie das wöchentliche Resident im Berghain Panorama Bar in jeder Woche sind. Prosumer, wie gesagt in früheren Posts Englisch, ist Mike Manumission kleinen Bruder aber, im Gegensatz zu Mike, er spielt gute Musik im Club zu sein Arschloch ein Zwerg im Vergleich zu bekommen, während seine Frau saugt seinen Kugeln als Brandon Blockieren b2b geht mit Alex gefüllt P in der Mitte von einem Duschgel Bühne in der Mitte von einem riesigen Pool in Ibiza. In anderen Worten, ist die Prosumer wöchentliche Resident DJ in der Panorama Bar und Mike Manumission der Promotor des beliebten nitespot Ibiza, Manumission. ABER bekomme, ihr Onkel den Kerl, der Bauernhof Glastonbury Musikfestival in England und es getan hat, jedes Jahr. Sie sind eine künstlerische Familie, oder was?


Wie auch immer, diese Scheiße ficken und lässt mit mir sagen Ihnen alles über mich und warum sollten Sie mir zu folgen. Obwohl ich nie in Deutschland gewesen, ich will darüber reden. Meine Lieblingsband ist D.A.F. Meine zweite Mannschaft (wer alle aktuellen shit shit robot Truhen Kraftwerk) und Deutschland, trotz des Elfmeterschießen! LOL. Also, wenn Sie wollen, um mehr über die englische Tanzmusik wie Stoff zu lernen, am Ende der Miss Moneypenny, XOYO und Sundissential mit mir auf dem Weekly Review von Dance Music und mit dem Programm: me, Tonka, und ich sage dir, alles darüber auf den ersten Dienstag der Woche, jede Woche, nur auf WRDM.


Ich bin echtes Geld. Nicht wie die Scheiße-Kopf hipster, behauptet der Teich von Dalston, sie sind Iggy, Lou und David zu High Street zu überqueren Berlin im Jahr 1978. Stick mit mir, Jungs, und ich bin wirklich mit Ihnen. Fa sho.

Demnächst ist ein Interview (MASSIVE FRAGEN) mit ägyptischen Liebhaber. Ich habe buchstäblich orgasmed in meinem y-Fronten, als er früher in meinem Posteingang kam. Check out my MASSIVE FRAGEN mit Acid Pauli, wenn Sie noch Zweifel sind meine deutschen Engagements: Solid-Fragen-zu-Acid Pauli

Folge mir: @tonkawrdm
Wie: facebook
Bitte senden Sie mir: tonkawrdm@gmail.com



WRDM20

This week's WRDM is a weekly review of a recent night out I had in London; last night's night out. This time yesterday I was all excited about going out for an all night dancing session in London's trendy east end of London, the famous "east end" that what EastEnders is based on, if you will.

Let me break it down for you one time 'cause (because) it went like 'dis (this).


Luke Skywater out of Star Wars One, II and 3 was always telling people to say "use the force", but when you're jogging down Brick Lane on a Friday night surrounded by arseholed tourists, bearded arseholes looking down their noses at you whilst STILL wearing over-sized glasses and red lumberjack shirts and half-arsed salesmen begging you to eat in their shop, all you can do is say "fuck off EVERYONE and leave me alone". So, that proves Luke Skywater was talking shit and he didn't know what he was talking about. Know what I mean?

Woah! Rewind that shit and start from the off.


My eyes stared down and across the city from my 7th floor Grange Tower Hill Hotel 5 star temporary 24 hour apartment whilst, at the same time, my ears listened to what Annie Mac had to say on the radio. The black Samsung flat-screen I demanded at reception cleverly had an inbuilt radio WITHIN the actual television making it possible to switch from The One Show to Radio 1 using the same remote control. With that thought, and with Annie Mac masturbating over Benga and Scream, I smiled a smile I usually smile in these occasions and smiled to myself before letting out a yawn.



I napped for 40 minutes, woke up to hear Heidi calling every single fucking track a "bomb", got showered, dressed and then met Draper outside Aldgate East. We were hungry and thirsty so we jogged towards the front of Brick Lane. After pretending we'd already eaten to about fourteen curry pimps we knocked on the door of Bangla Oven, walked in, sat down, ordered our food, ate it, paid up and left. After that we walked the length of Brick Lane and drank a pale ale in a pub that looked like a living room and downed a crocodile beer in a Swedish boozer that looked like the inside of a tiny Ikea, but with pictures of Bill Oddie on all the walls instead of whatever it is that Ikea have up.

Jeez, man! Get to the fucking point, dude!




"Tonka and Draper. We're on Angie's list"

"What's your name again?"

"Tonka and Draper. She emailed me this afternoon to confirm. Do you know Angie at Maouris?"

"Yeah, I'm a mate of her's but I don't have you down on Angie's list"

"She definitely emailed me today to confirm"

"Your name's not down. Can you pop in and see if Wil is around to come back here to say ok?"

"Yeah"

"Do you know who Wil is?"

"No"

"He's Angie's business partner. Look, here's a stamp, just go in and we'll sort it out later"

"Thanks"

We never did sort that embarrassing mess out but I did enjoy Graeme Park's 8 hour set at Basing House. When we walked through the door he was playing Carly Simon's Why. After buying ourselves a pint each, we hit the dance floor with our feet. Say No Go, The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash on the Wheels of Steel, Let's Groove and some acid tracks I'd never heard before were all highlights of a retrospective set that, with my pretensions tucked under a sofa with my coat, made me dance and dance and dance and dance until 2am in the morning.




I left Draper to it because he pulled an old bird in silver leggings who looked like a stretched Bez. She was there on her own, there was no fucker in there selling E and I was getting tired. There are only so many hits you can dance to sober. Typically, as I walked down Shoreditch High Street I was approched by a fella offering md and coke. I hit the floor with my fist, cursed my luck and continued my walk home to the hotel.


A Night With...Graeme Park at Basing House
9/10

I must also add that Harry Hill, I mean Graeme Park (ROFLOFL), wears a great pair of spectacles on his head and smiles a lot when he DJs. The smiling did not go un-noticed. DJ Tiga and Marcel Dettmann really need to take note! Winking smiley face.


I'll be back soon with a special German post, WRDM21 and MASSIVE QUESTIONS with someone in the (dance) music industry.

Follow me on Twitter: @tonkawrdm
Like me on Facebook: facebook
Email me on email: tonkawrdm@gmail.com

FAC 69 / A Night With...Graeme Park

This article is the official preview to A Night With...Graeme Park at Basing House on Friday 12 April 2013
You should buy tickets for the event here: T I C K E T S


I was born in 1980, two years before The Hacienda burst out of Tony Wilson’s tummy and seventeen years before it fell over and died of guns outside Bez’s cave in Madchester. If you've never been then I wholeheartedly recommend a visit. It's a bunch of fucking flats now but there's nothing to say you can't hang around the staircases necking Vera's and pick-pocketing students.

Back when Fac 51 was a proper nightclub it was a byword for antics and the epicenter of the only cultural revolution of our generation's generation: The Madchester Acid House Summer of Love '89 & '88 - The Acid House Ecstasy Years. Growing up just a 77 miles stone's throw from Manchester, I was fortunate to be surrounded by the whispered tales of excess. House music was a rumour. Ecstasy was the pop suicide of a youth hell-bent on life. I saw the shadows of characters chase their own, suspect echoes; New Order, Tony Wilson, The Smiths, Happy Mondays, Paul Morley, that lanky poet who calls himself a punk, Simply Red, M People and 808 State were all heard screaming shit into the wind whilst my gang of pre-teen dreamers could only wish away the time it would take before we could chase the North Star to Whitworth Street West.




I turned 18 at the arse end of 1998. On the afternoon of my birthday I hitch-hiked to Madchester, on my own, with nothing but drug money and a birth certificate. Mine. I wore baggy hair, a t-shirt with dollars on it and a pair of jeans you could see from Jupiter! I looked fucking boss, la.

Swaggering down towards The Hacienda I remembered that it had been shut for a year so I went home. Staggering by an all night charity shop in Congleton, I ducked in to look at the CDs and was STUNNED to see top Page 3 babe Melinda Messenger staring back at me from the cover of a Miss Moneypenny's album sleeve. Too Glamorous was the low-key follow up to Glamorous One and featured turns by Jim "Shaft" Ryan and Graeme Park. Although the stand out track is It's Over (Distorted) (It's Over Mix) by Pianoheadz on the "Shaft" CD, the most cohesive-est mix is by Graeme Park.

"Why, Tonka?"


Buy it NOW and you'll know why: Miss-Moneypennys-Too-Glamorous

Graeme Park plays an 8 hour set in London next week. Go to Basing House in Shoreditch at 10pm on Friday 12 April 2013 and watch him do one of those crucial A Night With... parties. Warm up, peak time and the weird stuff all from one man.

Buy tickets here: TICKETS
Go on Graeme's website here: Aciiiiiiiiiiiiid
Look! Basing House! Here: It's in Shoreditch!
Look at the Hacienda here: fac51


I'm going and I'd really like to see YOU there too. Contact me for FREE handshakes and, if you're a girl, air kisses.

See you all next week for more dance music news and reviews. In the mean time, spread me all over the internet like jam on sandwich.

Follow me: @tonkawrdm
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Email me: tonkawrdm@gmail.com