WRDM19

Hi gang,

This week's WRDM (Weekly Review of Dance Music) post is, as usual, full of reviews.

You may think that the Weekly Review of Dance Music is all about me reviewing dance music songs every week but it's really not the case. Despite what I decided to name this blog, I'm also all about loads of other kinds of music. Check this out. Here's an A-Z sample of my iPod iTunes v11.02.26 collection to prove my point:

Acid Pauli
Behling & Simpson
Catz 'N Dogz
DJ Mehdi (R.I.P.)
Egyptian Lover
Finley Quaye
George Morel
Happy Mondays
Ice Cube
John Shuttleworth
KLF
Ladytron
MFSB
Netwerk
Ol' Dirty Bastard
P.M. Dawn
Q-Tip
Ricardo Villalobos (OBVIOUSLY! LOL)
Superpitcher
Technotronic
Underground Solution
Various Artists
Wale
X-Factor Finalists
Yello
ZZT

Note. If you read the above out loud to the vinyl dub of Daft Punk's 'Teachers' it sounds just like a different version of an old Soulwax Nite Versions track called, coincidentally, 'Teachers.'



As you can see though, it's not ALL dance and gangster rap. In amongst it you'll see an artist called John Shuttleworth. I've been a fan of his for a long time. If you've not heard of him, he's a middle-aged singer/songwriter who plays a tinny Yamaha keyboard and sings songs that could have been written by your granddad. He's exactly what Telex would sound like if they were fronted by Richard Hawley.




When I heard that he was playing a February concert in London I didn't hesitate to decide to go. I congratulated myself, circled the date of the gig on my Resident Advisor Topless Writers 2013 calendar and went to the shops for a six pack of 1664. That night I sat on my own and listened to The Yamaha Years twice before falling asleep. In my excitement I forgot to order a fucking ticket and didn't realise until I was half way into town for the gig! Knowing it would be a sell-out I chose to turn up anyway and pray to Our Lord Heavenly Father and Jesus that I would be lucky enough find a tout outside the theatre.

As I walked up that alley to the Leicester Square Theatre I spotted a fat one and sidled up...


"Seventy five quid, mate"



"Seventy five quid?"



"Yes, mate. Seventy five quid"



"For John Shuttleworth?"



"Yes"



"Fucking hell. Really?"



"Yes, mate"



"Seventy five?"



"Yes"



"Have you got change for an eighty?"


He sucked me right in and I paid up the full £75.00. I was extremely angry for having paid so much to see someone who doesn't even have a warm up act but glad for the experience I was about to experience.



I took my seat and sat through hit after hit. You name it, he played it: 'Modern Man', 'Y Reg', 'Pigeons In Flight', 'I Can't Go Back To Savoury Now' and 'Smells Like White Spirit'. All this was interspersed by charming, but fairly dull, anecdotes which the rest of the audience seemed to find hilarious. He was talking about buying toasters off of eBay and how his missus won't let him play his keyboard in the living room. Every time he opened his mouth to talk I could hardly fucking hear him for chuckles. The only people not laughing were John Shuttleworth and me. I felt sorry for the poor fucker, to be honest with you. Why pay all that money to see a musician and try to put him off when he tries to interact with the fans?

Compare that to when I saw Surgeon at a club in Liverpool one Christmas. Here's a serious DJ who's reputation is based on playing serious tunes whilst being very serious on the decks. He even LOOKS serious with them glasses. I travelled all the way to Liverpool on Boxing Day a few years ago to get the taste of turkey out of my system by licking half a gram of MDMA out of a plastic bag. Surgeon played an extremely serious set that night and at the end we (the revellers) were demanding that he play one more record before we had to get the ferry back across the Mersey (LOL - KIDDING, GUYS!!! ;-) ).



I'm seriously not kidding about demanding one more track though - I'm serious about that. We all shouted in unison, "One more track! One more track!" and Surgeon seriously obliged. I couldn't believe it, he started playing 'The Bells' by Geoff Mills. My favourite!

I started stomping again and shoved some poppers up some Scouse bird's nose before something happened that put me off Surgeon forever. Instead of the serious monotone melody that usually accompanies 'The Bells', the happy and joyous Jingle Bells melody began to play over the top of it. I, like many others, dropped my bottle and stormed out into the streets of Liverpool cold, unamused and hubcap-less (LOL - GUYS, I'M KIDDING!!! ;-) ).




I was cold and unamused though.

If you're a serious DJ don't try being funny. If you go to see a serious musician don't try and put him off by laughing at him every time he tries to connect with you.

John Shuttleworth at the Leicester Square Theatre / February 2013
9/10

Surgeon at Aztec club in Liverpool / Boxing Day 2006
Main set: 8/10
One More: 1/10

I'll be back next Tuesday with more sensational reviews, undercover exposés and all the DJ gossip from around the UK and Éire.

Who's with me?

Follow me around: @tonkawrdm

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Send me a letter: tonkawrdm@gmail.com













Teshno Talk

I forgot to post about this last week. I wrote an article for an internet broadsheet called Teshno. Teshno is a website that calls itself Teshno because, apparently, Seth Troxler reckons that the Germans can't say 'techno' properly. Excuse me, Troxy. I'm not being funny but I've got a mate who lived in Bremen until he was 18 and he talks properly alright. I haven't asked him to say 'techno' but I know for a FACT that if I did ask him he would be able to say it EASILY. He prefers trance though so I don't think he'd be up for attempting the word 'techno'. Either way, he COULD say 'techno' if he wanted so stick that up your fucking moustache, Seth, and swallow it.

Have a read of what I had to say by following this link here, now: teshno.com/tonka


I've written on a very controversial topic: DJ beef. Not DJ Beef (the long time resident at Hot Cock in Brighton), DJ beef (DJs picking on one another). I realise it's about a year too late but it's taken me that long to calm down after reading what Sneak said about DJs who become popular. He needs to fucking chill out and let people live their lives. I don't like Swedish House Mafia either but fair play to them for making their cash money stacks high by selling shit to wankers. I'd do exactly the same. Money is fucking brilliant. Juicy style.

I'll be back soon with reviews of House of God, John Shuttleworth and the new Fabric CD by Peter Inspirescu from Romania.

No. Ignore me, there's already at least two reviews of that Fabric CD on the WWW so I won't bother. I'll write a review about a different CD instead. Probably the new one by Umek or something. I don't know yet. Anyway, this new Fabric CD sounds wicked:

Fabric 68 / Peter Inspirescu

A lovely and very well written piece on this blog about dancing in Paris and London, A Tale of Two Cities:

and

A very well written and lovely piece on this website about dance music and forum trolls, Resident Advisor:

BUY IT HERE AND MAKE SURE FABRIC AND PETER CAN AFFORD SOME MORE MONEY GREEN LEATHER SOFAS: chemical-records.co.uk/FABRIC68

It's all good, baby baby...


WRDM18

"Bound to the bound bound, to the reload. Bound to the bound bound, to the reload. Bound to the bound bound, to the reload. Master DJ givin' it reload." Oxide's words often pop into my head when I think about how BRILLIANT dance music is, and when I think about how TERRIFIC dance music is I remember that I write a blog all about it (dance music) EVERY fucking week! How lovely is that? Very.



Last Tuesday’s negative review of Miguel Campbell, and the subsequent hostile reception I received at the Miguel Campbell Official Fan Club New Year's Eve party in Peterborough, was a turning point for WRDM. I’ve done a lot of soul searching and decided that a WRDM based on negativity runs completely against the grain of my fundamental mission statement; Positivity Breeds Positivity. Those wise words were spoken only once by my wise friend, Draper, and, like when Jesus said “Let the Red Sea part beneath me” at the Gates of Gallipoli, were never spoken again. WRDM is therefore getting an ethical and moral reboot courtesy of me, Tonka, and will be blown along by the love and support I've had from my many Twitter followers.

Also, I've just come back from a drying out clinic in Tucson, Arizona. It turns out I was addicted to whizz and speed last year.


I now have 219 followers on Twitter – a whopping 39% increase on the 232 I had before Christmas. Big shout outs to WormMosesthat bird from BristolSeb who works at MixmagKristan and the insane Prince fan. Proof if proof be needed that THIS blog is THE most popular DANCE music BLOG in the whole of Blog Town. So, let's get back to basics and review the fuck out of a few new things that have either only just come out in the shops or are about to be released in the next few weeks...

REVIEW ONE

Fabric 67: DJ Zip

People who know me know that I love nothing more than getting up early on a Saturday, catching the central line tube to central London and wandering the streets of Soho. Every little record shop and all of the shady basements full of (dance) musical curiosities get my full attention. All day. On a Saturday. Every week. I'm talking about Phonica, Sister Ray, Sounds of the Universe, Reckless, Mad Flava, Lyquid Oxigen, CORPS, Revival and Mister CD. I'm an unashamed and avid crate digger. I was rooting around last week for some new stuff to review on here when I came across a place called HMV. It's just off Poland Street and was ramma jamma full of all sorts; CDs, DVDs, books, calendars, Blu-ray films, magazines, mugs, t-shirts, computer games, Nintendo computers, key rings, iPod Nanos, posters, HMV vouchers, iPads, Dr Dre ear phones, normal ear phones, speakers for your iPhones, DVD boxsets and comedy DVDs. It's like an Aladdin's cave full of all the stuff you can get on the internet, but in real life. It's fucking mental.



As I fell deeper and deeper into the enormous ‘Dance Compilations’ section, something struck my eye. It was a CD, yet it wasn't a CD. It was a metal box, yet it wasn't a metal box because it had some white cardboard covering most of it. Printed in a small, discreet font I recognised the word 'Fabric.' My favourite fucking club in London and they've done a CD! A CD that seemed to indicate you open with a fucking zip! I thought to myself, "a CD with a fucking zip on it...it's 2013, man". I looked around to see if anyone else had spotted me clocking it and sheepishly pulled at the cellophane, silently tearing at the barcode. After slipping it inside the right hand pocket of my navy blue duffle coat from Uni Qlo I walked casually towards the Rock and Pop section, had a look at the back of a Guns N Roses CD and nonchalantly walked towards the exit, whistling. I even nodded at the security guard on the way out. Cool as fuck.




Fabric 67 by DJ Zip is fucking brilliant. Listening to it is just like being upper-cutted from the top of the Eifel Tower by your little sister and landing in what you initially thought was going to be the spike pit from Mortal Kombat, but in actual fact turns out to be Her Majesty the Queen’s big double bed in Buckingham Palace before waking up from that dream and realising you’re in the middle of the dance-floor at Club Fabric listening to a 1 hour and 12 minute set by DJ Zip at four o’clock in the morning.

Fabric 67: DJ Zip – 8/10
BUY IT NOW: Fabric 67 / Zip

REVIEW TWO

Kraftwerk at Tate Modern

People who know me know that I’m a massive fan of Kraftwerk. I’ve listened to Trans Europe Express and The Mix quite a few times and I once took She’s A Model on vinyl to Bring and Share at The Enterprise. I even thought their cover of that Coldplay song was good! *winking smiley face*

*taps nose whilst continuing to wink and smile*

Draper hates Kraftwerk but he’s a big fan of Tony Oursler so we wanted to head south across the Millennium Bridge together. Imagine our horror when we saw it was going to cost us £60 each to get in, even though Drapes didn't want to see Kraftwerk! Outraged, and with our rage outed, we walked back across the bridge and went for a few beers at the Punch and Judy in Covent Garden.




When I got home I angrily inserted Ein Produkt der Deutsch-Amerikanischen Freundschaft (proper German music) into my tape deck, pressed Play and started writing this review of Kraftwerk’s triumphant return to the stage at London’s Tate Modern. They did She’s A Model, Trans Europe Express, that song about the robots and a few I’d never heard before. They even sang a song about calculators! Ultimately, it was a fabulous night of nostalgic, yet contemporary live music that was recorded weeks earlier in a studio and played back to their rich, predictable supporters LIVE from their futuristic remote controlled CD players on their special 3D stage.

Kraftwerk at Tate Modern: 9/10
GO BACK IN TIME AND BUY TICKETS FOR IT NOW: Kraftwerk at Tate Modern

REVIEW THREE

Bill Brewster’s DJ History podcasts

Bill Brewster is not only a DJ. He is not only an author. He is not only an alumna of MASSIVE QUESTIONS. Bill Brewster is all of those things and more. After Thomas Turgoose, Norman Lamont, Hugh Trevor-Roper, Dean Reynolds, Ella Henderson, Lloyd Griffith and Malcolm Hebden, Bill Brewster is right up there as the most famous Grimsby Town fan…in the world. Bill Brewster also records regular podcasts before downloading and attaching them to the internet and iTunes.




^ LISTEN TO THIS ^

Podcasts are a brand new way of broadcasting the sounds of people talking, music sound waves and pretty much anything else you can use your ear/ears for. I’ve recently been listening to as many podcasts as I can in preparation for when WRDM gets into it. I’m going to call my podcast series WRDMFM and it’s probably going to be fucking brilliant. So far, I’ve listened to all of the Resident Advisor podcasts, most of the Soul Clap episodes, every Guardian Football Weekly from 2011 to present day and I’ve just crammed my head full of Bill Brewster’s DJ History pods. I was going to say that the Resident Advisor podcasts were the best but I think they let themselves down by having Todd Burns burp the letters "R…A" at the end of every mix. I like a bit of laddish humour but that’s just fucking revolting. Who’s with me?

Bill Brewster’s podcasts are entertaining, lively, full of interesting facts about music and every so often he plays some cracking tunes. The other day I heard an Ian Dury track I’d never fucking heard before and a track by Drumatrixx I hadn’t heard in time. There was also a good Dan Bodan song which made me Google Dan Bodan. The podcasts are unpretentious and ramma jamma full of serious musical knowledge. If you don’t subscribe to them you’re a fucking bozo who doesn’t know what day of the week it is.

Bill Brewster’s DJ History podcasts: 10/10
SUBSCRIBE HERE NOW: DJ History Podcast


Blimey! I’ve never seen a 10/10 before on WRDM before! Congratulations to Bill Brewster for winning this week’s BATTLE OF THE WRDM REVIEWS. I’ll be back next Tuesday with more hardcore dance news. The production contract for the WRDMFM podcasts has gone out for tender. I’m expecting some quotes in at the end of this financial year end so I’ll have a better idea of how it’s all going to pan out then. In the mean time, log on to iTunes and Google search for the word ‘podcasts’. There really are loads out there for you to listen to.

I’m still on Twitter: @tonkawrdm

I’m still on Facebook: TONKABOOK

I still have an email account: tonkawrdm@gmail.com