Catz ‘N Dogz are from Poland, which could explain their slightly embarrassing mis-spelling of the words ‘cats’, ‘and’ and ‘dogs’. That being that and that being besides the point, however, I can exclusively reveal that I may or may not be RELATED to Catz ‘N Dogz.

Granddad Tonka (real name Walter) spent his adolescence touring the world with the Polish Corp during ‘World War 2 – Revenge of the Germans.’ He left his sisters and travelled from his home on the border of Poland and Ukraine, bravely trekking his way through the middle east and eastern Asia before returning to mainland Europe. His was a life of adventure and danger, no two days were the same and he was forever looking over his shoulder in case the Tommy was bearing down on him in a Panzer. Legend has it that he was even captured personally by a camouflaged Adolf Hitler in Berlin whilst approaching the main border to Italy and tortured by the man himself in the basement of his enormous Kreuzberg torture house…the name of which chills me to the bone; Das Und Watergate Stratterhausen Das Berghain Unt Spikenhausen. Thousands of sick torture tourist fucks from Shoreditch now descend on this place every weekend and DANCE over the ghosts of my granddad.

After Granddad Walter outwitted, overpowered and escaped from Hitler he hitchhiked to Italy and ended up on the Adriatic coast, eating grapes all day and spending loads of private sex time with the Bari Beach Babes (as he probably called them). After shagging all the sexiest women in town and drinking the wine barrels dry he left Bari and travelled to Tipton, England, Great Britain. He met my Nanny Kath, years before she became my Nan, and got talked into marriage and kids. What followed was decades of nagging and stress until his death of old age and pneumonia in 1995. Can you imagine leaving Bari for Tipton? He must have been fucking insane. Still, if he hadn’t have made that mistake there would not be no Weekly Review of Dance Music and you would NOT be about to read the best review of Catz ‘N Dogz Body Language Volume 12 you’ve ever fucking read in your life.

Check out this highly probable scenario: My granddad’s sisters could have met, fallen in love with, married and had kids with the granddad’s of Grzegorz Demiañczuk and Wojciech Tarañczuk. What does that make me, eh?

Catz ‘N Dogz Body Language Volume 12 is, I imagine, a loopy musical homage to a lost history and a family re-imagined. A 4/4 tribute to distant relations and clans torn apart by war and tanks. War and Peace? Not in my lifetime, mate, not in my lifetime. Body Language Volume 12 is a slow burning banger from start to finish and it’s exactly what my granddad would have wanted if he were into long and druggy segueways from deep house into periods of short, snappy, staccato sentences of mechanical techno on Compact Disc or mp3.

It all kicks off with Ambrosia by Desolate and before you know it Soul Clap get in on the act with their version of the All Saints classic, Ecstasy. It really is a marvellous start to the mix. In the middle you have tracks in there by artists as diverse as Justin Martin, Helen Alien, Braiden, Squarehead and Eats Everything – all outstanding artists in their own right. The mix ends with Tin Man and his pop dance tribal track, Constant Confusion, which had me roaring with laughter – you’ll find out why after buying the album and listening to it all the way through.

I fucking hate it when you hear reviewers say such and such from so and so took me on a musical journey but I have to say, Grzegorz Demiañczuk and Wojciech Tarañczuk from Catz ‘N Dogz take you on real musical journey with this mix. I’d go as far as to say listening to Body Language Volume 12 is the equivalent of paragliding in fast forward from Lands End to John O’Groats on Bonfire Night.

Catz ‘N Dogz Body Language Volume 129/10

I’ll be back very soon with a review of the new Miguel Campbell album. I’m definitely not related to him so he won’t get anything like the brown-nosed, nepotism bollocks I’ve spunked all over my Polish cousins.

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