WRDMDMA - Drugs Special / Ecstasy

Drugs. What are they? Where are they? What do they do? How much do they cost? Which ones are the best? Find out in this week’s edition of the weekly blog that is the world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music here, right now, as you read this today. NOW. Today.


Dance music is NOTHING without drugs, that we can all agree on – have you ever tried listening to house music sober? Lol out loud! What NONE of us can agree on, however, is which drug is the best. I’m here to guide you through the fantastical, whimsical world of drugs and drug taking. Along the way, I'll be interspersing my report with anecdotal evidence from those with experience to blow away the misconceptions that many wives, mothers, grandparents and forgetful Members of Parliament have about the "dangers" of drugs.




Dr Professor Nutt declined my invitation to take part in this report on the basis that I hadn't invited him to take part.

So, get yourself comfortable, crush an ecstasy E tablet under your library card and get sniffing some painful/pain-killing powder. Or just swallow it down with a cup of tea and read on...

...recreational drug use is fine. Here are the official WRDM reviews of every drug out there you can recreate to.

e



Brian Harvey was absolutely right when he quite rightly said, "I think people genuinely like feeling like that. That's why they go out and that's why they do it. They don't do it just to say 'We don't care if it's illegal, we're going to go out and do it all the more'."

"If it brings out the better in someone - and really, in the long run, it's a safe pill and it ain't doing you no harm - I don't see the problem. I've done pills myself, I've done 12 in one night, you know what I mean - loads of them. I've been off it on them. The thing is, if you bang one, you go out, you have a good night and that's what people want to do."

I've never done 12 in one night but I once did 7.

e stands for ecstasy, and I'm betting that Justin Lee Collins has NEVER taken e. If Justin Lee Collins had EVER taken e I can guarantee that Justin Lee Collins would NEVER allegedly demand that his girlfriend, "look at the fucking ground, you look at a tree, you look at a bench, you look at any fucking inanimate object, you do not look at any other fucking human being" because when you're on e all you want to do is hug every fucker around. I spend more time on e high-fiving men and hugging my friends than dancing or violently threatening women.


e can be taken in pill form or in powder (MDMA). Personally, I've no preference - they both do the same thing and if you've had a few beers beforehand you don't even notice the taste. Swallow or snort and after about half an hour you'll be saying to your friend, "I don't know if it's working to be honest. How are you feeling? Can you feel it? I don't know if I can feel it, can you? What does it feel like? Who's this DJ? This music is fucking amazing. I know it's just a kick drum and clap but it's really fucking speaking to me. I love you. Can you feel it? How are you feeling? This is fucking good. Seriously fucking good. Come here, mate." Your legs will loosen up, your arms will loosen up, the conversations you have will be positive and full of hope. You will dance with enthusiasm to whatever music is being played. You will wholeheartedly enjoy yourself and be at one with the environment around you. You will approach people you don't know with zero hidden agenda and absolutely no sleaze. You will be in ecstasy.

Contrast that to booze. When I'm all boozed up I can't string a fucking sentence together. I can't walk in a straight line. I'm a danger to myself and others; I've crossed roads without looking and fallen asleep on every form of public transport available. I'm prone to arguments with friends and loved ones. My breath stinks and I feel like absolute shit the following day. I've never been in a fight but I've seen hundreds of glassings in pubs.

Look at these fucking bell ends and tell me getting pissed is better than getting high...




In Top Trumps, e shits all over booze. Even the side-effects are good. I've never had a bad time on e but I did have one friend who went a bit deluded on it; he kept seeing Erin O'Connor in every club we went to. Imagine that, "seeing" an international supermodel in places like The Key at Kings Cross or The End off Tottenham Court Road. What a drug!


Don't just take my word for it. Here's a loyal Twitter chum of mine, Trixie Von Kattle (real name changed), with an uplifting true story:

"It once took me 45 minutes to remove the tobacco from a cigarette to roll a joint while I was on E. I couldn't find the seam of the cigarette no matter how many times I felt it rolled it around in front of my eyes etc. It was the most trying experience of my life."

That story reminded me of the time my mate, Robbo, tried to eat a slice of peanut butter on toast at an afterparty in 2004. I think the poor fucker is still chewing it.


How much is e? Well, you get yourself any self respecting dealer and you're paying about £3 per pill outside the club, £5 inside (these bastards don't play with change on the dance floor). MDMA you're looking at £40 per gram in or out the club. Don't ask me about  prices outside of London because I don't know - I'd guess it's cheaper though. I'd have to check. If you need confirmation please don't be embarrassed to get in touch and ask, I'll do my best to get back to you with regional prices within a 5 day service level agreement.

Where do I get it from? I suggest attending a regular club night in your area and trying to buy from the same dealer as often as possible. Build up a friendly rapport with your frequent business and before you know it you'll be experiencing your very own rite of passage when he/she helpfully gives you his/her phone number.

e - 10/10

So, e gets an unprecedented official WRDM rating of 10/10. Proof if proof be needed that e is fine and there is nothing at all to worry about if you're concerned.

That's this week's WRDM out of the way. If you're sat at home gnashing your teeth and saying, "where the fuck is a WRDM comprehensive review of Ketamin, Cocaine, Mushrooms and Poppers?!?!?!?" put your hair back on because I'll be reviewing the rest of the drugs individually over the coming days/week. This post was a shameless tie-in with Channel 4's Shabs Special on Channel 4.

DO E AND FOLLOW ME: @tonkawrdm

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DO E AND EMAIL ME: tonkawrdm@gmail.com



WRDM14

I've been waiting so long for Anne Savage to answer my MASSIVE QUESTIONS I forgot for a whole month that I write WRDM weekly, not when I fucking feel like it. WRDM is my bread and butter, not MASSIVE QUESTIONS, not Medium Questions and not Twitter.



Speaking of which, I've had to stop using Twitter as much because I started writing more about dance music on there than on here, my home ground. My Griffin Park. Twitter, as far as I'm concerned, can fuck off if it thinks its getting all of Tonka's best lines. Twitter came into my life last year swiftly and full of confidence. She fluttered her eye lids, raised suggestive eyebrows and lifted two sweet smelling fingers to my nose. Twitter is a fucking slut who only wanted me for little bursts of Tonka Talk. I've had enough now and want to concentrate ALL of my efforts on WRDM, the true love of my life. My jam on toast. My rock and safe haven from the dangers and temptations of the online world. I'm not leaving Twitter - you can't, I can't. I have too many followers I'd be letting down (literally 197 - eat that, Ricky V) and I absolutely love my Biggie/Karl Kani wallpaper. BUT - I will not be slagging myself around Twitter like I have been. THIS is where I am best able to express myself. Twitter will now only be used for publicising my blog and brown nosing people who work at record labels and magazines.



Here's three reviews.

1




So, what's going on in the world of dance (music)? I'll tell you. LOADS. I'm currently sat here writing this bag of shit to Donna Allen's 1986 album, Perfect Timing. However, if I wasn't listening to Donna Allen right now, I'd be listening to Mind Over Matter by Fur Coat. This is an amazing album. I've run out of superlatives  for it so I simply HAVE to say it's amazing. Really fucking good stuff. It's released on 17 September 2012 on Crosstown Rebels and if you don't start queuing up outside HMV now you're a fucking idiot. Know what I mean? It's full of dance music, in fact I would say that every track on the album is dance music. Mrs Tonka went for a run earlier. I made her listen to it and when she got back I asked her what she thought. She lay back on our brown fabric sofa, slurped down her pint of Sainsbury's blackcurrant squash and wheezed, "it was relaxing, I like the beats and the samples. It wasn't just doof, doof, doof."

Mind Over Matter by Fur Coat - 9/10

Pre-order Mind Over Matter NOW or risk not knowing what it sounds like: CLICK HERE TO BUY A FUR COAT

2




I haven't gone out clubbing for ages. You can't when you've got a wife and kid at home. So, what I like to do is drink about seven cans of 1664 before perusing the Events page on Resident Advisor. I then sit there and pretend that I'm able to go to all sorts of club nights without having to worry about Mrs Tonka thinking I'm going to die of drugs and leave Tonka Junior dad-less. In August I "attended" the Loft Studios in Kensal Green. I had exclusive VIP AAA all night long and did not have to queue to get in. As I walked in Magda greeted me with a wink and a kiss. She then handed me 3 little pills (of ecstasy), Marc Houle gave me a bag of powder (of MDMA) and Troy Pierce bought me a can of Red Stripe (of beer). Perfect night...so far. What happened next was nothing short of awful. The promoter had promised me a roped-off corner to myself and whichever Page 3 models I pull. He didn't fucking deliver. Don't get me wrong, the music was awesome. I've run out of superlatives for the music being played that night so I simply HAVE to say it was awesome.



The trouble is, when you pull a Page 3 girl in a club you want a bit of fucking privacy for you know what. I had to get off with Carol Needham, Nikkala Stott and Cherry Dee on the dance floor in front of Magda, who I was intending to pull after she'd finished her set. It was a fucking joke to be honest with you. Embarrassing. Needless to say, I didn't pull Magda because she saw me getting a love bite off of Melinda Messenger. After dancing OUT of the club at 6am I had to go back to my 5 star hotel on Park Lane ON MY OWN with Keeley Hazel, Lacey Banghard, Vicki Hodge and Joanne Latham for a 5 star, 5 in a bed romp that lasted ALL NIGHT.

Down and Out by Items & Things at Loft Studios (4 August 2012) - 6/10

3




I don't watch much telly but when I do I make sure the programme has something to do with dance music. So when I saw that Channel 4 had a dance music night on the other week I simply HAD to watch it. I watched it with the woman who gave birth to Tonka, my mother. At the end when they announced that Ecstasy E Tablets were the number one thing in dance music she asked me if I'd ever tried it. I said yes and went on to talk about it in a manner that was far too enthusiastic for her liking. After she went to bed I watched some of that all night long thing they had on with Grandmaster Flash, Annie Fucking Mac, Erick Morillo and Horse Meat Disco. I turned off after 2 minutes because the fat twat who kept shouting at the beginning annoyed me. As I drifted off to sleep I couldn't help but wonder how jealous Disco Bloodbath were of Horse Meat Disco and where this beef will lead them...I woke up on Saturday morning and went for a run whilst listening to the O'Jays. Proper music.

Channel 4 - Dance Music thing - 2/10

I'm all reviewed out but back in the game, yo. For all ya'll who thought that Tonka sleeps, disregard the last couple of sentences of the Channel 4 review and check yo'self you lazy ass muthafuckers. There be some shit ass, wack ass muthafuckers in the internet dance music review hood who think that Tonka went away. Think again you bitch ass, slimy ass hood rat cock sucker muthafuckers you. I'm back for good, like Take That. Fuck all ya'll, switch.

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