WRDMail and Majesty

This is an English post for English readers. If you're foreign, CONTENT REMOVED BY WRDM LAWYERS.

Yes, this week's Weekly Review of Dance Music is coming straight from (outside) Buckingham Palace and is the most patriotic post yet. It's St George's Day today and to celebrate the patron saint of being English I'm writing about the best English DJs this side of the Atlantic Ocean. Its what he would have wanted because - fact fans - St George's favourite instruments were the kick drum, closed hi-hat and snare. This English dragon wailer was producing fly beats decades before Andre Young was even born, let alone in the World Class Wreckin' Cru. So, without further ado lets celebrate St George with a tribute to every English DJ under the sun, in England.

Maya Jane Coles

Maya Jane Coles is not only English, she's also a lady (see WRDM5 for my women DJs review). She plays house as it should be played; straight, deep and for hours on end. She also MAKES dance music. She has recently released music on my new favourite record label, Hypercolour. Hypercolour release dance music by artists who are English AND foreign so, as you can imagine, they are a hotchpotch of creativity, different rhythms and languages. Check 'em out.

Maya Jane Coles wears clothes that make you go, "woof!" and a haircut that makes you say, "betcha by golly wow." See the above video of Maya Jane Coles wearing a COMB in her hair and talking to a couple of people who actually take fashion seriously.
Maya Jane Coles - 9/10

Seb Fontaine

Don't be fooled by that French sounding surname, Seb Fontaine is as English as a British Bulldog eating roast beef off of a pub car park floor with Nick Griffin on the 23rd April 1966. Seb Fontaine is the owner and proprietor of Malibu Stacy's in London. He is also their resident DJ and guest DJ each week, every week down at "Malibu's", as Stan Collymore calls it.

Seb Fontaine plays trance-house and his contribution to 'Elements 1st Testament' is fucking brilliant. For anyone interested in knowing what was going on in mainstream clubs in the late 90s get hold of 'Elements.' The tracklist reads like a who's who of something or other to do with trance and the nineties. Da Hool, Mary Kante, Signum, Lost Tribe, Energy 52 and even The Sugarhill Gang (!) feature.
Seb Fontaine - 7/10

Andrew Weatherall

Andrew Weatherall (above, yesterday) compiled the best Fabric mix of 2004. Andrew Weatherall done Primal Scream up good and made them sound bad, as in good. Andrew Weatherall very often DJs back-to-back and alongside Ivan Smagghe. Andrew Weatherall quite literally created a masterpiece with his latest compilation for the English institution, Ministry of Sound. Andrew Weatherall is so patriotic that he delayed the release of Masterpiece by 18 months to ensure it was released on St George's Day. What a guy! I was lucky enough to get a pre-listen to Masterpiece last week and it quite literally made me turn up the volume on my matte black, Gear 4 iPod dock to 16. It was all that AND a bag of chips!

Masterpiece is a 3 x CD set compiled with love, care and attention by Andrew Weatherall and is based on his A Love From Outer Space night at The Drop in London.

If you don't buy Masterpiece by Andrew Weatherall on Ministry of Sound Records you're an absolute fucking moron and you have a bell end hanging off of your forehead like the fucking dickhead that you are.

Andrew Weatherall - 10/10


That's your lot for today. Andrew Weatherall is officially England's best DJ with a score of 10/10. Good work, Andy!

I know St George's Day was yesterday but I didn't get around to finishing my review of the terrific Masterpiece by Andrew Weatherall on Ministry of Sound Records (available to buy and download in all good record stores and websites) until this morning. St George won't mind that I'm a day late though because he's dead.

Or is he????

I'll be back next week with my definitive guide to dance music on the internet. In the mean time, have a look at my Tweets on Twitter and become my friend on Facebook, please.





Readers, look at this snail eating a lettuce to the backing of a Peter Frampton live recording.

I'll be back next week with some more important house and techno NEWS and REVIEWS.



This week's world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music is coming straight to you from the internet. What is the internet? Well, we can all agree that the internet is wicked, but what you didn't realise is that it has revolutionised the way we listen to dance music. How? Well, today on this Tuesday's WRDM I'm going to be telling you how. I'll be explaining:
  • Podcasts
  • Internet web pages relating to dance music
  • Social network internet web page sites relating to dance music
  • YouTube videos relating to dance music
  • Buying dance music...online
  • Blogs relating to dance music
  • Dancing on the dance floor in a nightclub on the internet (yes, you read that correctly!! LOLoutLOUD)
  • And MORE
So, without further ado about nothing, let me begin. NOW.


"Nan, I can't fucking wait to get down Virgin Megastore and buy the latest Fabric CD by Radioactive Man." Those very words were uttered by a 22 year old Tonka in Bir*ing*am, We*t Mi*lan*s in 2003. In those days podcasts were just a glint in the bloke who used to manage Apple's eyes before tragically dying recently. Yes, the iPod Nano changed everything. Before the iPod Nano came along you had to put your coat on, put your shoes on, walk out the door, jump on the 51 bus to ***m***h**, get off in the city centre, walk to Virgin Megastore, walk past the VHS aisle to the dance music CD section, find the CD you want, check the case for breakage, check the other CDs in case any of them had been marked cheaper, take it to a fucking counter and pay a fucking MAN to give it back to you in a plastic fucking bag. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? In this day and age it does but, believe it or not, back then it was the norm!

Nowadays you can buy any Fabric CD you want by clicking a mouse on the left hand shoulder and saying to yourself, "I can't wait to download this." Or do you?

Why BUY a CD by Radioactive Man and download it when you can download a podcast by Radioactive Man for free without paying for it? I strongly advise AGAINST buying DJ compilations from now on. If there is a CD out by a DJ you like, simply Google search the DJ's name followed by the word, "podcast". This will open up a whole list of FREE mixes by that DJ that you can download for nothing pence. Trust me, this really works. Let me break it down with a step-by-step example:
  1. Turn on your laptop/PC computer
  2. Open up www.google.co.uk on the internet
  3. In the search bar in the middle of the page type the words "Tony de Vit podcasts"

This will bring up a whole raft of mixes compiled specially by Tony de Vit which are not for commercial use, i.e. you will not find them cased up on the rack at Virgin Megastore. Tony, like every other DJ, makes these mixes for his fans. He, and the others, are aware of the current economic climate and I think they should be congratulated for putting out free mixes as an option for those of us who can't afford to pay for CDs and expensive download albums. Podcasts are a no-brainer. It's a free download and, best of all, its free!

Podcasts are available on iTunes, Resident Advisor do a nice range and also on Google Search there are literally hundreds of podcasts to listen to. Ch-ch check 'em out.

Resident Advisor, in particular, pride themselves on their podcasts. Everyone and everyone has donated a free dance mix to the series. They've recently had to ask staff members to create mixes under made up DJ names because they're running out of DJs to work with. Nobody questions these mixes though because they're afraid to sound uncool and not in the know. I couldn't give a fuck though so I'm happy to expose DJ Nobu, Consequence, Xhin, Dexter, Max Cooper, Alva Noto, DJ Deep, Skream, Lucy and TR-101 as staffers at RA HQ. I've never heard of them. You've never heard of them. They're not proper DJs. They don't play in proper clubs and YOU should be thanking ME for having the balls to say so. Saying that, I love every single RA podcast and I very much look forward to the Ricardo Villalobos minimal mix in three weeks time. Oops, I think I let the cat out the bag...sorry guys!

Subscribe to RA through iChoons on your laptop so you don't even have to worry about manually downloading the thing yourself. You simply open iChoons and...voila! the podcast downloads itself straight into your music playlist and STRAIGHT onto your iPod Nano in time for breakfast with Bill Turnbull.

For the record, the best RA podcast is RA138, René Breitbarth. It is house music from start to finish, around 123 bpm per minute and lasts for over an hour. Really, check the fucker out - its brilliant.

Right, I've banged on so much about podcasts I can't be arsed to write about anything else. Next week's WRDM14 will deal with the rest of the internet. In the mean time, read this post again, email it to your friends, post it on Twitter, post it on Facebook and spread my truth like a woman's legs before you put your face there.

Also coming up soon are MASSIVE Questions with Claude VonStroke and Medium Questions with Mark. If you're a regular punter who goes clubbing, please get in touch. YOU can be a part of WRDMedium Questions...

As ever, follow the fuck out of me on Twitter: @tonkawrdm

'Like' me and be my 'friend' on Facebook: Tonkabook

Email me things: tonkawrdm@gmail.com


Buy some Wellington boots. Now. Buy some sun cream. Now. Buy some cider. Now. Buy a ticket to the festival. Now. Buy your coach/plane/boat tickets/petrol (if you're driving). Now. Buy a straw fucking hat. Now. Buy some gear. When you get there. Buy INTO the festival experience that is the UK and worldwide festival experience in 2012. Now!

This week's Weekly Review of Dance Music is all about festivals. I'll be looking at home grown festivals and foreign festivals and YOU will be finding out about them on here, now.

I absolutely LOVE dance music festivals. In my 31 years I've been to Sonar (twice), Wireless in Hyde Park (once), South West Four on Clapham Common (once) and Bestival Festival (once). No wonder people call me Festival Fred! So, take my hand and walk with me as I guide you through the very best of what the UK and worldwide festival experience has to offer YOU.


The UK festival season experience has to be seen to be believed. It kicks off in August EVERY year, without fail, at the Glastonbury Festival and ends on the Isle of Man at the Bestival Festival later in the year that very same year. Every year. I'm not sure about the worldwide festival schedule. Knowing what THEY are like its probably all upside down and round the corner - if any of you guys has a copy of the worldwide time-table, get in touch!

Before I begin with the reviews, allow me to review the festival called Glastonbury Festival.


Glastonbury has been run by Mike Manumission's dad, Michael Manumission, since 1976 and still continues to trade under the simple name, 'Glastonbury' - no tawdry sponsorship deals with this one. Its the real deal, dude. Pure as the driven rain. At Glastonbury Festival its all about the music, the people, LOVE and the festival experience. The only adverts you'll see at this place are the ones that proudly show off Greenpeace, Catholic Aid, Comic Relief, Mencap, Christian Aid, Shelter and The Body Shop. Also, the Guardian Group, Orange, Budweiser, Natwest, BBC and Carlsberg. All credit to the Manumission crew for keeping things real. Fuck the man, fuck the large corporations who want to suck the energy out of music and FUCK the other festivals who pander to the fat cat city banker wankers (LOL) who sit in their ivory towers in London LAUGHING at punters like you and me who rock up at these events and chow down on their big, thick-veined business cocks to suck money out of their bell-ends like hungry Lebanese prostitutes until our mouths are overflowing with money spunk. We don't swallow though, we let the creamy cash cum spill down our chins and onto the bathroom floor/into the fat cat's back pockets. It makes me sick. So, if you wanna be down with a festival other than Glastonbury then fuck you too. My fo-fo make sure all ya'll kids don't grow. Sit down, look over the road at Mike and Michael Manumission at Glastonbury and get ashamed. Music is ALL that matters to these cats. Know it and own it.

Keep up the good work, Michael!

The only thing that lets Glastonbury down is the music. I've never been but I always watch the coverage on BBC. Most of the time its either Coldplay or Dizzee Rascal doing an acoustic set for Annie Fucking Mack in a makeshift wig wam.

Buy a ticket for Glastonbury 2012 HERE

Glastonbury - 6/10

Hyde Park Festival of Legends

Last year I stayed out all afternoon and caught a glimpse of Steve Wonder's mouth organ on the top right hand corner of a big screen. Only in Hyde Park! Steve Wonder is a legend and its legends like him you can listen to every year at the weekly summer Hyde Park Festival of Legends. Best of all, its free if you're not bothered about seeing the artist/band on the stage. Get yourself some beers from Marble Arch Sainsbury's, sit outside the fence with your mates and LISTEN to the music of Snoop Doggy Dogg, Paul McCartney, Steve Wonder, Jamiroquai, Ke$ha, Madonna and Blur. Its like a live version of that shit BBC programme, The Voice, but with proper bands and no Jessie J breathing down your neck.

Buy a ticket for Hyde Park HERE

Hyde Park Festival of Legends: 8/10


I'm going to Lovebox this year on the Saturday to see Prosumer, who I think is a Manumission. I've never been before but I've got mates who have and they have all said Lovebox is good. It is owned and run by Groove Armada who, if I may say so, do a terrific job.

I'll be there ALL DAY wearing a white t-shirt and jeans. If you want to say hello and have a beer/line of Charlie Chalk with Tonka, just tap me on the left shoulder and say the following words, "its all about the groove with me, mate."

Buy a ticket for Lovebox HERE

Lovebox: 9/10


I've been to Sonar a whopping two times. No wonder people call me Sonar Sam! Sonar is held in Spain and Barcelona EVERY year and is a great place for meeting local Spanish shopkeepers, bartenders, tiki-taking footballers and pushy African prostitutes with HIV. And then there's the music. Fuck me, the music at Sonar is brilliant - that's why I keep going back. At Sonar you are GUARANTEED a Miss Kittin, a Richie Hawtin, a Jeff Mills, an Ed Banger, an Erol Alkan, a Tiga, some Beastie Boys, an Aphex Twin and a bit of Yazoo. That's the draw and THAT is why Sonar is the biggest selling festival of all time. Sonar is clever and innovative; it continues to pull in the punters by not only offering a day time festival in a university but also putting on a special bus to take you to a night time festival in a massive aircraft hanger. You just don't get that with Creamfields.

I once sat in a darkened room watching a film about Zinedine Zidane at Sonar by Day. I thought my mind was imploding.

This year at Sonar you can see New Order, Fatboy Slim, Dead Mouse, Luciano, Annie Fucking Mack, DJ Harvey (first discovered on WRDM), Elton John and Lana Del Rey (I really, REALLY would). These artists are all on the same bill, one after another with the DJs playing back to back. Mouth watering stuff, eh?

Get your tickets HERE.

Sonar 10/10

That's the reviews on festivals over and done with. Before you decide on which one to go to this year read this post over and over again so that you don't choose the wrong festival. Sonar got 10/10 so use your nut and fuck off to Spain. If you're still unsure Twitter me or send an email. I'll help you out, pal.

Next week I'll be reviewing podcasts, forums and all things dance on the internet. Did you know that dance podcasts have now overtaken dance CDs for volume, quantity and dance content? Pull that stat out of the bag when you're next looking to impress the lads! ;-)

Keep following me on Tweeter here: @tonkawrdm

Email me things on email: tonkawrdm@gmail.com


You know how excited you're going to be when Floyd Mayweather Jr finally grows some balls and lets Manny Pacquiao knock 12 bells of shit out of him?

Do you remember how excited you were when Dennis Taylor beat Steve Davis to the 1985 Snooker World Championship by knocking the black ball into the bag in the dying seconds of the match?

How excited were you when you first discovered the world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music?

The answer to all three of those questions was "fucking excited." So, how excited must you be NOW when I tell you NOW that this week's post knocks everything else you've ever experienced into a fucking top hat?

"Really fucking excited."

Last week I met and interviewed the Dancing Misanthrope in his south London rehearsal studios. This red hot mama dances nonstop in all of your London clubs and will be a familiar face, arms and legs to anyone reading this involved in the London scene. If you're one of the many people who read this blog who 1) don't live in London and HATE everything to do with the place or 2) HATE long winded responses to interview questions I advise you close your webpage down now. Everyone else can read on...

The Dancing Misanthrope and I shared a pint of Red Bull with two rounds of lemon curd on toast and got down to business.

Q) For any readers of the world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music unfamiliar with the Dancing Misanthrope, could you please tell us who you are to the dance community and what you do within it (the dance community)?
A) Thanks for wanting to interview me in the first place, it's actually kinda flattering! I don't think answering truthfully will be too hard, one of the traits of a misanthrope is having too much sincerity - and contempt for the the world's lack of it.

I'm actually answering your questions on my way back from a nite out @ XO Bar and think unwittingly made some new 'fans' there too! Basically, The Dancing Misanthrope came into being just over 2 years ago when I wanted to go out clubbing at a time when none of my friends were the clubbing sort and not being the most sociable I decided to just go to clubs myself just to dance - I've done it and still do gigs solo so figured what difference does it make? Only it turned out a lot of people don't really 'dance' at clubs so they probably looked at me pretty funny the first few times, until I just kept it up from start to finish and eventually weekend after weekend. I also ended up fully embracing dance music, crossing over from the indie scene and generally not looking back at too much and ironically from not planning to make any new friends I've somehow accumulated a cult legendary status amongst the London underground dance community (and a little beyond that too) as the guy who truly dances like no one's watching!

Q) After me, my mate Robbo and a bloke I used to knock around with called Cameron, YOU are the best dancer in the (London) dance world I have ever seen. I read in an interview that your dance-pirations are Michael Jackson, Lady Ga Ga and Justin Timberlake. Have you ever pulled off any of MJ's signature moves in club Fabric?
A) Does that mean you've seen me on the dancefloor already? I don't really try to make comparisons with other people's dancing (I'm a little too absorbed in my own zone anyway) but I'll take your word for it! Fabric was actually a club I didn't visit until finally last November when I first discovered the brilliant young DJs Stopmakingme and Brodinski, after that I couldn't believe I didn't go sooner (though it does cost a fair bit, but I've got my connection to get into the next one) I think I attempted moonwalking in my life and can't really do it, I'm not even aware how good my dancing actually is, I think I'm noticed more for my pure audacity, energy and stamina. That said, when I dance it's as if I'm in a music video (funnily enough, I was dancing for someone earlier today for a music video they're working on!) I really want to be dancing, moving, grooving, spinning - well, whatever the music dictates really, none of this tedious fist-pumping/heart-shaping shit. I mean, there's a place for it obviously, just not on the dancefloor the whole nite! That is the downside of a big nite out that gets so crowded you can't move at all so that's kind of why the more niche raving clubs can be better for me, but actually that's one great reason for getting there early for the warm-up DJ since I practically have the floor to myself - it's a great sense of freedom plus I usually find that some of the more interesting music gets played at that time.

Q) Famously, you have never taken drugs, even though you look like you've been necking pills all week. Have you ever considered taking ecstasy E tablets to improve your performance and sense of unity with the world whilst in da club?
A) Nope, I have never dropped a pill or anything similar, don't really want to and don't need to! But it is funny that so frequently people approach me at a club to ask what I've taken and if I got any to sell - I'm tempted just to make shit up next time and sell some placebo tablets, if I was that cynical. Most people probably just need it (and booze or whatever) in order to lose their inhibitions or whatnot. One time, a couple of girls came up to me and when I told them I didn't take anything they were like, "you're lying, you're having such a good time!" Consider that for a moment and if it was true it'd be rather fucking sad. But in a way, the music is a pretty fucking powerful drug as it is, I don't need more than that. I'm not trying to get all moral about it, you do what you choose to and deal with it, I want to be in a paradoxical position where I can completely lose my shit but keep control, and in my own experience, booze or drugs just wouldn't enhance anything.

Q) Have you ever been in a nightclub and STOPPED dancing? If so, where was it and why?
A) Actually, I did have to stop dancing at one point just last Saturday. It was at Fake Blood's DJ gig @ XOYO, and not long before he was coming on. I'd been dancing for a few hours already when some bitch (I don't like calling her that but christ alive she was one!) who must've been on some shit (unless people do just behave like cunts without reason?... Don't answer that actually) pushed her way to the front next to me. I just kept on dancing but then she gets some bug up her ass throwing an attitude at me as if I'm in her way and actually tries pushing me off my dancing spot with her fat ass! There is nothing worse than a space invader on a dancefloor and worse still ones that make it out like you're in the wrong. So when I just stand my ground, and I don't even mean pushing back, I'm just trying to keep my space, I suddenly get fucking grief from her two male goon-friends who've got the fucking nerve to tell me to 'chill'?! You try to reason but it's not going to happen, I just try ignoring them and carry on my thing and then that bitch suddenly decides to back off but stays directly behind and kept kicking me like some petty stupid schoolyard bully! First just at my feet then she just kept kicking higher up! Obviously I can't 'prove' it (it's the old lame-ass trick where you turn around, they'll obviously deny it, if you're provoked and do something then it's your fault, blah blah blah) but I just really didn't know what her fucking problem was. Anyway it was getting so abusive I had to stop dancing and call for security but of course they couldn't do anything either but in the end some guys on my left agreed to swap places with me so I was able to enjoy Fake Blood by the time he came on. Still, other than space invading, the worst crime you can commit on the dancefloor against The Dancing Misanthrope is to kill his momentum, so those douches are on my shitlist for good. I'm not a particularly forgiving person either.

Q) Do you dance at home? If so, what do you usually dance to? Dance compilations? Radio? EXPLAIN.
A) I actually live in a pretty quiet area South of the river and like it that way. I think it's good for me to keep things separate in some ways, also having a bit of distance. Unfortunately, my poor housemate is directly below my room so even if I wanted to I couldn't really jump around like a free spirit. But I do spend an awful lot of my free time listening to as music that comes my way, especially when you end up befriending people who also have stuff to share whether it's other music or their own mixes (which I similarly pilfer and share on my page) - there's just so much and never enough time! I've started listening to mixes a lot more but virtually never the radio, unless I happen to be in on Friday listening to Annie Mac before I head out. I've not been affected by the ADD effect of the iShuffle generation though and still love listening to an album in full. Obviously, electronic is my prime passion but I do listen to a pretty eclectic selection of stuff too, not always necessarily for dancing to.

Q) Do you have any plans to develop what you currently do and expand the brand?
A) Well, by brand I did design some badges (though the designs I stole from artists I like), I made about 100-so of them to give away to fellow clubbers within the past 2 years, mostly inspired by the club that started it all for me - Buttoned Down Disco! I might make some more in time for festival season. Since late last year I set up a Facebook page where I can essentially micro-blog about my dancing exploits through all the great music that I can share and also post events happening in town (and occasionally beyond) so I also have a Clubbing Calendar that's constantly updating. I'm also further expanding my exploration of dancefloors from discovering new venues and nites in London as well further afield, especially when it comes to festivals (Mancunians, take note!)

Beyond that, I don't know, I haven't made any serious plans. Quite a few people tell me I should DJ and that does look quite likely and a logical progression, though I say that cautiously. I don't know when my dancing is going to 'peak' and feel I could hit burnout at any point so if I didn't dance as much I'd turn to DJing like a footballer retires and becomes the manager - which as an analogy really does a disservice to all the bright young talented DJs who've been doing this from their bedrooms since their early teens! But no, I think I'd like to try DJing, I'm already playing about with making mixes on my MacBook using the most basic and free app available and uploaded some mixes on Mixcloud. Obviously I'm not going to come to it pretending I can be great at it, and I'd rather leave it to those who've got all that know-how and just carry on dancing. Of course, mixing is something I'll never imagine I can master, for me it'd be about the selection. But either way if it came down to prioritising whether I was to DJ or go dance to a proper decent line-up of DJs the same nite, I'd rather just go out to dance! I suppose the idea of curating a club nite wouldn't go amiss. As I say, I have no solid schemes, but you never know what might happen...

Q) Theresa May?
A) Cunt. Don't think elaborating is required. Moving on...

Q) Who is your favourite DJ and what is your favourite club/night?
A) I can't name just one DJ, it's too hard! I would say French DJs/producers are pretty much the Holy Grail to me though, especially the Ed Banger crew - if any of them are in town I'm guaranteed to be there! (Of course like everyone else still waiting for the return of Daft Punk - that Tron soundtrack, decent though it was, just doesn't count!) But to big up the Brits, my favourites sort of belong revolve in the same circles - Erol Alkan (I'm actually going to his marathon 9-hour set tonite!), Daniel Avery (formerly Stopmakingme) who I only just came across less than 6 months ago and truly one of the most exciting young DJs/producers out there not like anyone else, and Rory Philips is one of the best to close any nite. I guess what they have in common is having a rich knowledge and old-school love for all kinds of music that have been part of the fabric (no pun intended) of dance music over time, they also come from an indie background, which I guess is still my reference point having crossed over myself. I only wish I got into the club scene back in the days of Trash!Probably not too surprising then my favourite club nites include Bugged Out and Durrr, and there's plenty others, I'm definitely more of a person who goes to a nite based on the promoter rather than the venue. I mean, it could have great decor and fancy drinks and beautiful people, but if the music sucks, who cares? That said, I find that in East London my most frequented clubs are XOYO and The Nest - they just put on loads of great things!

Q) Are you going to Lovebox this year? If so, would you take up my offer of a Lovebox dance-off whilst Prosumer is on?
A) I'm going to a whole load of festivals this year, though they're mostly one-dayers or city-based, and I'm saving the best one for last - Bestival! Lovebox is on the cards too but I'm just not trying to bankrupt myself all in one go so don't have my tickets just yet (but hey, Lovebox organisers, if you're reading this and want to show some love with a free pass, I won't say no!)However, I'm afraid I don't do dance-offs. I'm not the competitive type and it might sound odd, but I'm not dancing like I do to get attention and show my 'skills', it's just instinctive really and I like being left to do just that.

Q) How do you relax your bones the day after dancing non-stop to non-stop dance music?
A) Probably sleep the whole day away, unless it's a midweek clubbing thing in which case I suffer dearly. But otherwise like I say I do like listening to other music that's a bit more chilled, some folk (for lack of a better word) I still really enjoy, like Laura Marling and Feist. I've recently discovered this Californian experimental musician called Julia Holter and she's really something!

Other than that, film still remains a passion of mine, and I'm also trying to squeeze in time to catch up on some TV series too. I'm somewhat regretful that I've not been able to read a book properly for some time now. The last thing I took out of the library I failed to finish after renewing it loads of times - and it wasn't even like a difficult or long read either!
I also regret being so lazy as to have not cooked a proper meal in months, which I used to find pretty important to do! But if I don't have plans to dance later that evening I'd definitely not say no to having a huge roast or enjoying a leisurely pint (or two) of cider.

Q) Podiums or cages?
A) Podiums, which is sort of at odds with what I was saying about attention-seeking etc before but it's definitely better than cages.

Phew! I think I might've rambled on a lot longer than either of us was expecting! But it's been fun sharing my misanthropy and hope we'll share the dancefloor some point, Lovebox or otherwise!

What a lovely young man.

You can follow The Dancing Misanthrope on Twitter: @dancemisnthrope and you can 'like' his Facebook page HERE.

Follow the fuck out of me on Tweeter by ringing this number: @tonkawrdm

WRDM12 to follow next Tuesday. Its a festival special so don't forget your wellies.

WRDMedium Questions to Robbo

Banging in the less than MASSIVE questions to the less than superstar punters TONIGHT. Last week I received an email from an old face. Literally. LOLoutLoud. He's a full THREE years OLDer than me.


This week's Medium Questions on my world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music are answered by a bloke I used to live with in Muswell Hill. Not like that, fellas! He was/is as straight as a fucking die. Winking smiley face. His name is Robbo and before he got to know me the only two bands he would listen to were Oasis, The Charlatans, The Libertines and The Beatles. I am extremely proud to say that I introduced him to nightclubs, dance music and ecstasy E tablets. Also MDMA, cocaine, spliff cigs and Ketamin powder. And poppers. By the time I finished with him he not only knew who Ivan Smagghe was but he could also sing the lyrics to Drop The Pressure...WORD FOR WORD.

Here is a picture of Robbo and I in Heaven nightclub. Know what I mean? I am the one with the blue eyes.

NAME: Robbo
AGE: 34
LOCATION: das Capital
STUFF YOU DO: No blog job

Q) Robert, tell us how you first got into dance music and night clubbing?
A) Tonks mate. I first got into dance music through indie music. I was a big fan of the Charlatans and whilst flicking through the C section of the CD's in my hometown library I came across a band called The Chemical Brothers and their album 'Exit Planet Dust'. I liked the cover so flipped it over and saw that the Charlatans singer, Tim Burgess, was singing on a track called 'Life is Sweet'. I loaned the CD recorded it onto a tape and then listened to it whilst doing my local paper round. I was 20 at the time and life certainly was sweet after that discovery. I listened to the Chemical Brothers, Underworld, Prodigy etc for a few more years before moving to London and getting invited out clubbing and starting to get into more serious dance music. I regularly attended Bugged Out! and also attended Foreign Muck. I have still not made my mind up as to whether I actually liked Foreign Muck even after all these years.

Q) Do you take Ecstasy pill tablets? If so, where and when did you first try it and what was your night like?
A) I did, but not anymore. I first tried it at Manumission in Ibiza in 2003. Nothing happened. I then tried it at The Cross, 2004. Nothing happened. I then tried it again at The Cross at the TDK Weekender and it blew the roof off my mind. I was listening to a band whom I cannot recall and do not remember the song. But it was the best. Song. Ever. It was an incredible evening and I had many, many more after that.
Having thought about it though I am not sure if that is correct. The first time it worked may have been at Bugged Out! - either way it was truly a life changing experience.

Q) How would you describe yourself when absolutely fucking terminated in, for example, Club Fabric?
A) I think I am very happy and a nicer human-being. I have more affinity with the people I know and am genuinely interested in their lives. I also dance a lot more and the music becomes more lucid.

Q) Tell us in detail about the best night out clubbing you've ever had.
A) This is very difficult to answer. There have been so many that I honestly do not have a stand out night. I will share some highlights though:

The first times I did E successfully
Wally Lopez playing one last song at The End which seemed to go on forever (probably just 20 minutes).
Erol playing 'We are your Friends' for the first time, before it became really cheesy.
Jacques Lu Cont at the Cross playing that Abba sample that later became the Madonna song.
Being allowed to jump the massive queue to see Soulwax and Erol at Plastic People.
Coming back on the tube on a Monday morning when everyone else was going to work after going to an illegal rave in Shepherd's Bush.
'Everywhere' by Fleetwood Mac at Club Egg

Most of all though, it was the moments that I spent with my mates particularly you Tonks, just having really heartfelt conversations. You are a complete and utter sexist nob* on this blog but I know deep down that you are much nice than that.

I am sure there are many more moments, but I guess, like they say about the sixties, if you can remember them then you weren't really there.

Q) What are your plans for the rest of the year, clubbing wise?
A) I have almost quit clubbing these days. I have no idea what is happening anymore. I would love to go to at least one festival though and go out in the sun listening to music all day.

Q) Would you support a campaign for Fabric to change the layout of Room 1, so that the DJ is placed on the stage and the current DJ box is turned into podiums used by professional British podium dancers, thus creating more jobs in the local community, therefore boosting the UK economy?
A) I would support this idea in part. I do not think the podium dancers should be professionals though. I think Club Fabric should copy the idea from the fourth plinth of Trafalgar Square and open it up to clubbers for 15 minutes at a time for them to be able to express themselves in whatever way they wish. They should all pay a fee to charity for this pleasure and therefore the less privileged members of our society will benefit and the podium people will feel happier for helping them out.

There you go, a Wally Lopez reference from a bloke who has almost quit clubbing. ONLY in your world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music. ONLY on THIS uniform resource collector, ONLY every Tuesday. Each Tuesday. I am keeping YOU up to date with ALL the latest dance news and reviews and you fucking KNOW it.

If you want to meet me, and Robbo, this year we'll both be at Lovebox in June on the Saturday. I'll be wearing a white t-shirt and jeans so if you see me...don't be shy, pop over and say hello.

Follow me, please, on Twitter by ringing etc, etc: @tonkawrdm

*I do not think you are a nob, by the way.


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