WRDMini - Hands Across The Water

I N T E R N A T I O N A L   S P E C I A L

I am a cosmopolitan young man and did foreign languages at school; I did French GSCE and received a grade for it.

Since I exploded onto the 'bloggin' scene' I have had quite a few people from around the world ask me if they can contribute to WRDM. Up to now I have written back personally with a polite "fuck off, this is MY blog." However, having thought about it more deeply I realised that if I let more people contribute I stand more chance of these fuckers passing on my truth to people who might not be aware of me, thus gaining a larger worldwide blog foothold and therefore make more money from the Google Adsense thing on the side.

Keep clicking, muthafuckers.

So, in the spirit of diplomacy and capitalism I'm opening my doors to international guest slots. This is with a view to both extending my brand to other territories and providing a little self worth and excitement to those of you both foreign enough and talented enough to make it onto the hallowed WRDM page. However, I am the only UK resident to write for WRDM. That will NEVER change.

After WRDM5 - The Ladies Edition, I received a charming email from a young lad in N (New) Y (York) C (City) (NYC). He told me how much he enjoyed my blog and that I had provided him with a real education in UK dance. His stage name is Megatown. His real name is David.

Megatown takes snaps of inanimate objects and good looking people for a living. Alright for some! Have a look at his website on this number: megatownsreallybrilliantpictures.com

There are two pictures on this week's post. One by me and one by Megatown. I won't say who took which but he got paid for his and I still work in office administration. That's all I'm fucking saying. Spot the difference.

Also, I have to pick him up on something else. I know ALL Americans are big headed but what is wrong with the word City? These cock-sure cowboys can't even call a city a city anymore, they are calling them Mega Towns. Only in America! I'd like to see Coventry council agree to something like that. And Lincoln.

But hey, I'm rambling on like my wife. I present to you Megatown, who will tell you about a recent night out he enjoyed in The Big Apple over The Other Side Of The Pond.



Megatown on DJ Harvey:

A few of you might actually have an internet now, which makes sense as you're reading this on the information super highway (as I call it in the 'biz). Internets are a great place to find out information that you don't have to buy a magazine to read about, or ring friends in foreign countries. It is by this magical new method that a 70's porn star cum [sic.] cosmic rock artist cum [sic.] disc jockey called DJ Harvey has become a LEGEND for playing LEGENDary records at a few legendARY parties. 

He's about 600 years old now, but "back in the day" he was the man who actually invented vinyl records. That is literally the word on the street. DJ Harvey has been around the block so many times, i think he may have actually invented music. In 1996 he did a CD for the UK London pub The Ministry of Sound which was quite good, and everyone had it as their chill out CD AND skinning-up tray. He played there once a week, almost like he was resident. I once heard that he turned up with 3 records in a Tesco bag and played for seventy three (73) hours, and everyone was mesmerised by the B-Sides. I wasn't there.

Anyway, one day he moved to America without a visa and got trapped here because he didn't want to go back to the 'Home Counties'. Apparently, he put on a load of famous Sarcastic parties in warehouses that were so secret that they never happened. My mate's brother remembered getting an SMS/text from someone about a party and then drove to a warehouse in downtown LA, and just found a cellphone on the floor, playing the music from a tiny speaker – It was that secret! He ended up sat on his fanny staring at the receiver whilst a hobo flicked Ketamin up his nostrils...for sex.

DJ Harvey once played at a dance party right here in a New York loft that was so good, and went on for so long, that a somebody opened a window and saw a workman outside, dancing. Actually DANCING, and he wasn't even in the party or on illegal drugs. I'm not sure who told me that one but it was a cracking story whether I choose to believe it or not. I do.

Everyone in Europe heard about these stories via the internets (because remember folks, he wasn't allowed back home), and then made it their business to think that he (and rightly so) is The Best Thing In Dance Music There Ever Was.

I actually got to see him a couple of times this last year, and then again a few weeks ago with Kyle Hall at Santos Party House. Kyle Hall adopted the middle initials MF which stands for 'Mother Fuckin', but the douche was fairly crap. Harvey played all night upstairs so it was one of those journeys that you go on. A bit like Tenaglia without the tribal drums. There's so much mythology around Harvey that even when he played really trancey breakdowns that kicked in with trancey vocals, it was still really awesome, man. It wasn't trance though. Oh no. Well it was, but the rest of it was pretty much the same records I think people are playing in London and elsewhere, but it was the WAY they were put together. Some of them were not even mixed – how progressive is THAT?! Mixing is so 2006, and we all know that 2006 was FIVE years ago.

If DJ Harvey is not the messiah of dance music, i don't know who is. I'd probably say either Jamie Troxler (and all the other ones) or a back-to-back 4 hour set of Tall Paul and Seb Fontaine at Twilo.

DJ Harvey in NYC 10/10

Right, that was Megatown with his version of events in New York. I could correct at least a dozen mistakes there but I don't want to hurt the kid. I will say this though: our greatest Super Club is NOT a fucking pub.

Please keep sending in your foreign event review submissions (even if it's not in English) and maybe one day YOU will have your international event review submitted on MY blog. Comprende?

I'll be jumping back over the shark next week with a proper WRDM. WRDM9 - Festivals Special.



This week's WRDM is all about new music, new artists, new tunes and new producers. I'll be lifting the lid on the BEST up and coming DJs in the world and then REVIEWING their skills on the decks. I will then be marking them out of ten so that you can decide whether or not to go and see them.

However, before I begin I have to say "thank you" to the fellas at Mud Love dot co dot uk (.co.uk) for asking me to write a blog post on their blog. My first away game. Check it out on this number: Mud Love and keep on reading their website as much as you can because, in my opinion, after Resident AdvisorMinimal MessagesWeekly Review of Dance MusicFACTIbiza VoiceFantaziaSoul Clap blogwelove-musiclafonoteca.netRecord LabelBodytonicMixmagXLR8RMegatownPlanet TurboPhonicaW+L and Get The Curse, Mud Love is THE best dance music website on the World Wide Web (www.).

CH-Check it out.

Also, whilst out buying fruit the other day I overheard a conversation containing some gloomy news regarding the fatal death of a man who invented the iPod Touch and the iPod Nano. If any of you who read this did not already know, Steve Jobs has sadly passed away of cancer in his Beverly Hills mansion. I heard the same bloke also tell his grandson an extremely tasteless and graphic joke immediately afterwards which I will not repeat here. I'm ashamed to say I laughed out loud (lol) though and, unfortunately, will never be able to see a picture of Steve Jobs ever again without wondering where he eventually “plugged it in”.

Review time. NOW.

DJ Creepy Disco

Erol Alkan is a personal friend of mine. At least he'd act like it when I used to frequent Bugged Out! at The End. Unless Smagghey or The Glimmer Twins were on in the Main Room, I would go and watch Erol (as I liked to call him) in the Lounge. In those days he wore his hair long and was more often than not playing warm up to 'Klaxons DJs'. One balmy night in 2004 I took a vinyl copy of Grace Jones 'Island Life' with me to Bugged Out! so that I could keep cool and look cool at the same time. Erol took one look at the cover as I nonchalantly waved it above my head and IMMEDIATELY played 'Pull Up To The Bumper'. That is why you will NEVER hear a bad word said about him by me. He is Mr Showbiz as far as I'm concerned and, having been blogging for over 3 months, I should know a little about the industry by now. Eh, lads?

Erol Alkan has a website called this: erolalkanswebsite.com and on this website I discovered an unsigned DJ called DJ Disco Creep. I don't know his real name and the only photo he's published anywhere on the net is shit. You can only see the top half of his head and he's wearing fucking sunglasses. Kanye West ones.

I downloaded his free Soundcloud 'Summer September Mix' and listened to it on the tube once, all the way through. Unfortunately, I listened to this mix in October so that put a mental downward spin on it for me. When people put a date in the title of something it psychologically puts you off if you're not consuming it on that date. Try reading yesterday's newspaper today, its just too fucking weird.

Anyway, I listened to it from start to finish and enjoyed it. The tracks were of a summer house vibe throughout and most of them had a French filter effect, which I always find pleasing to the ear hole. However, if I want to listen to summer vibes I'll put on 'Summertime: The Mixtape' by Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince or ANY Soul Clap podcast from the last 2 years. Creepy Disco sounds alright but I don’t think he actually plays in any nightclubs (correct me if I’m wrong, DJDC) – reclusive or what?

Listen to that and the rest of DJ Disco CreepHERE 7/10

DJ Mary Jane

The great thing about being a dance music producer now, in October 2011, is that a) you can be a lady producer and b) you can make a track in somewhere like Memphis, Tennessee and within one month you can, by some sexy twist of fate, be reviewed by Tonka in London, Great Britain. There are loads of forums on Resident Advisor and most of them in the Tech area consist of sad teenagers arguing about headphones and fat, old, jealous, virgin cunts who snide away at people like me who couldn't give a shit about limiters, automated LFOs and side-chain compression. It's all about the groove with me, mate. As long as Ricky V plays a track that bangs, I couldn't give a fuck if its not made properly. These sad, lonely fuckers make me sick AND make me digress.

Sometimes a forum name catches your eye though. I've been aching to unearth some new dance talent on my blog for a while so when I saw 'Composers/Producers post here' I began to rub my hands together. "I'm going to make one of these guys a star", I thought to myself. I opened up the page and after seeing lots of people called British Lizard, Norman and Loopsky I saw a lady DJ called DJ Mary Jane. "Finally, some pussy" I thought to myself. I didn't even bother listening to anyone else so if you want to check them out go to that page and sift through the shit yourself (there will be a lot of shit).

DJ Mary Jane, I'm guessing, is a play on what, I'm guessing, is her favourite band: The Jesus and Mary Chain. It's a clever touch but this young American no longer gazes at shoes. She has dropped the moods and is now embracing Minus style shuffle-tech and minimal happy rage-core. I'm listening to her track 'Sucker Punch' as I type. It is 8 minutes and 6 seconds of pure dance music. I'm not sure how many bpms there are each minute on this one but I'd go as far as to say it's a mid-range plodder. Imagine yourself at Club Fabric on a Sunday morning. Its 5.30am and you're coming down whilst ALSO coming up. You close your eyes. Your legs are heavy, you're barely marching anymore and as you slowly rub the back of your head to try and stimulate the MDMA in your brain you hear 'Sucker Punch' bleed through the famous underfloor Fabric speakers. You open your eyes and see your best mate's face 2 inches away from your's. He looks wild eyed and angry but he doesn't dig you, he slowly puts his arms around you and your head drops into his shoulder as he screams into your ear, "DJ MARY JANE! THIS IS DJ MARY JANE! SUCKER PUNCH! READ ABOUT IT ON TONKA'S WEEKLY REVIEW OF DANCE MUSIC BLOG LAST WEEK! COME ON! THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT! FUCKING COME ON!!" With that, you do whatever is left in your little bag and start to fucking dance. Stomp, stomp, stomp. This IS what it's all about.

Listen to DJ Mary Jane - 'Sucker Punch' HERE 9/10

Orlando Boom at Queen of Hoxton

I love going out in London and supporting new club nights. Orlando Boom is a new club night that I discovered by closing my eyes and clicking around the Resident Advisor London events page. That's how I discovered The End nightclub in 2004. On the 1st October 2011 I went to Queen of Hoxton on my own because all my mates had gone to 20 Years of Soma - I wish I'd gone with (them).

I'm not slating Orlando Bloom at Queen of Hoxton but when I look at the line up at Fabric that night I do wonder what the fuck was going through my head. Slam, Dinky, Funk D'Void, Terry Francis and Kiki all under one roof for the first time in 20 years. I don't want to knock Orlando Boom at Queen of Hoxton but when you pass up an opportunity to see Slam and Dinky go back-to-back in Room 1 you have to question your sanity. I was fucking stupid to be honest.

My mates said that 20 Years of Soma was probably the best night they'd had at Fabric since we all went to see Ricky V in July (see WRDM3). They said that Slam, quite literally, SMASHED the place inside out and even Terry Francis stepped up and played a set filled with minimal heartbreak bangers. Apparently, Dinky looked as gorgeous as ever and Kiki played live on stage. I was kicking myself all week - still am.

Orlando Boom at Queen of Hoxton: 6/10

That's the future of dance sewn up for a while. Please do check out DJ Disco Creep and DJ Mary Jane and then get out and support new nights like Orlando Boom and Fabric. These youngsters are just starting out in the (dance) world and they NEED you.

Forthcoming: Bust out your Wellingtons, buy a straw hat and some cider because it's that time of the year again! I'll be back NEXT Tuesday where I'll be talking about DJs and producers you DO know with my Festivals Special.


  • For those of you on Twitter who are interested in reading daily, mini-wrdms from me ring this number: @tonkawrdm 

  • I'm still working on 'Ecstasy World (Where I Wanna Be)'. That'll be up on a future blog.

  • I'm toying with the idea of FILMING some footage. Contact me on tonkawrdm@gmail.com if you are in London and are any good at FILMING and editing. I'm talking classy, black and white footage of me telling fuckers about beats.
  • I'm still waiting for offers on Miami and /or paid work. Contact me by any means necessary to discuss terms.